❦Jason❦

My phone chimed signaling an incoming text message. It was from Cheryl telling me that Kate was on her way. Taking a deep breath to calm my nerves, I focused my gaze on the candles flickering in the soft night breeze.

Did every man feel this way before proposing? I was always such a confident man when it came to women but tonight I felt as jittery as a high school boy asking a girl out for prom. I was so nervous and felt like my heart was about to jump out my chest. I kept rehearsing how I was going to propose to her in my head.

If she said no, what was I going to do? Doubts gnawed away inside me. I needed her as much as I needed my next breath and somehow, I would have to convince her to give us a chance.

Suddenly slim arms wrapped around my waist from behind and I felt someone lean their head on my shoulder. I was startled as I hadn't heard Kate walk up to me.

"I was just about to go looking for you." I said with a chuckle.

She didn't say anything but pressed a kiss to my back as she moved her hand down my chest, over my abs and lower. Her intention was clear and an amused grin touched my face.

But then I froze as several things struck me at once. The woman wrapped around my back didn't feel like Kate, didn't smell like her and her touch sure as hell didn't make my body react like Kate's touch did.

With an oath, I grabbed the wandering hand and swung around so fast that I almost sent whoever it was flying back.

Shock and anger all went through me. "Delia? What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"Oh darling, your voice gets even sexier when you're angry." She purred with a seductive smile that was meant to entice but it only added fuel to my temper. "Do you know how much it turns me on?"

I wondered in disgust how I had ever found her attractive enough to fuck her.

She lifted a hand to touch me but I grabbed her wrist. "Leave before I make you regret ever coming out here."

"What are you going to do? Manhandle me?" She gave a throaty laugh. "You know how much I like it when you get rough with me."

My hand tightened on her wrist. If she had been a man I would have hit her right then. I was that angry. I had never raised my hand on a woman and I didn't intend to start. But she didn't know that.

"One more word and see what happens." I warned her, flinging her hand away.

The flirtatious smile on her face faded and her cheeks reddened. I didn't know if it was in anger or embarrassment and I didn't care. She opened her mouth but then thought better of it seeing the look on my face and started backing away.

I watched her disappear from my sight. I thought she understood that nothing ever was going to happen between us again but I was clearly wrong. She had succeeded in ruining my mood. I exhaled long and slow trying to drive out the anger I felt. I didn't want Kate to come and see me like that.

Glancing at my watch I realized that it had been ten minutes since Cheryl's text. What was taking Kate so long?

I pulled out my phone from my pocket and frowned when I saw a text message from Ben. It said that he was taking Kate home and didn't inform me before leaving because she asked him not to.

For a second, I was perplexed as to why she would just leave without telling me. Then my stomach churned with dread as the full implication of it finally hit me. Kate obviously came and saw me with Delia. That was the only reason why she would take off like that.

A string of curses escaped my lips. I knew how fragile Kate's trust in me was and with a sinking feeling realized that she would be thinking the worst of me now. I had to go and see her.

❦❦❦

I rang the doorbell, feeling a bit apprehensive, not knowing how Kate would react to seeing me. I heard footsteps from the other side and then silence. I knew she was there listening.

"Kate, open the door, baby, please." I said softly and just when I thought she was going to ignore me, the door flung open.

Several emotions flashed across her face swiftly followed by pain and hurt. She had changed out of the gown into a sweatshirt and shorts. Her face was scrubbed clean of makeup and her eyes were red and puffy. Seeing the wounded look her face, and knowing that I was the reason for it made me feel like an asshole.

She didn't stop me when I walked in and that was a relief. I didn't know what I would have done if she had refused to let me in.

Closing the door behind her she faced me.

I wanted to hold her and kiss away the pain I knew she was feeling. I reached for her but she stopped me by holding a hand and moving back from me as if being close to me caused her physical pain.

"No. Don't touch me." There was a slight tremor in her voice.

"Baby..."

"I saw you, Jason." She cut me off angrily. "I saw you with Delia."

"I know." I said wishing I could touch her but not wanting to upset her more. "I know you left because you saw me talking to her. Just let me explain what...."

"Talking?" She gave me a look of disbelief as she interrupted me again. "Do you take me for a fool? She was hugging you and you both seemed to be having a nice time of it. That's why I left."

Dammit, I cursed mentally. It was going to be more difficult than I had anticipated. Apparently she hadn't seen me push Delia away or what followed after that. "It's not what you think. I was waiting for you when Delia came up and hugged me from behind. I thought it was you. I mean..."

"That makes me feel so much better."

"Jesus, Kate. Will you just let me talk?" I raked a hand in my hair in frustration.

"I think you've said enough now." The anger on her face explained exactly what was going in her mind.

"You can't be seriously thinking that I'm cheating on you, are you?" I stared at her in disbelief. "I'll never lie to you, baby. Trust me, please."

"How can I trust you? I know what I saw." Sudden tears sprang in her eyes and she tried to blink them away.

I couldn't bear to see her hurting like that. When I reached for her hand she tried to jerk away but I didn't let her. Instead I crushed her to me, my arms going around her tightly. She tried to wriggle out of my arms but I held on.

"Let me go." The anguish in her voice broke my heart. I felt helpless not knowing what to do to ease her pain. She pushed at my chest but when I refused to loosen my hold, she gave up and just pressed her face against my shoulder.

A sob escaped her lips and it tore my insides apart to hear that. I held her trembling body as she cried silently in my arms. The dampness from her tears were soaking my shirt. It broke my heart to see her cry, especially since I was the one responsible for her tears.

"Shh, baby. I'm so sorry. Please don't cry." Rubbing my hands on her back, I kissed the top of her head. "It kills me to see you like this."

She sniffled and then I felt her stiffen. I didn't stop her when she pulled back from me quickly. She furiously wiped away her tear streaked face with her hand as if she was embarrassed to have lost control in front of me.

She lifted her gaze to me. "Please, leave now. I don't want to talk to you." Her voice was weak but there was a finality in her voice.

"I'm not going anywhere until you hear me out."

"I don't want to hear anything else you have to say."

My jaw tightened and I reminded myself not to lose my temper. She was being so stubborn. "You're going to listen to me anyway." Her eyes widened at my tone. I softened my voice and explained to her everything thing that happened, including the conversation between Delia and I. When I finished I reached out and took her hand.

She flinched away from my touch as if stung and I let my hand drop.

"If I were cheating on you, then why would I tell Cheryl to send you out in the garden and risk being caught? That doesn't make sense, does it? There's nothing going on between me and Delia. What will it take for you to believe me?"

She ran both hands through her hair and sucked in a deep, shaky breath. And then another.

When she finally looked at me, something in her gaze suggested that she wanted more than anything to believe me. The sudden relief I felt made me want to haul her into my arms but I resisted the urge. With my heart pounding, I waited her to say something.

Rubbing the back of her hand on her forehead, she took a deep breath again. "May be you're telling me the truth...but..." Her voice broke off.

"But what?" The look on her face made me suddenly wary. Why did I feel that I wasn't going to like what she was about to say?

"I just don't think I can do this anymore." It was a barely a whisper.

I went very still. "What do you mean?"

"I got into this relationship knowing you would break my heart in the end. I was under the misconception that I would be able to handle it when that day came. But tonight, I realized how wrong I have been. I'm not as strong as I thought. You have no idea how much it hurt to see you with Delia. I never thought it was possible to feel so much pain. And I can't let myself lay open for that kind of pain again." She paused to gulp in some air. "I just can't."

I stared at her in stunned disbelief. Her words were like a knife in my gut. It hurt like hell to know that she had absolutely zero faith in me. "Baby, we've already talked about this before. I'm not going to break your heart. I'll never hurt you like that." My voice was laced with desperation as I closed the distance between us in one stride and took her arm.

"I'm afraid you will, either intentionally or unintentionally. Just like you did tonight."

The fear of losing her made panic bubble inside me followed by fury. "So let me get this straight. You're breaking up with me just because Delia won't stop bothering me?"

"It's not only Delia. There are going to be others."

"Others? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Wherever you go, you're surrounded by beautiful women. They throw themselves at you. I can't compete with that."

The broken look on her face made my anger evaporate as fast as it had developed. Letting go off her arm, I gently framed her face with both my hands. "There's no competition, baby. I don't want anyone else."

Her breath hitched as one of my hands drifted down to wrap about her neck lightly, my thumb caressing the wildly beating pulse at the base of her throat. Her lips were so tantalizingly close that I ached to kiss her. But I resisted. Now was not the time. First I had to convince her that we both belonged together.

She swallowed hard, her eyes darting from my mouth to eyes. "It's just lust. It will pass."

"What I feel for you is not just lust. Don't you get it, baby? I love you. I'm so in love with you. How can I even think of any other woman when my heart belongs to you?"

She gaped at me, her face going pale with shock, as though she couldn't believe her ears.

It felt so good to finally tell her how I felt. But when she continued stare at me, fear clawed inside my mind. "Say something, please."

She whispered as if in a daze. "You're confusing lust with love."

"I am not. It's always been you. Always. It just took me a long time to realize it."

She pulled away from me and hugged herself. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears. "Don't. Please." She pleaded, her voice trembling. "Don't say things you don't mean. You can't be in love with me."

"That's not fair. You don't get to say how I feel." I gently lifted her chin with my index finger, forcing her to meet my gaze. "I love you. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I've never been so sure of anything else in my life."

She looked stunned and even hopeful but then she started shaking her head, as if she was scared to believe me.

"I'm not arrogant enough to believe that my love is reciprocated but I know that you have feelings for me too. So what are you afraid of? Why are you so hell bent on not believing me?"

She breathed in shakily. "Because I'm afraid that one day you'll look at me and realize that you don't want me anymore. You're not the commitment type. How can I be sure you won't leave me when the excitement wears off? Like I said, you're surrounded by beautiful women. You will eventually get bored of me and leave me for one of them."

She impatiently brushed away the lone tear that spilled on her cheek. "I don't want to expect anything from you. When those expectations come crashing down, and I know it will, I won't be able to take it. I can't take a chance I'm not sure about."

I felt as if a fist was slammed into my chest. I was losing her just like I did six years ago. I had never felt so helpless, desperate or vulnerable in my life. Ever. "You took a chance a month ago when you agreed to this relationship. You can't change your mind now. You can't do that to me."

"You don't understand."

"How can I when what you're saying doesn't make sense at all?" My voice rose as I failed to keep my temper in check. "You say that I'm not the commitment type. But it's not me here who is running away. You are. I'm standing here and damn near begging you to give us a chance but you don't even want to try."

"It will never work out." Her voice broke. "A relationship needs to have trust in it. And I can't trust you."

"You can't or you won't?"

Instead of replying she just stared at me with those wounded eyes. She was the one breaking it off and yet her expression suggested that I was the one hurting her.

Swearing, I raked a hand through my hair. "So that's it? You're going to walk away from me? You're willing to throw away all we could have together just because you're afraid?" My heart twisted painfully. It felt as if it was being physically yanked from my chest. "I never took you for a coward."

"I'm just protecting my heart." She whispered. "Protecting myself."

My throat burned in an unfamiliar way. "Don't do this, baby. Please. You're breaking my heart here."

Her lower lip trembled as she looked away. "You should go."

The finality in her voice filled me with so much pain I thought I would break. I realized there was nothing I could say that would change her mind.

It was over.

The seconds ticked by slowly and I stared at the only woman I had ever loved. She was hugging herself and looking down. I could see her body was trembling slightly as if she was suffering the same way I was but that wasn't possible.

There was so much to say but none of it mattered. She didn't want me. And that was more than I could handle.

My chest constricted as I slowly started backing out of the room. If I stayed for a second longer I would end up begging her on my knees to give me a chance. I wouldn't do that anymore. Without a glance at her I walked out of the room.

I had borrowed Nathan's Porsche for the drive over and as soon as I got in the car, my control snapped. My fisted hand landed on the dashboard in a blow that sent pain shooting up my arm but that did nothing to diminish the blinding pain in my chest. Lowering my head, I rested it again the steering wheel. I had never felt such deep emotional pain and it was unbearable. I had lowered myself in front of her and she had rejected me so cruelly and broken my heart.

Pulling out the small velvet box in my pocket, I opened it. The engagement ring was one of the most expensive in the world but right now it felt worthless to me.

It took a moment for me to realize that my cheeks were wet. Disgusted with myself, I chucked the ring across the car. It landed with a soft thud somewhere on the floor of the car.

What had she done to me? I had never cried over a woman. Hell, I couldn't even think of the last time I cried. I wanted to hate Kate for breaking me, making me weak.

I was pissed, hurt and crushed from inside but I loved her too fucking much to ever hate her. But she had made it very clear that she didn't love me and I was done begging.