The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off." –Gloria Steinem

[21]

that hiding a massive secret from one of your best friends could be so hard. I was always an honest child, before I was sent to hell, of course. Maybe help is what I've needed all this time. Maybe telling people my secret wouldn't be that bad.

But maybe, they'll find me. They may not physically be here, but they're still here mentally, always reminding me of how isolated and lonely I really am, how unseen I am to the world.

I'm unlovable and that's okay, I don't need love to survive, I need myself and myself only. People can pity me as much as they want, but at the end of the day, I'm only going to get hurt.

It's been two days since that 'little' chat with Adam. Everything's been okay and calm, besides the thousands and thousands of voicemails I've been sent, but that just comes with having friends. They worry for your well-being until they find a new toy.

And I'm fine with that as well.

Today's one of my good days, I'm happy and cheery. I can see the bright sun outside, even if it's actually raining. Rain is my happy weather. All those silent nights aren't ever silent when it is raining. Rain's been one of the few things to stop me from ending my life.

I sigh and stand up from the couch. I've put on a few kilos over the past few weeks. After my little incident with, David, the doctor told me I was underweight and needed to put some fat on. I'm cool with that, it basically means I can pig out at home and do nothing.

My ideal life pretty much.

A smile spreads across my face at the thought of that delicious Doritos sitting in the pantry. I practically run to the kitchen in search of my love.

I take back what I thought before. Only one thing can love me...

Food.

I open the packet in a hurry and shove the deliciousness into my mouth. Yum. A moan escapes my lips as the flavours burst within my mouth. I sigh in contentment.

"What are you doing?" A familiar deep voice asks from behind me. I jump in fright and grab the closest thing to me - which just so happens to be an apple - threatening to throw it at him.

At Adam.

"You've been avoiding me, Prezioso, why?" I groan in frustration and place my bag of Doritos on the counter.

"You don't get it, do you?" I question, running an annoyed hand through my hair.

"What?" Adam asks innocently.

"Fuck you." Adam looks surprised at the wide selection of words I used.

"Very original, Prezioso," Adam smirks and folds his arms across his chest, defining his biceps.

Concentrate, Isabelle. Oh god, I'm becoming one of those girls. I think I need more Jesus in my life. I don't need to feel these feelings right now. I need to ignore him.

"Go away, Adam..." I whisper, walking out the kitchen. I hear footsteps not too far behind me. I groan and throw a pillow at him.

"Isabelle, I just want to talk. Why can't we talk?" Adam pleads. I frown and turn around, looking at Adam.

"Why do you care? No one cares about me anymore, so why do you?" Adams' face turns expressionless.

"I don't need this right now, Isabelle," Adam whispers softly.

"What, Adam? What do you not want right now?" I manage to ask, the anger deep within me sizzling. I'm angry and I'm allowed to be. Perhaps not for Adam trying to care for me, but I haven't been angry my whole life.

So, sue me for being human and having feelings.

"Isabelle..." Adam warns. "Not. Now." He grits his teeth in anger. Maybe I'm not the only one that has pent up anger.

"I don't need you, Adam! I gave myself that bruise, Okay!? I ran into a pole and gave myself that bruise!" My screams filled the musty air. Our breaths are heavy and we're both puffing, only for two different reasons.

"For fuck sake, Isabelle!" Adam yells. I flinch, I haven't seen this side of Adam before. Rumours? Yes, this is what they talked about in the rumours.

'Did you hear about Adam Black? I heard he got sent to jail for getting into a fight and killed someone.'

'I saw Adam Black at therapy yesterday, apparently, he has psychological problems...'

'Adam Black got into a fight with a teacher yesterday. You could hear the yelling from the other end of the school!'

I never did believe any of those rumours. Of course, those were only the little ones I paid attention to. I never really did care that little Billy stood up to Adam Black and earned a punch in return. After all, who really fucking cares?

I stare into Adam's grey, stormy eyes in dismay. They're so beautiful...My hormones always seem to kick in at the right time.

"Isabelle, I'm sorry - " I cut Adam off and shake my head.

"No Adam, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be yelling at you when all you want to do is help." I run a hand down my face.

"Isabelle, I know you didn't run into a fucking pole, that's bull shit and we both know it," Adam whispers and I softly nod my head in agreement.

"Please, tell me?" Adam pleads. I look up into his eyes and shake my head.

"I can't..." I croak out, but my voice cracks. My eyes begin to water at the thought of that night.

"Isabelle, you're not alone. I care for you," Adam says. I shake my head and rub my eyes.

"I can't tell you. They might come back and find me. I don't want them to," I sniffle, tears now streaming down my face.

"I can help you Isa - " I cut Adam off again.

"Please just stop. no one can help me now." Adam grabs my arms and again, pulls the sleeves up, revealing the scars and bruises of my past.

My bad, bad past.

I look at Adam and give him a faint smile.

Adam uses the pads of his thumbs to wipe the tears away from my face.

"Let me help you, Isabelle," he whispers. With all the confidence I have left, I give Adam one, strong nod.

"Okay," I whisper quietly. "I'll tell you about my life."

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