Throughout my time spent in New York I have asked Taylor, my friend from school, to check up on my mom occasionally. My mother isn't sick or anything like that, it's just I want to make sure she is safe when she is at home. I want her to be protected from my father and everything that could harm her while I'm away.

So far my mom has been okay safely at the house, but I obviously know she leaves when my drunk dad gets home at night.

The whole trip I didn't have to worry about my mom because Taylor said she's okay.

But today was different.

"What do you mean she's gone?" I asked Taylor from across the phone, worry filled my every word.

"I went to your house multiple times today to check if she was there, and she hasn't been there since yesterday. Everytime I call, it goes to voicemail."

Head in my hands, I rested on the edge of my bed and sighed, "her phone must be dead. But she never leaves the house without charging it. Something is wrong, very wrong."

"Don't worry so much, Autumn. I called the police. They are searching for her as we speak."

"Thank you, Taylor. Thank you." I was so thankful for Taylor at this moment. Thank god she stayed home instead of coming on the trip with us to New York.

"Autumn..." she said warningly. "There's something you should know."

The serious tone in her voice sent the hairs on my arms straight up.

"Last night, I was going to check your house again when I heard screaming come from inside the house — it sounded like your mothers voice."

My hand cupped my mouth. Silence fell from both ends of the phone.

"...I think...someone took her." Taylor whispered, careful not to cause me anxiety or worry.

My hands shook. "Oh my god..." I whispered, the earthquakes in my voice cracked. It was hard to speak, let alone hard to listen.

"Something wrong?" Ryder sat beside me, wrapping his arm around me. He had just gotten out from doing his hair in the bathroom.

I held up index finger up to silence him, and pressed the phone even closer up against my ear.

"D-Do you think it was Michael?"

"Possibly. If it was a break in, then I'm guessing the windows would be broken or the lock on the door would be broken, but it's not. Nothing is shattered or damaged, so either the front door was unlocked or someone had a key." Taylor informed me, making me imagine my father abusing my mother like he abuses me.

Ryder massaged circles on my back, which calmed me down a little.

"Also," Taylor added, "I checked the hotel your mom goes to everytime your dad comes home, and she wasn't there. Apparently, according to the workers at the hotel, she hasn't been there in a couple weeks."

My hands ruffled my hair in stress. "He probably got home at a time she happened to be there and took her, that's what I'm guessing."

"Yeah but...why?" Taylor curiously asked.

"I don't know I-''

A lightbulb went off in my head, like I just cracked the code to the impossible.

Luke. It has to be Luke. He must be using my mom as leverage.

"Thank you Taylor for all your help. Please call me if you find anything else."

"Your welcome. Bye Autumn."

I hung up the phone and threw it onto the bed.

"Shit." I quickly got up and started packing my things into my suitcase.

Ryder stood up as well, "what's wrong?"

"This is all my fucking fault. My dad, my mom- all of it."

"I don't understand."

Slamming my suitcase shut, I turned to face him. A tsunami of tears ached to flow out of my eyes. "Don't you get it? I'm the reason my mom has been kidnapped, I'm the reason Luke is after me, I'm the reason my dad abuses me."

My hands started shaking again, anxiety, fear and anger took over. "If I would have had sex with Luke willingly, then my mom wouldn't be held captive by him right now. Or my dad wouldn't have to abuse me for fucking money!"

"Why would you think having sex with Luke willingly would have been a good option?" Ryder asked.

"Because he raped me, Ryder!" I yelled, trying to get my point across. "And if I told the police, he could go to jail. That's probably why he has my mom — as leverage — so it forces me to not tell the police!"

If I never dated Luke then I would have a normal life, not some crappy one like this.

Ryder wrapped his arms around me, "shhh it's going to be oka-''

Panicking, I pushed Ryder away with as much force as I could conjure up. "No no no! It's not okay!!!"

My lip quivered and my breathing became uneven. I was so scared, so scared as to what Luke would do to my mom. My poor, helpless mom.

Stepping backwards, I held my hands up against the sides of my head, crumpling fist-fulls of hair. "It's not....okay."

I think at this moment is when I completely lost it.

My mind was spiraling out of control, spinning so fast I couldn't figure out what to say.

So instead, I let it all out.

Knees weak, I fell to the floor, letting out a painful scream. The scream held all the words I couldn't figure out what to say into one noise that explained it all.

"Mom..." I cried and cried till I needed to take a deep breath.

But I couldn't breath, so I gasped for a breath, as if I was drowning.

Ryder swooped me up bridal style and sat all the way on the bed, cradling me in his arms.

He kissed my head gently, "don't cry my angel, please."

"I'm so sorry mom." I whispered into his chest as tears stained his shirt. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you."

I looked up at the boy who held me like his life depended on it. "It's all my fault, isn't it?"

The fear in my voice, the anger in my bones, and the anxiety in my heart died when Ryder's soft lips kissed crashed onto mine. His hands cupped the sides of my face as his lips moved in sync with mine.

When our lips parted, he didn't let go of my face. Instead, he stared deeply into my eyes. "Don't you ever say it is your fault. None of this is your fault. Being raped, getting abused, how could that be your fault?"

I rested my head against his chest as he held me tighter to his body. The slow beat of his heart relaxed the pounding and booming heart in my chest.

"You know, Autumn, no matter how hard we try at times, we can't always protect the ones we love. We try so hard but when something bad happens to the person we tried to protect, we get angry and wonder why our protection wasn't good enough."

Pain laced his voice. "Because no matter how hard you try to protect people, the world will show you just how easily it can hurt them."

He bit his lip to stop tears. My poor love has been through so much pain, he understands the position I'm in.

"Like my brother and sister for instance. I thought they died because I didn't protect them enough, but in reality I protected them as much as I could. Even all my protection wasn't enough to save them."

"Then," I sniveled, "why did they die if you we're able to protect them?"

He smiled, but it held so much pain that it was hard to look at him.

"It's just sometimes, bad things happen to good people."

He held onto my hand. "No matter what happens to your mother, it isn't your fault, Autumn. You are not a bad person for all of this happening to you. And I'm not a bad person for not being able to protect my sibilings enough."

His gentle lips caressed the top of my hand. "The most kind people have faced the most cruelty. This terrible world has sharpened us to be like blades, but if we use it to protect others or cause pain, then that shows who we are. And the fact that we both choose to protect makes us the kindest of humanity."

"You're right. You're right." I agreed with him. Ryder always had a way with words. It was fascinating how easily he could calm me with just the simple words he spoke so elegantly.

"You have done all you can to protect your mother, so now all you can do it have hope that she will be alright." Golden hope sparkled in his eyes like glitter.

I smiled and nodded my head.

The only reason I have hope, is because of you.