《Broken Until You》Chapter 39 - Hug Me Tighter
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We walked through a field that had the most beautiful flowers I've ever seen. Flowers different shades of pink, purple, yellow and orange were interspersed throughout the field, except on the dirt pathway that cut the field in half directly in the middle.
Without Autumn noticing, I glimpsed over at her and smiled to myself. Just looking at her, even to this day I still can't count all the reasons why I'm madly in love with her.
She was wearing a beautiful white, short floral dress and she had her hair in a half-up, half-down style, allowing me to see the side of her face. I looked down at her hand and had a strong urge to hold it, but I fought it off.
I could tell — just from looking at her from the side — that she was thinking long and hard.
That's what she said!
Sorry, no time for jokes.
She looked like there were a lot of thoughts buzzing around in her head. She didn't speak unless I spoke first. I honestly didn't know what to say, so I just stared at her, taking in her beauty.
"When did you get that dress?" I finally asked her. "I don't remember getting it for you."
Autumn didn't even look at me. "I had it before I knew you," she said bluntly.
"Oh."
"Are we there yet?" she complained.
"You're acting like a little kid on a road trip. We're almost there."
She glared at me. Oops, shouldn't have said that.
After five minutes of more awkward silence, we finally made it to a little bench at the end of the field that looked out over the entire field, so you could get a whole view of the flowers.
She sat down, crossing her arms as she did so.
I sat down next to her but made sure to keep at least three feet of distance. I didn't want her to get mad if I was too close or anything.
There were a couple other wooden benches near us but thankfully there was no one around us.
We sat in awkward silence, each waiting for the other to begin speaking. Every time I looked over at her, I couldn't remember what I was going to say because her beauty hypnotized me.
I'm amazed when I look at her, not just because of her looks, but because the fact that everything I've ever wanted is right in front of me.
And when you finally get the thing you want, it is the greatest feeling ever. I don't ever want to loose Autumn, but I can't tell how she feels because she won't speak up. I can't tell if she wants to end things.
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Oh, did I mention she was wearing light pink lip gloss that shimmered every time she moved her head? Yeah...it was very hard not to kiss her.
But I do wonder what it taste like. Hmm...maybe strawberry? Or cherry? Or candy? Or watermelon? Or-
"Ryder," she whispered so faintly that I had to break the three feet of distance we had between us so I could move closer and hear what she had to say. "I'm...sorry."
Damn, I felt like an old man. Is my hearing getting worse, or is it the fact that she's barely being audible?
"I'm sorry, what did you say?"
She looked down at her feet in sadness. "I'm so sorry I didn't hear you out when you were begging me to. I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions without hearing your side of the story and for ignoring you for three months," Autumn finally said with more volume in her voice so I could hear her.
"I'm sorry it even happened," I apologized as well. "Once Heather came outside and told me to sit with her, I should have left."
Autumn shook her head. "No, you didn't know what she was going to do. It wasn't your fault, Ry."
"I missed you calling me that nickname."
"This is like the second time I've said it." She chuckled.
I laughed too. "Yeah well it still feels nice to hear you say it."
We smiled for a moment until her lips curved downward. She looked like she was about to cry.
I was starting to get confused with her mood swings. One minute she's quiet, one minute she's smiling, the other minute she's sad, and another time she looks like she's going to cry. Is she on her period?
"Ryder I-'' She covered her face with her hands. I could tell she was really stressed.
I didn't cut in once. I let her take her time and say everything she's been holding back for the past three months.
She looked out in the distance, taking in the view. "I knew it would take time for me to heal from what happened at prom. I thought that if I ignored you, eventually I would get over you and we both could move on."
Then she turned to face me. Her face looked in pain as she became glassy-eyed, holding back the rivers daring to flow down her cheeks.
"But the truth is you are on my mind every waking moment. Every single fucking moment!" She was yelling now, like she was finally able to speak her mind, her thoughts breaking past her lips one by one.
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"You are flowing through my veins and carved into my bones. No matter how hard I try to forget you, your image is burned into my eyelids!! I fight your presence so damn much every second of the day, but you win." She sounded defeated when she whispered "you always win."
"There's something about you- or maybe it's everything about you. I don't know. I can't explain what I feel when I'm around you, Ryder, but I can explain what it feels like to be mad at you and not see you for three months. Hell. It feels like absolute hell. Ignoring you did not allow me to move on, it only seemed to make me miss you more and more."
She held her hands against the sides of her head, looking like she was about to scream. "God!- I feel like the song 'Crazy in Love' by Beyoncé when I'm with you."
I laughed really hard.
"I'm serious! You make me crazy, you big idiot! I don't know how to quiet all these thoughts about you and-''
Before she could protest, I grabbed her hips and pulled her on top of me, slamming my lips against hers.
I felt a touch of fire imprinted upon my lips, a kiss more burning than the fiery depths of hell.
Damn, I've missed kissing her so much. It felt so good.
When I got a taste of her lip gloss I made sure to savor it. Mmm...strawberry.
We parted and at the same time and we both opened our eyes. She blinked in shock.
After we kissed, I can't even remember why we fought in the first place. I could tell Autumn couldn't remember either by the love that shimmered in her blue eyes.
It felt good to know just one simple kiss from my lips was enough to calm the storms in her head.
I wrapped my arms tightly around her tiny waist, and she automatically hugged me back.
"Don't let go of me, Ryder, please. Your arms are my most favorite place to be. It is here where I feel home," she mumbled as she hugged my torso tighter, resting her head in the crook of my neck.
I smiled. "I wasn't planning on letting you go anytime soon, princess."
Hold up.
"Wait. You're still my girlfriend, correct?" I asked her.
"Yes. I was just being stubborn...for three months I suppose." She laughed and I rolled my eyes, but laughed as well.
"I'm going to beat that bitch Heather up for causing all this drama between us. She's so annoying. May the lord help her," Autumn said. I could tell she was getting angry at just the mention of Heather.
"Honestly if you fight her, I won't stop you. I'll cheer you on."
She shivered when a light breeze washed over us so I hugged her even tighter, trying to get her warm.
"Call me crazy, but I think the universe is fighting for us to be together," Autumn said randomly.
"No," I replied. "No that doesn't sound crazy; not in a world like this."
She lifted her head up and looked into my eyes. "Every day I felt physical pain from missing you. I missed you so much and I couldn't understand why I was hurting rather than growing. I thought time would heal me from that night. I thought I would be able to walk away."
"But no matter how far I stepped, I would always go back to square one because when it's real, you can't walk away. And I couldn't, I couldn't walk away no matter how hard I tried."
She intertwined her fingers with mine and sighed. "Even something as simple as holding hands. I missed everything."
I kissed her hand that was laced with mine. I looked up to see her blushing at my kiss. How cute. "You don't know how much I missed this too."
We continued to stay in this position for what felt like hours, but it felt very nice to hold her again.
As I held Autumn in my arms, I realized it was not until I met her that I understood I had never been in love before.
And I never want to love anyone but her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AUTHORS NOTE: Sorry this is kind of a short chapter. I know readers get upset when the two main characters get into a fight so I tried keeping the drama for only a short time.
Oh yeah and I have finals next week but I'm going to try to write this weekend. If I don't upload this weekend or next week, you know why (finals). But after finals I'll try to post multiple times a week!!
Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Stay tuned! ❤️
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