Last night until 2:00am Ryder and I sat outside and talked about everything: our thoughts, our hopes, our fears, our dreams. Our talk was something I've never expirenced with anyone.

Ryder wanted to know many things about me. He seemed so fascinated with the way I talked as he admired my every word. No ones ever had any interest in who I am or what things I like. No one before Ryder.

Everytime I'm with him, I notice the coldness in his voice and the darkness in his eyes lessens and lessens. He has started to open up to me about many things; it's as if he trust me with all his heart.

I would say I'm glad that he shows me his soft side but actually, it scares me. It makes me want to spill all of my secrets and thoughts. It makes me want to tell him about Luke and my Father.

He makes me want to give in.

Ryder makes me want to feel freedom; freedom from myself and my miserable life. He makes me want to trust again. Trust is a very difficult thing to earn but this boy makes me want to give it to him without any hardship.

The way Ryder managed to crash into my universe and tender my soul made me feel so vulnerable.

As we sit on separate beds watching a football game on T.V, I gaze at him.

And I think to myself: I want to give this boy everything. All of me, all of the world.

"I know I'm sexy and all, but there's no need to stare at me for five minutes straight."

I rapidly blinked and turned away. Have I really been staring at him for five minutes?

"I-I was just looking out the window!" I exclaimed, trying to think of a good response.

He didn't even try to argue since all his attention was focused on the football game.

I swear, boys and their sports.

Since we went to bed so late last night, we missed the sight seeing today but I didn't mind. The whole class went back to Central Park so I'm glad Ryder and I woke up at 12:00pm.

It's now 6:00pm. The whole day we stayed in our pajamas, watched T.V, and wrote more essays to add to our presentation. We already ate dinner that we ordered from room service (again).

Ryder yawned and shut off the television. "I'm bored."

I yawned as well. "Same."

"Hey, you want to go to the pool? I know it's on the top floor but we aren't going to be one hundred and two floors up so don't worry."

"Won't we get in trouble if someone from school sees us?"

"Autumn, everyone's at that fancy restaurant until 10:00pm. Don't you remember? If we go now that means we have four hours before they get back."

A night swim did seem relaxing after all the work we composed in the past hours.

"Ok fine."

He smiled, "yay! Lets hurry up and change."'

***

"Maybe swimming in this weather isn't such a good idea." I recommened as I shivered violently. I have no idea why I agreed to swim at night in the cold. I mean come on, it's winter!!

"Don't be a wuss, Autumn." Ryder took of his shirt, exposing his abs.

My breath faltered so I looked down at the concrete.

"Plus there's no one here so we have the whole pool to ourselves. Bonus!"

Before I could complain any longer, Ryder ran full speed and jumped into the pool.

"Cannonball!!"

The water around him erupted into a mini explosion as he fully emerged into the pool. Tiny droplets splashed onto me, making me even colder than I already was.

"Ryder, shhhhhhh! We will get in trouble!"

He raked his fingers through his wet hair. "We're on the top floor and we're outside. No one would be able to hear us even if the city was quiet."

I shrugged. I guess he's right.

Out of no where Ryder splashed water onto me, making me squeal.

"Get in, Autumn! The waters so warm! If you don't get in, I will continue to splash you!"

"Fine fine," I held my hands up in surrender, "I'm coming. Hold your horses."

I stood up from the pool chair I was sitting on and took the towel off of me.

"Hey watch me do a handstand!" Ryder said but I was too busy taking off my shirt and shorts to pay attention to him.

I was wearing a black bikini and the bottoms were cheeky. Probably shouldn't have worn this around a hormonal teenage boy, I thought as I bent forward to untie my converse.

Behind me, I could hear Ryder come up for air. "I can hold my breath for a long time, did you watch me-''

When I was done untying my shoes, I turned around and saw a red-faced Ryder staring at me. Not only was he paralyzed in place, his mouth was parted slightly but he didn't even notice.

Now I was nervous. My knees felt weak just by the stare he was giving me. It looked as if he was hypnotized by me.

Blush crept onto my cheeks. No one has ever looked at me the way Ryder has, not even Luke.

Instead of cannon balling into the pool, I slowly emerged into the water by stepping in. Even in the shallow end the water reached close to my bikini top. But for Ryder it reached a little lower on his body since he was taller than me.

The whole process of me getting into the pool, Ryder never took his eyes off of me. The look in his eyes made me feel like I was a goddess sent from heaven. His stare made me weak and so vulnerable.

I didn't want to feel weak against him. I needed him to stop staring at me with such intensity so I thought with quick thinking.

Tapping his shoulder, I yelled "tag! You're it!"

And I swam for my life.

It took a couple seconds for Ryder to comprehend what I said, but when he did, he was chasing me as fast as a cheetah.

It was dark out so the only light that shined was from the moon, the couple pool lights, and the water. Inside the water were lights that changed the pool color every minute or so. But when the water turned purple, I couldn't see Ryder.

"Maybe he gave up?" I assumed as my eyes scanned the large pool. He was no where in sight. Maybe he left? No, I would have heard him...right?

When the lights turned a different shade making the water pink, I was able to see Ryder swimming underwater towards me at full speed.

I turned away and started swimming.

But it was too late. He caught up to me in a flash.

I shrieked when Ryder's hands grasped onto my hips, pulling me backwards.

Before my body hit his, he was able to spin me around so that I faced him.

My feet weren't touching the floor since I was being pulled so when he finally got a hold of me, my legs subconsciously wrapped around his waist.

When I calmed down from what just happened and realized what was happening, I froze.

Ryder's body was tightly pressed against mine. His hands rested under my thighs.

Of all the times he's made me blush, this has to be the most ever. Thank god my wet hair was covering most of my face.

"Y-You scared me. I t-thought you left." I managed to whisper despite the fact that my heart was beating like crazy and I couldn't think properly.

The only thing I could really think about was his hands and our bodies pressed against eachother.

"Sorry," he awkwardly laughed. The way he said it, I could tell he was nervous too.

We stayed silent. My breathing was shaky and very uneven.

While his hands rested under my thighs, mine rested on the top of my thighs. All of a sudden, my fingers tingled with a craving that I just couldn't ignore. My hands wanted to feel him.

Being bold, I took it upon myself to slowly glide my hands up his abs.

Right away, Ryder's breathing hitched. I could tell he enjoyed my touch because he shut his eyes and his hands squeezed my thighs a little bit.

My fingertips were warm at the feel of his soft skin. My hands wrapped around his neck when they finished sliding up his beautiful toned abs.

But that warmth wasn't enough. I wanted to feel like I was on fire. I wanted to burn.

Lust and desire were overtaking my senses. I was slowly forgetting the day I was raped by the boy I used to like, but it was still in the back of my mind.

What if Ryder takes advantage of me just like Luke did? I can't trust this feeling. This feeling is...it's...

Ryder tucked the hair covering my face behind my ear, exposing my face to him.

"Autumn..." Ryder trailed off, his voice husky and rough with desire.

When I looked at his face, his eyes were fixated on my parted lips. His brown eyes were driving me crazy as they stared hungrily at my lips.

In that moment, all I wanted was for him to kiss me.

The hand that tucked away my hair now cupped the side of my face, while the other one held onto my thigh.

"R-Ryder..."

What I was feeling, it wasn't just lust, it was a lethal lust. I knew if we went any further that this would be bad. I wouldn't be able to fight against him if he took advantage of me. But I wanted this, him.

If I knew it was bad, why didn't I push away? Why didn't I fight his hold on my leg and his touch on my cheek. If I was scared of repeating history, why wasn't I stopping it from occurring?

In the back of my mind, I was stopping myself by reminding me of what happened with Luke, but my instinct was telling me that not all boys take advantage and that Ryder was different.

Should I trust my mind or instinct?

Our eyes locked and when his fingers gently lowered on my face to graze the pulse on my neck, I lost control.

And I followed my instinct.

Without any more thought, I pressed my lips against his with force.

The first taste I got from his lips, I realized that I have been starving.

Ryder was stunned for a second but he's a quick thinker, so he caught on and kissed me back with just as much force.

His lips tasted like candy, sweet to the touch but addicting if you have too much. And just one taste and oh boy, I was addicted.

The taste and feeling of his lips made me feel like I was in a whole other galaxy, floating on the stars.

Even though he was close enough, I pulled his neck even closer. I just couldn't get enough.

We kissed eachother like we have been craving this for so damn long. I could tell he wanted to feel and touch me as much as I wanted to do to him.

So this is what flames from a fire feel like.

I was burning. My whole body was on fire, especially my lips.

Our lips moved in sync like they were made to touch for years.

Ryder licked my bottom lip and bit it. My lips parted and I gasped when he shoved his tongue past my lips and inside my mouth.

When his tongue met mine, I moaned into the kiss. His tongue and lips pleasured mine. I felt like I was high, floating in the moment as these feelings overwhelmed me.

I was drowning in the kiss and needed air.

Our lips parted but they stayed very close, getting ready for another round. But instead of kissing my lips, he moved my hair to one side of my neck, giving him full access.

Deep down I knew I never trusted these types of feelings, especially after Luke. I knew there was something that made Ryder different, and now I figured it out.

When his lips touched my neck and his teeth grazed the scars my father caused, I realized he could tear my throat open with one single gesture and make me bleed in this pool.

But instead of creating more wounds, he choose to heal them by kissing gently, making me melt.

My fingers tangled in Ryder's hair as I arched my back. "R-Ryder..." I moaned.

"You taste so fucking good, Princess." Ryder murmured against my jaw.

I could barely breathe.

His lips detached from my neck and I let out a breathe of pleasure.

Ryder held my chin. His eyes twinkled with compassion and care. "Battle scars mark your skin, a fighter occupies your mind, brokenness kills your heart, war rattles your bones, and trauma flows through your blood." His finger curled around one of my bikini straps, "let me show you what peace feels like."

Peace. I liked the sound of that.

He pulled my bikini strap down. His lips kissed my shoulder and I had to bite my lip so I wouldn't moan.

I concluded that no one has ever really touched me like Ryder has.

Everything he did to me felt surreal, like paradise. I wanted to cry of happiness because Ryder made me feel like I was finally wanted.

We continued to make out in the pool for some while. He wanted to kiss me everywhere but I wouldn't let him undress me; I wasn't ready to do that.

It was just Ryder and I in our own world, under the shinning stars and the miraculous moon.

This moment, this feeling. I feel complete, alive, and most of all...in love.