When the purpose is unknown, abuse is inevitable.–Myles Munroe

[1]

We all live in novels. People take things too seriously. We believe that failing once will result in us losing at life. We worry if the person we've had a crush on all this time will ever replicate our feelings. We ask ourselves why we're not pretty enough when it's not us that's ugly, but the people that make us feel that way.

Our world is woven with madness and distress, it's never calm.

I know this because I see a lot of things. My life isn't as perfect as it's been drawn out to be.

I'm not allowed to wear any short sleeved tops and any pants that expose my legs. I'm not allowed to have any friends. I have to cook and clean every day. No talking unless spoken to.

Why all this?

Because I have been abused for the past ten years of my life. Ever since my parents died.

Ugly. Smelly. Anorexic. An embarrassment.

The cold silver of the blade shines brightly in this very dim bathroom. The cold metal is pressing against the precious skin of my forearm. I shake in pain and clench my teeth together to stop myself from screaming.

They say I am a mistake.

My blood drips on the cold white tiles.

Red. The colour only has grown to show pain. I have not felt anything in a long time. I want to feel something.

Anything. No one understands.

Around me is silence. Another thing to hate.

Everything is slowly becoming blurry. The objects I have become very familiar with start to swirl before finally, I curl into a ball and close my eyes, tears streaming down my face.

Black. It always ends in black. Everything ends in black.

"Get the fuck out of there, Isabelle!" The handle shakes violently against the door.

Calm. Breathe. In and out.

My hand rises reluctantly up to the handle. Suddenly the banging stops. It is as if he knows I'm going to listen. I always do though. He is never wrong. The door opens revealing the towering figure on the other side.

I don't like saying their names.

He grabs hold of my upper arm and pulls me harshly. I wince in pain at the sudden contact. His face contorts into a sickly smile in a way that disgusts me, right down to the core. It stays like this for the rest of the beating.

A sharp slap across my cheek awakens me from my thoughts. I am nothing but a rag doll. My face is stone, emotionless because I no longer know how to smile.

He pushes me away harshly before walking off, but not before saying, "get ready for school."

I limp quietly back to my room. Waking the other monsters will only lead to more trouble.

Opening up my very empty wardrobe, I pull out my black hoodie. Warmth surrounds me as I sigh in contentment and walk over to the mirror. I hate looking at myself. I'm fucked up. Mentally and physically.

I open my eyes, my eyes connecting with themselves and I take in my appearance. My usual blue eyes are dull, hardly any sign of life in them. I no longer pray for this to stop. I lost all hope when David hit me. I had faith in him to end it all. But, Gary got to him too.

My best friend. Gone.

A dark bruise is now forming on my cheek from where Gary slapped me.

Another thing to cover.

Sighing, I pull my dark, brown hair over my shoulders to hide my face. I walk over to my dresser where my makeup is set out neatly. I gently prod with my face, covering up new and old bruises.

After approving myself, I walk out of my bedroom to the kitchen. I gently push through the French doors and step inside. David sits at the counter, smirking at me. I look down immediately and hustle myself around the cupboards, preparing breakfast for everyone as quick as possible.

I quietly curse in pain as I reach for the bread on the top shelf. After finally grabbing it, I finish preparing food and then serve it on the table. I quickly glance at David and my eyes connect with his. A shiver sends its way down my body as I walk out of the room.

I shake the look out my head and leave for school. I don't have any friends. When someone tries talking, I shut them off. It's simple. I am a social outcast. Or, in even better words - as the cool kids like to call it - a loser.

Thirty minutes later, I arrive at school. The halls are full of students. My eyes dart warily everywhere, anxious. I scrunch the ends of my jumper into my fists and head down the corridor towards my locker.

I am neither the smartest nor the dumbest student in the school. Opening up the grey locker, I fish around for my English book and then walk towards class.

I slightly relax knowing I am going to a place where I can escape. Escape from my life into my little universe. I push through the doors of my classroom and head to my seat in the far-right corner. I cover my face with my hoodie and sit silently waiting for the lesson to start.

The bell rings signalling class time. A massive swarm of students fly in through the classroom door and quickly rush to their seats. Ms White enters starts by telling us to summarise our class book. It's always the same thing, which is why I love this subject so much.

After only ten minutes of the lesson having begun, the classroom door smashes open. I look over at the culprit who has disrupted the one time I can relax.

Adam Black. Oh, how I would love to strangle that dead piece of...

"Adam, I suspect you have a good reason as to why you're ten minutes late to class, no?" Ms White's voice rings through my thoughts.

The whole class watches the bad boy as he strolls over to his seat - which just so happens to be next to mine - and shrugs.

"Sorry miss, something came up at home, and I didn't want to disappoint my mother," Adam softly replies with a smirk imprinted on that pretty face of his. Ms White nods her head with a small smile on her own.

"It's fine, Adam. Just don't let it happen again."

I roll my eyes and divert them elsewhere. He even has the teacher under his perfect charm. A teacher. The boy seriously has a gift; you have to give it to him.

The benefits of being hot, I guess. Something I so do not have.

The lesson finishes without another peep from the infamous bad boy. I glance sideways and notice Adams earphones plugged into his ears. How typical.

Everyone quickly stands up and begins gathering their books. Patiently, I wait as they leave before deciding to go myself. Just as I was exiting the classroom, Ms White calls my name.

"Isabelle, dear, I got a ring from the office before about your brother. They said he would like to see you. It's about your family." My body freeze's in fear, but Ms White doesn't seem to notice and continues talking.

"I hope everything's fine, but you really must go. I have my next lesson soon." I nod my head before muttering a small goodbye and run out the classroom.

I'm only looking where my feet are going - which is stupid on my part - and bump into something. I small gasp escapes my lips as my head throbs in pain.

I groan silently and pick myself up off the ground. I look up at the thing that I knocked into. My whole body freezes. It's not a thing, it's a person.

My eyes connect with Adams before I can look away.

Oh god. Here we go.

"Uh - sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going," I mumble quietly. Adam glares down at me.

"I can see that," he sneers before walking away. I stare blankly at the spot he was standing in, confused. That's before remembering I have to see David.

He probably needs to get some anger out, the only thing I am good for in life.

I drag myself towards the office where I know someone who haunts my sleep is waiting. My hand hovers over the office door, debating whether I should go in or not. If I don't, I will get into even more trouble at home. With a small sigh, I fling open the door and come face to face with David.

He smiles sweetly at me. A small frown etches itself onto my face as I try steadying my heartbeat.

"Thank you, Ms Verbena, I needed to talk to my sister," David says. I inwardly roll my eyes at him. Please, we both know there is not going to be any talk.

Mrs Verbena smiles kindly back at him.

"Oh, it's fine David, now hush and go talk to your sister before I get into trouble."

David takes hold of my wrist and walks out of the office. I close my eyes, stopping myself from hissing in pain and oblige to him. My palms sweat like crazy as he pulls me outside the school building. I know where we are going. He does this occasionally when he needs to get some anger out. Typically, it is because of a girl. Today though, it seems worse than just that.

Once we reach the back of the school, he pushes me into the wall. His face contorts into a look of somewhat anger and disgust. My head hits the brick as my body falls limp.

It looks like today will not be a long one for me.

He pulls me back up before slamming a fist back into my stomach. I double over in agony as I try gasping for air.

Fight back. I always want to, but the fight in me always vanishes just as quick as it comes.

"Fucking hell, Isabelle!" David's loud whisper screams in my ear.

"Don't go all weak on me now you little bitch, we're only just getting started."

David's fist connects with my face. Black spots dot my vision but I will against them. He will not stop until I beg. I will not let that happen.

Not again.

Fist after fist. Blood. Dots. So many dots. The world beneath me feels like it's slipping.

Fight, Isabelle.

The problem is, is that I cannot. There is nothing left in me. No fight, no nothing, just a dark pit of emptiness.

When I think David is going to end it - put me to sleep - it doesn't happen.

No, of course not. Why would he? It's not as if I deserve to be at peace.

"Get up you freak, I don't want your blood all over my white shirt! Now hurry up before someone suspects something," he hisses.

I numbly nodded my head before replying.

"Yes, David."

"Good, now meet me at the car in ten. I need to sign us out." With that said, David walks away.

I hiss in pain and clutch my sides as I roll over onto my stomach. Whenever he does this to me at school, it's never this bad.

Like, ever.

Gently, I pull myself up using the wall and drag my feet into the direction of the car. As I spot the parking lot, I attempt at making myself look somewhat decent. Mainly so the security cameras won't think something is up. It's always like this, pretending and lies.

I hate telling everyone lies. It's horrible.

When I finally get back to the car, I let myself go. I don't care if someone sees me. David will be at least another half hour since I know he is going to go back to his problem from before. Why can he get rid of all his problems but I cannot?

I sob quietly in my hands. It's not fair. None of this bloody nightmare is. I hate them, all three. They are the fucking cause of everything. To think I liked them before.

After ten minutes, I am finally able to get my cries to a calmer state. Every single bit of my body hurts. I want to go back home.

Finally, I feel it. The wave of fatigue that washes over me. It is refreshing and somewhat lovely. My body slumps back against my seat, my eyelids slowly close shut and then, everything slips away.

My breathing becomes slower, and I become heavier. Then it comes.

Sleep, at last.