I know my question is odd, especially in this moment. But I need to feel the only woman that ever made me want to laugh. My brain won't believe she's still here if I don't.

Clearly, I can see her, hear her, God, I can smell her scent; fruity with a mix of floral. Mostly berries. She always smells so much like a mix of cranberries, blackberries and roses.

Sierra doesn't seem like she'd like it in this moment, which I totally understand. She's mad at me. She's jealous. I mean, she thought I was cheating on her. God knows that would never happen. Not even if that'd save my life. I'd rather die than betray the love of my life like that.

I admit, I should have told her about Lisa way before. I should have done it when Sierra moved in, every single day since then. And just yesterday—okay, two days ago as it's three fucking in the morning—Lisa has been mentioned. Not name-wise, but as my ex-girlfriend.

Sierra shakes her head, and yet she scoots right over and falls into my arms. She straddles me with her legs, her face hiding in the crook of my neck as she sobs. "Altas, please tell me you're not cheating on me."

I wrap my arms around Sierra, exhaling deeply as I press her closer to me. "I would never, sweetheart." She should know it. My family means everything to me. She means everything to me.

I breathe her in a little more, pushing the thought of her leaving me as far away as only possible. She won't leave me. Sierra loves me, I know she does. There is no way a minor misunderstanding like this would cause a divorce, right?

"No cheating," she repeats, though I think it's meant for herself, not me. I can feel the hot air roll over my skin as she lets out a deep breath. "But she's not just an employee."

I shake my head and press Sierra a little tighter against me out of fear she might vanish, disappear into nothingness. "She was more than that. Once."

"The ex-girlfriend?" I nod. "Why is she working here in this house, Atlas?"

"I took everything she had. I owed her a job."

She tries to pull back from the hug, and the only reason I let her is because I don't want her to fear me. I don't want her to think I'd force her to stay. Though, as much as I'd want to do that, I wouldn't. Ever.

Her eyebrows frown as she looks at me. Her nose is red and puffy from crying, so are her eyes, even her lips are swollen. I just want to kiss every single tear on her face away and make sure she never has a reason to cry ever again. But more importantly, I have to make sure I'll never be the reason of her tears ever again.

"What did you do?" she asks, hands resting on my shoulders. She doesn't push away or attempt to get off my lap, which is somewhat a relief for my nerves.

I sigh. "Your bother is going to kill me for telling you this, but—" Sierra chuckles breathy, it's not quite a chuckle but something really close to it "—we had this bet going. Lisa just recently transferred to our school from Germany, I think. She knew absolutely no one, which is quite the bait for wanna-be bad boyish and horny teenagers."

Sierra's nose scrunches up in disgust. But the worst part is, I know she isn't disgusted by me having had a life before her, but because of my wording—what it implies.

"I didn't rape her, Sierra. Just making sure you're aware of it." She nods, giving me a slight smile of reassurance, or at least attempts a smile. "Anyway, she was this sweet and innocent girl. Perfect for someone like me to ruin. Cody and I were betting about who would be her first lay. I wasn't known to be charming, but I had a pretty face, so that worked."

Sierra scoffs, though she's not surprised.

"Anyway, I won the bet. But I felt bad because apparently I was her actual first time, and I took her virginity for bet reasons, while telling her white lies about how much I was digging her." Yeah, I'm not proud of it, and obviously Sierra is quite disgusted by that admission. It is a disgusting thing to do, I admit

"So I stuck around, kept on lying. She started to hang up with the wrong crowd of people, because that's who I hung up with. I didn't have many friends, but I did have some crackhead ones from around the corner. I'd take her there, instigate her to take drugs because that was the only way I knew to make her seem appealing to me, and she became someone she simply wasn't."

I lean my forehead against Sierra's. Luckily, she doesn't complain or tries to back off. Instead, Sierra closes her eyes, breathes deeply and waits for the rest of the story.

"Thanks to me, Lisa started to skip school to get high. Her grades dropped, she skipped classes. Now, technically that was still her choice to become...this. But you know, drugs is a dangerous thing to come in contact with. And since I was the one to introduce her to them so I would find her less annoying...I felt guilty. Not right away, but years later when she showed up at my office, begging me for money so she could buy more drugs. I saw how fucked up she was still. She needed help, and I felt responsible to get her that. So I got her off the drugs in like no time, and after that...she needed a job. I couldn't let her work at the office for several reasons, but the most striking one being her inexperience. So becoming my housekeeper was all I could offer."

How could I not have felt responsible for her?

As soon as Sierra realises that this is it, the whole story with nothing more to come, she looks up at the ceiling, blinking. I know that means she's trying not to cry, and it pains my hearts seeing her like this.

Suddenly she scoots off my legs, and I let her without trying to keep her. If I didn't know she'd panic, I wouldn't let go of her so easily. But the sad truth is, no matter how much she might trust, or trusted me, she'll always panic if I held her close to me when she wants to leave.

"Atlas," she starts, taking a step back. I stay seated, giving her the space she needs. "I'm not mad, okay? Sure that was really shitty of you, the bet I mean. It might be partially your fault she fell into that rabbit-hole, but she could've ended things with you before that happened. However, I'm glad you did end up helping her, she looks great. Healthy, I mean."

I'm not sure where she's going with this, and truthfully, I fear the ending. Sierra takes another step back. It's as though she slowly backs off to get as far away as possible before she could make a run for it.

Not being able fight the thoughts lingering in my head anymore, I just let them spill right out. "Are you going to leave me?" I'd understand if she—actually, no. I wouldn't understand if that made her leave. It's not like I've done this to her. I didn't cheat on Sierra. Sure, I could've—should have told her about Lisa way earlier, but is that truly a reason to separate?

She halts, freezing, no longer backing off. Her eyebrows draw together, face falling into a frown made of confusion. She shakes her head, but what comes out of her mouth is; "When did she start working here?"

I'm a bit thrown off at first, but I provide her with an answer. "Shortly after the press report about us dating and having a child together was published."

Sierra closes her eyes, pressing her lips together. I'm not sure what she's thinking about, but it sure as hell can't be anything good. "That same day, did she show up and asked for money?" I nod, wondering how she came to that. "Did she object receiving your help, getting off the drugs?" I shake my head. She didn't object at all. "And she was perfectly fine with working where you spend the most time when you're not at work? Where you live, where she has access to everything that's private about your life, all the while knowing your girlfriend was pregnant with your child?" I nod, again.

"I don't know, Atlas." Her tears begin to fall. "I love you, but I can't live here knowing your ex-girlfriend, one you feel responsible for, comes here every other day or so. It might not be a big deal for you, and this is your house, so do as you please, but I feel like she's invalidating our privacy."

She's not snooping around, I want to defend Lisa but bite my tongue. The simple reason for that being; do I really know Lisa isn't secretly looking all around my stuff? Around Sierra's belongings? "How so?"

"Look, this is a really big house, so getting some help isn't the end of the world. But the woman helping out to run the household once had feelings for you. She came to you for help, Atlas. It might have been money reasons, but she let you help her, didn't she? No ex in their right mind would agree to work at the other persons house and clean it," she says. "You're married now, you have a daughter. There's no space for an ex running through the halls and snooping all around. She might just do her job, but do you know that? Yeah, the house is clean, but do you know what she does when you're not around? God knows, she could still be hopelessly in love with you and try to find a way to kill me or Allie."

Seriously? This isn't some kind of thriller we live in, I hope Sierra knows that.

"Can you tell me with one hundred per cent certainty that Lisa isn't barging into the Nursery and looks around, or even tries to get Allie used to her?" I shake my head.

"Why would she try to get Allie used to her?"

"I have a broad imagination, I know that, but she might be planning to kill me and you'd be a single father then. You'll need someone to help you take care of an infant. Lisa is always around anyway, and as Allie is already used to her, might as well go with the easiest option. So, you'd ask Lisa to come back into your life."

I never even considered Lisa having enough brain cells to work out a plan like this, nor did I ever think she could even just think about wanting to kill someone.

However, despite me not thinking that's the case, I won't shrug off Sierra's fears. They're valid, and I will do everything to make her feel safe. I promised her she'd be.

"You want her gone." I accuse, though is it an accusation? I don't even need confirmation from Sierra to know that's what she wants. "Done."

I check the time, it's 4 a.m., perhaps a bit early, but I don't give a shit. But it also doesn't really matter, Lisa was at the charity up until I left as well, so there's a chance she's still awake. God, even if I wake her, I don't give a fuck. I take my phone out of my pocket, unlock it and dial Lisa's number, all the while Sierra watches me with confusion.

"Atlas?" she says as she picks up.

I turn the phone on speaker and allow Sierra to hear the conversation. "You can't work here any longer." My tone is harsh, offering the same man every other person except for Sierra gets when I talk to them. "I want you to return the keys to my residence by 6 p.m., if you don't, it'll have consequences for you, Ms. Schmidt."

Sierra gasps, eyes widening drastically.

"Is this because of your wife, Atlas? Because she's just being paranoid." I should've told Sierra about this way earlier...because this, it definitely doesn't sound like the kind of woman I thought she was.