Have you ever wanted to save someone from their own darkness super badly that you are willing to burn just to light their way? Even if your flesh burns and bones crack, you'd be okay with keeping them warm?

My answer is yes as I watch Ryder sit in his desk with an emotionless expression planted on his face.

With relief and happiness, I sigh. Finally he's sitting in his regular desk, which is behind mine. Finally.

As I get to know Ryder more, I notice more and more little things about him. The bags under his eyes, the messy (but hot) hair, the life drained out of his skin, and the lack of humanity in his eyes. I know there's something wrong with him, I can just feel it. In order to figure out what it is, I need to talk to Derek because I have a suspicion it has something to do with him.

"Hey Ryder," I sit in my desk and turn to face him.

He doesnt even look up at me as he draws spirals on a random piece of paper. "What the hell do you want?"

My eyes widened a little as I'm taken back by what he said. "Um... I just wanted to know if you were finished with the essay for this week, since it's Friday you needed to finish it before today–''

"Yeah yeah," he interrupts me and grabs a paper from his backpack, "just shut up and take it."

I huffed in annoyance. "What the hell is this?"

I flung the piece of paper at his eyes, almost giving him a paper cut but he caught it successfully....sadly. He looked at me with confusion. "What do you mean?"

This idiot!

"It's crumpled and ripped to shreds!! What's in your bag that could of ripped this so badly...a shark?!"

Ryder eyed the paper and shrugged, handing it back to me. "Looks a-okay to me!"

"Jackass," I mumbled under my breath as I stood up to go turn in our papers.

"What was that, love?"

My heart fluttered at the word 'love' but I was too mad to enjoy it so instead ignored the feeling.

I want to scream. I can't understand why he was acting like a first-class jerk some days and other days, like today, acting all perky and flirty by calling me 'love'. What's up with that?

He is confusing me and I don't like it.

"I called you a jackass. And don't call me love!" I snapped and he seemed satisfied with my anger.

His lips formed into an 'o' shaped form. "Oooo fiesty, I like it."

Without thinking before speaking, I immediately retorted. "I will choke you with my bare hands Becker!"

I covered my mouth immediately once I said this because I knew what he was going to say next.

He chuckled. "Wow," he let out a breath once he was done cackling like a chimpanzee. "You sound like you would be a freaky girl, Autumn, but I never thought that would be your kink."

The whole class laughed at his comment especially Heather and my cheeks burned red. I swear it isnt my kink I don't even have one but the whole class now thinks so.

Thats it. I'm gonna kill him.

***

"Thanks for meeting me. I know you don't want to talk about Ryder but I just...I want to know what's up with him. Maybe he's always been like this but I just want to know." I thanked Derek as we sat at a table at a sandwich resturant near Willington High.

"Yeah no problem, what do you want to ask?" His smile held innocence.

"Ok so um...what even happened between you guys? Why does Ryder hate you?"

Derek sighed and looked down at his coffee. "Ryder and I used to be friends — best friends actually. From 4th to 8th grade. But then one day, something in 8th grade happened."

He shifted a few times in his seat; I could tell he was nervous. "I was getting beaten up by 9th graders. They were the deadliest kids in their grade. They would bring pocketknives to school and threaten kids for their lunch money."

As cruel as it sounds, I tried to hold back a laugh. Wow. Kids would use pocketknives to get other kids' lunch money? That's kind of extra just for dumb old lunch money if you ask me.

"They slashed me with their pocketknives, punched, kicked, and beat me with their baseball bats to the point where I could have passed out but I didn't. The whole time Ryder was watching, cheering them on."

I covered my mouth with my hand in shock. Why would Ryder do this?

"When they were done they said 'you really thought you could beat us?'. And I was so confused because I never said I could beat them. Then it occurred to me that Ryder told them that so they would have respect for him, for telling them."

He drank his coffee slowly, savoring the taste. "His plan worked. He got what he wanted. He got to be in their 'clique'. Beating up kids, bullying them for their lunch money. Ryder became a cool kid and was worshipped."

"That day we started to hate each other. Never said a word to the other again. I cant even look at him without shuddering."

What I noticed the whole time was that Derek's eyes never met mine. Not once. Was he lying?

"I'm... I-I'm so sorry," I whispered.

Derek grabbed my hand and I gasped in suprise. I wanted to pull away but his grasp on my hand was really firm. "It's ok. I'm doing better now, really." Derek smiled but he wasn't looking at me but at a girl in a hood taking a picture of us from a few tables away.

"What the hell," I forced my hand back and eyed him suspiciously. "Who the fuck is that?!"

He leaned back in his chair, not worried or suprised. "Probably another girl that stalks me. Nothing new hun."

Eww. 'Hun'.

Now I'm uncomfortable. I need to get out of here. Like now.

"Well thanks for talking to me I appreciate it." I quickly said as I laid a $10 bill on the table for my lunch. "I have to go now. I'll catch up with you later."

"Ok bye." He said but he never looked at me once, instead he was smiling at the girl in the hood.

In fact, they were both smiling!

Something about that girl and what just happened wasn't right. If only I knew who she was.

The story that Derek told me didn't seem as real as I thought but I'm too afraid to ask Ryder. What if he gets upset that I invaded his past relationship with Derek? What if he just gets upset all together? We're already not on speaking terms and I feel like bringing this up would make it way worse.

Ehh screw it. I'll ask anyways.