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You know how some people say January is like the Monday of the months: boring, lifeless, depressing and gloomy? Yeah, I kind of agree with that. But this January, for me, it's been happy. My mom has been recovering, Luke and my father went to trial and were guilty and now are in jail.

So yeah, you could say my January is going pretty good.

Since the whole traumatic event that happened at my house, the only time I went back into my house was today to pack my things and move in to the vacant bedroom on the downstairs floor of Ryder's house.

I couldn't live in my house because all I would picture as I walked through the halls would be my father abusing me and my mother getting shot. After getting a restraining order against Luke, I thought I was safe in my own house. Sadly, that wasn't true.

Everyday since the tradegy, I have visited my mom at the hospital. I'm really glad she's healing each day. I admire how strong and how much fight she puts in to her recovery.

"Watcha thinking 'bout?" Ryder asked me, noticing I dazed off, lost in my thoughts.

"Everything that happened: my mom and how glad I am that I don't have to worry about Michael or Luke anymore. I can finally take deep breaths knowing those two horrible people are officially out of my life. For good."

I closed my eyes, inhaling a deep breath as the cool wind rippled through my sun dress and long hair.

I didn't feel stressed anymore; like one wrong decision and everything in my life would crumble. I didn't feel the anxiety. I didn't feel my hands shaking from being scared because now I have full control. I am steady.

With my lovely boyfriend's arm wrapped around my waist as I rested my head on his broad shoulder, I finally felt freedom. Freedom from the people that kept me in a cage.

Smiling, I thought: so this is what it's like to be free.

I felt Ryder tense and start to shiver. "Damn it's cold," he huffed, teeth chattering. "Are you sure you're not cold? It's January and you're wearing a dress that's literally for summer."

I laughed. He was acting like such a baby. It was only 65°. "Yeah I'm good, thanks for asking."

On this somewhat-cold, somewhat-hot day, Ryder and I decided to have a picnic on a grassy area that looked over the ocean.

Ryder continued to complain at the cold weather. I hugged him, kissing him on the cheek. "You're such a baby, you know that right?"

He pouted, sticking out his lower lip. "No I'm not. It's fricken 65°, and to top that, the wind is as cold as a blizzard!"

I rolled my eyes. He over exaggerated just like a drama queen.

Unwrapping my arms from his waist, I reached infront of me for the basket of sandwiches I packed for the two of us.

"Hug me again, you were warming me up," Ryder pleaded immediately after I let go of him.

"Ok. I will. Just let me grab a sandwich. Do you want one, my over-dramatic drama queen?" I giggled, grabbing myself a turkey sandwich and Ryder a peanut butter and jelly one, since I knew he would say yes.

"You already know." Ryder took the sandwich from me and began to devour it. Wow...he was really hungry.

"Oh ya, by the way," he mumbled while munching on his sandwich. "I have a present for you when we get home.

When we get home. I smiled to myself.

"Well...what is it?" I asked him curiously. I wasn't a fond of surprises so if it was a prank...

"If I told you, then it wouldn't be a suprise."

Ugh. Of course he wouldn't tell me.

"Fine. Don't tell me."

He smirked, but his eyes were hypnotized by the ocean far ahead of us. Looking in his eyes, I could see the waves crashing in the distance. His cocky smirk always portrayed confidence, but now, his eyes didn't match his expression. His brown eyes looked sad and scared.

"Something wrong?"

Ryder licked his lips and finger-brushed his hair out of his eyes. "What are we going to do when we have to go to college? What if we go to different colleges?"

"Don't worry," I laced our fingers together, "we will just do long distance."

He shook his head in disapproval. "No. No, I can't do that."

My eyebrows lifted in confusion. Many highschool couples do long distance relationships when they go to college. Why did he not like that idea?

"Why not, Ryder?"

"I just...I can't loose you. What if we want to go to colleges far away from eachother? What if we go to colleges in different states?"

"Then we will call eachother everyday, no matter what," I reassured him but he still looked scared.

"Autumn, if you and I were just having a 'thing' then I would be fine with it. But now, you're everything to me and I can't loose that. Sure, we would call eachother everyday, but it wouldn't be the same as seeing you everyday."

I rested my head on his shoulder, wrapping my arm around his bicep. "You won't loose me, Ryder. I don't have eyes for anyone but you, even when you're not with me."

"I'm still scared. You say you won't loose me but I'm still scared. Yeah, we might talk everyday in the beginning. But everyone knows long distance never works. We won't talk every single day. You might have too much studying to call me or I might be busy."

"Ryder-''

He shut his eyes tightly. "The reason I'm scared to loose you is because I'm in love with you, Autumn!"

I blinked in shock, thinking I heard him wrong.

But I didn't hear him wrong.

I'm in love with you, Autumn.

Butterflies fluttered madly in every inch of my stomach. I couldn't breath.

How real it felt to hear Ryder say those words for the first time.

He pulled my face up from his shoulder and held my flushed face in his hands. Brown, emotional eyes poured their love into my eyes, filling my soul up with an emotion I've only felt for this Ryder, no one else. I felt so much love within him and within me.

"R-Ryder..." The only word that could come out of my mouth. I was paralyzed just from him saying he loved me.

A tear escaped my eye, trickling down my cheek.

"Everytime I think about my future, I always see you in it. I want you to be in my future. I don't want to be apart from you."

I grabbed onto his hands that were holding my face to steady myself. He was overwhelming me.

"When my father took my sibilings away from my mom and I, I felt so empty. I felt that nothing could ever give me life again."

Swiftly with his thumb, he wiped away the tear from my cheek. "But then I met you," he smiled bright. "Even when I pretended to hate you, I felt you slowly light up my world in a way I never thought was possible. These feelings you gave me scared the shit out of me at first. But now, I'm scared of loosing them. I've never been so scared to loose someone so much. Never."

Resting his forehead against mine, he sighed in relaxation at our touch. "I can't loose the girl I love the most," he whispered softly but with so much fear, as if loosing me was the worst thing that could happen to him.

I was afraid to loose him too. No one knows what will happen in the future – well, maybe fortune tellers and psychics. But I'm not either of those.

I looked into his eyes. My breathing faltered when I saw the love in his perfect, chocolate eyes. Love sparkled and glowed in every gold spec — like lanterns — inside his brown orbs.

This boy, Ryder Becker, was the one that healed me – that made my scars feel beautiful. He turned my scars into stars.

When it came to Ryder, he made me feel vulnerable. He had crashed through my universe, delicately kissing my soul in a way no one else could.

Boys have liked me for my smiles, but never for my scars. I have waited for a boy who would love my scars just as much as he would love my heart.

Ryder. Ryder is the one that I've been waiting for. Realizing Ryder was right about college and how it would not be the same if we did long distance, my gut told me to never let go of him.

So I won't. I won't let go.

"No ones ever said they loved me- not even my own dad. Obviously my parents don't love me in the way you do because that would be creepy if they were in love with me," I chuckled and so did Ryder. "But even love in a family way, my dad never said it. I mean, my mother would say it but for some reason, it never felt quite right. So when you say you're in love with me, I..."

Anxious for me to finish my sentence, Ryder said questionly, "you...?"

"...I can't help but feel an emotion greater than anything I've ever felt before. Don't you get it? Just your words seem to light my whole body on fire." I told him, not taking my eyes off of his eyes once.

I sighed in awe at his smile. "You touch me, Ryder, and suddenly I feel less damaged and more healed. I'm not sure what peace is supposed to feel like, but I believe it may feel a lot like you."

My heart was beating ecstatically. "You have the arms I want to wrap myself in. You have the eyes I want to get completely lost in. You have this wonderful smile that warms my heart. You have the voice I would listen to all damn day. You are everything I want."

I closed my eyes and gently kissed the tip of his nose. When I opened my eyes, I noticed the hair that fell over his eyes so I wiped it away.

When I moved his hair and my fingers brushed his forehead, he blushed.

"I look at you and wow, I'm so in love, and it terrifies me. It terrifies me what I would do for you, Ryder."

We stared at eachother like nothing else mattered. It felt like we were in our own universe, not bothered by anyone, just the two of us.

"I...I love you, Ryder."

His bottom lip quivered, eyes glassy. "R-Really?"

My eyes turned glassy as well. I nodded, "yes. Of course I do."

How right it felt to finally say those words to the boy I really did love with all my heart.

Ryder forcefully smashed his lips against mine. Our lips automatically moved in sync, and I moaned at the sweet, mystical taste of his lips. He kissed me like my lips were air and he couldn't breathe. When we both parted for air, I gasped at how hard he kissed me. But his lips were showing me how much he loved me, just like his words did.

There were miracles in his kisses. They were medicine to my veins, curing me of all the bad things that I've gone through.

Letting go of my face, Ryder embraced me in a tight, loving hug. I hugged him right back and buried my face into the crook of his neck.

As we hugged, Ryder kissed my cheek so many times. I giggled at his kisses, "Ryder! *giggle* Stop!" I continued to laugh.

Ah, how right the world was.

I pulled away from his embrace but stayed sitting in his lap, facing him. "So, we will figure out a way to be together in college. Who knows, we could go to colleges that are very close to eachother, or we could go to the same college! And I want you to know, if it does come to long distance, I promise I will find every opportunity to drive or fly to see you because I will only love you- no one else...no matter how far apart we are."

He nodded. "Ok," he said weakly. I could tell Ryder's breath was taken away when I said I loved him. He still looked in shock. I can't blame him– I was in shock when he said he loved me.

"Times will be hard. But if we love eachother, we will always find a way around difficulties," I added, trying to help Ryder understand that everything would be okay no matter what happened in the future.

"Y-You're ri...right," he stuttered. His mouth was still parted in shock.

We were quiet for a couple minutes, lost in each other's eyes. We had the goofiest smiles planted on our lips, which were puffy and red from making out a few minutes earlier.

"Ryder, what college were you thinking about going to?" I asked, ending the silence.

He scratched the back of his neck. "Hmmm...let's see. I was thinking about Arizona State University, UCLA, University of Georgia, or Indiana University. I heard Georgia and Indiana were party schools," he winked.

I rolled my eyes. Of course.

"UCLA? That's a really hard school to get into. Even the all A's students don't always get in; and no offense, but you're not an all A student. You don't care about your grades as much as the try-hards do."

He shrugged. "UCLA is a backup plan. What college do you want to go to, angel?"

I sighed. "I...I don't know yet. I haven't really considered any colleges. To be honest," I looked out at the ocean, feeling the wind move my hair and blow it in the breeze like how a flag ruffles in the wind. "I don't even know what I want to do after college. No jobs interest me."

Ryder patted my back in comfort. "There's so many careers out there waiting for you to pursue them. Trust me, you will find one sooner or later. You and I can even go and look at some colleges sometime, just so you have an idea of where you want to go."

"You're right. There's atleast one job out there for me. Thanks, Ryder."

He nodded and smiled. His smile made my breath get caught in my throat.

He's so beautiful...

We sat in a comfortable silence, gazing at the dark blue sea.

As if it was subconsciously, my eyes lowered to Ryder's mouth. Seductively, I licked my lips in desire. I wanted to taste them again, like a secret or a sin.

"Hey, Autumn..."

Before he could finish his sentence I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling his face to mine, going in for round two.

I could feel him smirk against my lips. He knew he was intoxicating to me.

"I can't...get...enough," he mumbled inbetween the kiss as he stuffed his hand in my hair. Fire lived within his kiss. Some how, he had a way of melting me every time.

Ryder parted his lips from mine, attaching them to my neck. I tilted my neck to give him more access.

I completely forgot we were in public.

I could feel a moan about to erupt from me, but before it could, I heard a little girls voice.

"Gross!! Ewww, cooties!!"

Who the...

Standing in front of us were two six-year old kids. One was a tan boy with dark brown hair and brown eyes, and a pale girl with long, brown hair and blue eyes.

The two kids looked just like a younger version of Ryder and me.

The little girl had her hand cupped over her mouth in shock. "Why are you touching lips?! You will get cooties!! Wait...do you want cooties?" she asked us, disgust filled her voice.

Ryder smirked at me as I got off his lap. "This girl," he pointed at me, "is my wonderful girlfriend. See, little girl, when you love someone, you show them in all the ways possible. I kissed her because I love her."

I could feel my heart warming up at the tenderness in his words.

The little boy seemed really focused on Ryder's words while the little girl looked really confused. A little farther away, I could see parents talking and kids — probably the same age as the boy and girl gawking at us — playing with a ball. They must be these kids' friends.

"So...when you love someone, you can kiss them?" The boy asked Ryder.

Ryder nodded. "That's right, buddy."

The boy turned to look at the girl.

The girl didn't notice her friend was staring at her. Instead, she was so focused on Ryder and I. "Brian, don't you think it's gross that they were kiss-''

Following Ryder's 'advice', the little boy quickly kissed the little girl on the lips.

My mouth fell to the floor and so did Ryder's.

Disgusted and shocked, the little girl pushed him away and stuck her tongue out. "Blah! Brian, ew!! Why would you do that?! Boys have cooties!"

Ryder leaned over to whisper to me. "Isn't it actually girls have cooties?"

"I think so. She has it all messed up," I whispered back to Ryder.

"I did it because I love you!!" The little boy admitted proudly to the girl who had her hands on the sides of her head, not able to comprehend what just happened.

Ryder nugged my side. "Gotta give the kid credit. He had the balls to even say that her."

I playfully slapped his arm. "Ryder, shush!"

Horror filled the little girls face. A loud shriek escaped from her and she ran away from him as fast as she could to her other friends.

"Wait," the boy chased after her. "Elizabeth, wait up!!"

When they were out of hearing, Ryder and I burst out in laughter.

"That was amazing!" Ryder chuckled, wiping away a tear of laughter from his cheek.

"Did you see the look on her face!!" I was cracking up, unable to breathe.

We continued to laugh histerically together for what felt like forever. I loved laughing with him. It made me feel the most happy.

When we calmed down, Ryder finally said "hey...they kind of look like-''

"-us." I finished his sentence for him.

"Yeah. Just like us."

We watched the group of kids kicking a ball around in a circle, laughing, having fun.

Watching those kids, my future flashed past my eyes.

All I saw was Ryder and I with kids, as a happy family.

I know I'm young and there's many other boys on this earth, but when I look at Ryder, all I want is a family with him in the future.

No one can change their future, because everything they do in the present will create it for them. And even though I can't predict what will happen, I have a strong feeling Ryder will be with me for a long time.

And that's all I want.