Here I am, alone again

Can't get out of this hole I'm in

It's like the walls are closin' in

You can't help me, no one can

-Eminem

⚠️⚠️graphic content⚠️⚠️

The next morning, I woke up early to start my normal routine. While walking past the kitchen I heard the Beta and Gamma talking loudly to someone. I couldn't quiet make out who, so I snuck in a little closer. Watching through a small crack in the door, my heart sank, it was Mrs Ollie.

She looked as though she had been crying. Her face swollen, blood pooled around her mouth.

"TELL THE TRUTH, DID YOU HELP THAT DISGRACE, THAT MUTT" the Beta roared.

The Gamma held Mrs. Ollie's arms behind her back, while the Beta slapped her face, then again.

I couldn't stop the tears from coming, falling from my eyes like a heavy cloud that couldn't hold anything more.

I felt useless, as I was watching this poor sweet woman get punished because of me.

Why is my life like this.

Why does everything bad constantly happen. Just when I thought I might be ok, that I could find someone who would care about me. It gets taken away in an instant.

I should have known better than to let her help me.

Now she's going to suffer.

I can't help.

I am nothing.

In few seconds I took feeling sorry for myself, the Beta picks up a knife and slices her throat.

That was it, I screamed.

I couldn't contain it any longer. Everything that was building inside of me came out in that scream. Rage slowly trying to creep its way to the surface. A fury waiting to be unleashed on these two wolves. But, just as quickly as it tried to climb it's way out, realization that I'm a pathetic, weak wolf, shut down any possibility of revenge happening.

The Betas eyes snapped back to where the scream came from and connected with mine. Piercing blue eyes cut into my soul.

I couldn't move.

I couldn't breathe.

A smile crossed his face, as he started walking towards me.

"Enjoy the show you filthy mutt" he snickered. Grinning at the submissive stance I was currently in.

"This is your fault. This is what happens when anyone even thinks about helping your disgusting, repulsive, pathetic self" he spat. His face so close to me, I could feel his breath on my neck. His eyes darkened, his wolf trying to force itself out, to attack me at any second. I closed my eyes, waiting for the pain.

It's my fault.

I winced as he held onto my face, forcing me to look straight ahead. Tears pooling from my eyes as I watched the last bit of life leave Mrs Ollie. A small smile parted from her lips, mouthing "it's okay" to me as her sparkling eyes slowly closed, leaving no sign of life left in them.

Once he let my face go, I dropped to the ground. Unable to hold back the sobs, begging for this to be just a nightmare.

I hate myself.

"Don't ever think about doing something like this again, mutt" he whispered in my ear, slowly raising me up, only to slap my face and knock me down again.

"It will never end well for them, or for you" he laughed, leaving the room and leaving me alone with the empty shell that was once a kind woman.

Fuck, why am I cursed.

What did I do to deserve a life like this.

Trauma has a way with embedding into your mind, the memories playing in a loop, tormenting you for every moment you are awake. Forever attaching itself to the inner most parts of you and haunting the depths of your soul. Plaguing you for all eternity. Following you like a dark could that refuses to let a the tiniest speck of sunshine through.

Depression, sucking away any chance of hope you think you have. Reminding you, how worthless you really are. Tiny whispers in your ear, telling you how pathetic you are, how you will never leave the dark. There will never be light again.

Please, just let the pain stop.

Goddess, make the darkness go away.

I will never forget the image of Mrs Ollie dying, for as long as I live.

I am so sorry, Mrs Ollie, please forgive me