"To live is too suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering." --Friedrich Nietsche

[37]

beep and that's all it takes for my eyes to snap open and the horrible feeling of panic set in. I can't think of why my eyes are open though, even if the panic heaves heavily in my chest.

My eyes aren't adjusting to the bright lights quickly which is why everything is so blurry. I groan as a sudden pain encloses itself in my head. I blink rapidly, taking in my surroundings.

And that's when it hits me.

I bolt up from my chair and scream for help. Tears fill my eyes before they quickly cascade down my face. Horror fills my insides as I stare at my best friend. My eyes are wide with fright and all I do is stare. I stare at the life that is vanishing before my eyes.

So quickly, too soon.

Scrubs of different colours flash around me as they try to save her; as they try to save Lily.

Someone yanks my arm and I'm pulled from the room. I reach my hand out to Lily but all I seem to do is get further away from the mess I first created.

This whole thing is my fault.

My throat burns forming a scream that doesn't make any sound. It's just me in my thoughts. I see nothing as I try to make out my surroundings. Everything is just suddenly...black. While my best friend fades away in the room next door, I fade in the room I'm standing in.

The persons whose hand is still wrapped around mine pulls me into a hug. I cry into their chest as sobs of grief break inside of me. I clutch the person's shirt thinking I might fall.

I just want her to stay. I want to hear her cheery laugh as she yells at me in a joking manner. I want her to make fun of the hot models on TV. I want her to give me advice on how to fix this. And most of all, I want to apologise to her.

I want my best friend. After everything I've been through, my demons believe that maybe if they take one more person out of my life, I'll be happy?

I pull away from the chest I realise as Adams and slowly walk over to Nolan. His eyes and cheeks are swollen and red with tears. I wrap my arms around his torso all while reaching my hand out towards Adam. There we stand in the hospital waiting room together.

As a family.

We all cry for Lily in hope that they'll save her. Maybe they will, but, maybe they won't. Nolan's body shakes hysterically while he cries for his twin sister. Adam does too. Both fully grown males cry for a girl's life they've grown to love over years of living.

The life of Lily Harley. Our best friend and sister.

Waking up is no longer the pleasure it used to be. Now it's a harsh, harsh nightmare except, I'm awake experiencing every little thing.

I snuggle into Adams' shoulder as best as I can before giving up. It's useless. I can't get back to sleep, so what's the point in even trying?

I sigh and groggily stand up, walking towards the mini cafeteria in hope for a coffee. My feet trudge on the ground loudly while I keep my eyes on my shoes, not wanting people to look at my swollen and tear-stained face right now.

I head over to the coffee machine and fill three coffees up before walking over to the register and pulling out a fifty dollar note. The lady at the counter smiles warmly at me before giving me my change and wishing me goodbye.

I mumble a 'bye' back before heading back to the waiting room. An unsettling feeling rests itself in the pit of my stomach again and I bite my cheeks in annoyance and nervousness.

I walk over to Nolan and Adam and give them their coffees. They both look equally exhausted and it won't surprise me if I look the same.

4 hours, they've been in that room for. Four. Hours.

We all now sit anxiously on the uncomfortable seats outside Lily's room and wait. When that door opens, our lives will change for the better or the worse. I'm crossing my fingers for the better. I want my best friend and I want her soon. Call me greedy and selfish if you want but it's true. I need Lily Harley in my life.

My eyes begin to droop again as I rest my head on Adams' shoulder. I sigh and then close them, hoping for sleep to wash over my body once again and hide me from the darkness of this world.

But, then I hear the squeakiness of the door next to us. Nolan, Adam and I jump up to our feet and turn towards the sweat covered doctor.

Hope has been one of the only things I've been able to rely on in my whole life. Hope is a bright light that illuminates the darkness and brings light to our lives. Hope has made me smile on so many occasions. I hoped for a life away from them and eventually, my dream came true.

Slowly but steadily, it came true.

One look at the doctor is all it takes for my fate to be sealed. One look and it's over or...it's only the beginning of an amazing life.

One look.

One look and that's when I feel my heart crumble to tiny pieces and all the hope I have built up shatter to the ground. The doctor looks over at us sympathetically and shakes his head in despair.

There was hope before. Now though, I don't feel anything. I don't want to believe it. I don't want to hear them; those three words.

The doctor's eyes skim over his clipboard before he looks back up at us. Regret fills them. It looks like its possessing his body in some sort of way. He takes one final breath before the words finally slip out his mouth.

"I'm sorry, but, Ms Lily Harley has passed on..."

One sentence, that's all it takes to ruin my life.

Lily is dead...

A few silent seconds pass before everything hits me, hard. I bring my hand up to my mouth and gasp, tears now – once again – pooling my eyes.

I continuously shake my head and back my way back into my chair. A scream ripples its way through the silent hospital. I quickly glance up at the noise and see Mrs Harley standing at the entrance of the waiting room.

She's heard it all.

I hiccup as I try to hold in the unforgiving sobs that are breaking out my mouth. We can never really feel other people's pain, yet, Mrs Harley's scream has made me realise how close both of our pains are.

Death isn't kind, and I know that. It takes people you love with or without any warnings at all. Death, it takes people who are young and rips apart people's lives with just one slight movement. Being dead is permanent. If there were a way to bring people back to life, believe me when I say this, the world would have ended centuries ago.

My best friend, Lily Harley, has been taken from me today. I was the last person to see her final breath. Everyone thought she was getting better, she was responding to our hand squeezes by squeezing our hands back.

Death, it takes people without permission and now, everyone has to live with another loss in their life.

Today, I lost my best friend and tomorrow, I shall mourn her life.