What the hell am I doin' here?

I don't belong here

-Radiohead

For years I've been subjected to the cruelty of the pack. Alpha Jeremiah made it law that I would be a pack slave, after my mother's untimely death.

Her ultimate betrayal was taking the precious life that our beloved Moon Goddess so graciously bestowed upon her. They didn't care that she was raped and tortured, or that her mate died trying to save her from the rouge wolf. All the say was a female wolf broke our sacred laws, that you are to never deny what the Moon Goddess has given you. Whether it be your mate, or your life. Each gift from Moon Goddess is a blessing that should be celebrated, never are you to take it for granted.

Her one moment of weakness, distraught from the darkness consuming her soul, meant a lifetime of pain for me. Not only does my heart long for her, every second in the torturous days I'm alive. I also have to deal with the consequences that followed every moment since she left me.

The Alpha is a cruel man who is raising an army of equally cruel wolves. They take pleasure in tormenting me. I can see it in their eyes, that darkness that consumes them. The endorphins releasing with each brutal punch to the face, or kick in the ribs. The sickness that has seeped into the deepest parts of their souls.

When I was old enough to walk, that's when they began their vicious routine of torture.

I got my first beating when I was 3. I can still remember the day vividly. For no reason in particular ,our packs Beta, kicked me while he was walking by.

I broke three ribs that day.

When I was 5, on the first day of school, a group of the Elite, which is the offspring of the ranked wolves, pushed me into a locker and broke my nose. Blood poured onto the ground and laughter echoed in the halls. "Know your place, mutt" were the words said to me as they walked away.

At 8, I suffered again at the hand of the Elite, this time they held me down and shaved all of my hair off.

"My what an ugly mutt you are" they tormented as I lay helpless on the floor. A crying sobbing mess, trying to gather the strands scattered across the bathroom floor. "Pathetic, you should just kill yourself mutt" one of them spat as they walked by.

I was 12 when Jessica McClain broke my arm. She told her father, the Beta, that I tried to take her lunch at school. They never even questioned it.

After that, I was beaten by the Beta himself for trying to take something from his daughter.

She smiled standing behind him while he punched me across my jaw. Several of my teeth fell out and I heard a crack before I passed out in the pack house. I awoke to cold wet rain falling on me, lying on the muddy ground. They tossed me outside like I was nothing, just left me here hoping that this time I would actually die. Unfortunately for me, I'm still alive.

Over the years, the beatings didn't even need a reason, they could be from me just looking at someone the wrong way.

The Alpha said I should be grateful he still allows me to attend school, which I suppose I am. Without an education I would never have a chance to leave this place. No one will take in a scrawny, uneducated wolf, it's not possible. If they ever found out I was planning to run, they'd lock me away in the dungeons and any chance I thought I'd have for freedom, would never come again.

Everything in my life has come at a cost, the clothes i wear to the food I'm privileged to eat, when they allow it, always has a cost. The cost may be a simple slap to the face or something more severe like a broken bone. The only thing I am grateful for, is my healing ability as a wolf. I would never be able to survive without that.

The floor I was meant to sleep on was damp and cold, as are most things in the basement of the pack house. An almost forgotten room, where the unwanted things go. Tucked in a small corner was a nest of used and discarded bed sheets. On that dirty pile is the only comfort I ever received.

When I was 15, One dark and lonely night I was sent to bed hungry, like most nights, as punishment for some mundane thing they try to justify.

Usually, I could make it several nights but I was already on day 4 without food a person can only suffer so long. I attempted to sneak into the kitchen, to find the tiniest piece of food. Maybe from the trash, or if I was really quiet. I could sneak something from the fridge.

Unbeknownst to me, I wasn't alone in that room. Dark, jet black eyes were watching every step I took.

"What do you think your doing, mutt" I heard the Alpha say.

Frozen in place. I couldn't move. Fear crept across my body, leaving me paralyzed.

"Oh, Alpha Jeremiah, I wa wa was going to th th the bathroom" I said.

The Alpha laughed, not that he was amused at my answer, but that he was about to enjoy the pain to be inflicted upon me momentarily.

As he stood up, I braced for impact. His foot met my head with such force, the last thing I saw before blacking out were the tiny grooves on the soles of his shoes.