❦Kate❦

"Well honey, what is it?" Peter checked his watch and sighed impatiently. "You know I have some work to finish before my flight tomorrow."

I wiped my damp palms on the napkin and took a deep breath, thinking how I could tell him what I had done.

"I...I don't know how to start." I finally said, wishing I had told him over the phone instead of waiting till he came.

"Did something happen?" Peter looked worried now and I had his full attention.

"I did something terrible."

"Don't tell me you went shopping again." There was a disappointed look on his face. We were saving for the wedding and the last time I was in the mall I had spent an outrageous amount on two pair of shoes. Peter was not happy.

"No, nothing like that."

"Good. You have no idea how much the catering costs these days. I think we should elope instead of spending a bunch on feeding all the wedding guests."

"Honey, I..."

He cut me off with a grin. "I know, I know. You want a big wedding. Don't worry, eloping is out of the question. My mother would have a heart attack. She has been dreaming to see me get married and if..."

"I cheated on you." I blurted out.

Peter stared at me in shock and his face went stark white. "What...what are you talking about?"

Oh God, it was harder than I had thought. There was a lump in my throat and my eyes filled with tears of guilt and shame. I had to do this. He deserved to know everything. I started at the beginning from where I had the drunk kiss with Jason to the incident in his office two days ago.

There was silence when I finished. Peter was staring at me with so much hurt and pain in his eyes and my heart broke at what I was making him go through. His face was flushed with anger. "Why?" He asked finally.

I wiped the tears on my face with the back of my hand. Why? Why did I do that to him? I didn't have any answer to that. "I'm so sorry."

He got up suddenly, sending his chair flying back. Without saying anything he walked and I heard the front door slam shut behind him.

He didn't return by nightfall and I was worried. He didn't answer his phone and I left messages asking him if he was all right and begging him to come home to talk. I was going crazy by the time it was 11 in the evening. I needed to talk to someone and contemplated on calling Hal. He was visiting his parents in Texas and then I gave up on the idea. He would come straight back to LA if I told him and I didn't want to ruin the last few days of his vacation.

I tried Peter's cell again and this time he cut it off at on the third ring. At least now I knew he was all right. My head ached and downing an Advil with a glass of water I went to bed. Burying my face in the pillow I let the tears flow. I didn't know when I fell asleep but I was woken up much later by a sound in the bedroom.

"Peter?" I sat up groggily in bed and blinked in the darkness of the room. I turned on the bedside lamp and yelped when I saw him sitting next to me on the bed. His eyes were red and his hair was sticking out.

"Are you drunk?" I asked as the smell of cheap alcohol hit my face.

"Why?"

"You smell like..." I trailed off on a cry as he grabbed my arms in a death grip.

"Why did you do this to me?" He snarled, his fingers were biting into my flesh.

I winced trying to break free. "You're hurting me."

"I gave you everything." He continued not hearing me. " I never did anything to hurt you."

"I'm sorry for..."

He cut me off again. "Do you love me?" He let go off my arms and his hand wrapped around my hair.

"Y...Yes." I gasped out as the grip on my hair tightened. A trickle of fear went down my spine and my eyes watered with pain.

With a violent oath, he shoved me back hard against the headboard.

He plunged at me and kissed me hard. He tasted of alcohol and cigarettes and I gagged but he didn't notice. His hands were punishing and violent as he cupped my breasts. I was frozen with shock and fear.

When he forcefully nudged my thighs apart and reached between my legs, I realized in panic what he intended to do.

"No. Stop." I tried to push him away but he didn't budge. "Please. Stop." I cried out as he shoved his fingers under the satin shorts I wore.

"You're my fiancée. I can touch you whenever I want." He slurred angrily. "Or is it that bastard Perez who can only touch you?"

He let go of my hand to tug my shorts down but I took that opportunity to push him away with all the strength I could muster. He staggered back, almost falling backwards on the bed. He was breathing hard, the anger on his face visible even in the dim light. For a moment, I was scared he would reach for me again. But he got up and stormed out of the bedroom.

I remained frozen in bed, too shocked by his actions. Fear left a metallic taste in my mouth. I felt sick to my stomach. He had never acted that way before. Never been physically abusive. In fact, even in bed, he was never rough, always preferring to be slow and gentle with me.

I realized I had driven him to his breaking point. I had done this to him. I wanted to go out and check on him, since he was drunk, but I didn't want to face him after what happened. Hopefully, he would sober up by morning and we could talk.

Next morning, I walked into the kitchen to find him sitting at the counter. A coffee mug was in front of him.

He looked up when I walked in. "Can we talk?"

I nodded nervously. What was he going to say?

"I'm sorry about last night. I was not myself." He couldn't meet my eyes. "I had too much to drink. And all I could think of was his hands on you. I just lost my head there for a while." He finally looked at me and I saw the shame and remorse on his face.

I nodded unable to speak. Silence stretched between us.

Finally, after what felt like minutes, he spoke. "Do you like him?"

"No."

Silence fell again. He raked a hand through his curly blonde hair. "Then why did you do it?"

I swallowed hard. "It just...happened."

"Is it going to happen again?"

I shook my head vehemently. "No."

Again, there was deafening silence. He took his time talking. "I need time to trust you again."

It was the last thing I expected him to say and I stared at him. "You're not going to walk away?"

His face flushed with anger. "Is that what you want?"

"No, absolutely not."

"You could have lied to me and kept me in the dark but you chose to be honest with me. This is why I'm going to try. But if we are going to move past this you're going to have to prove it to me that I can trust you again."

"I'll do anything." It was true, I would do anything he asked to save our relationship.

"Okay." He was silent for a few seconds. "Did you sign the contract?"

"No. And I'm not going to."

"What about your career?"

"It isn't as important to me as this." I said slowly. "I made a huge mistake and I'm ready to do what it takes to make things work between us."

He sighed, pain flashing in his eyes. "You hurt me, Kate. You broke my heart and I don't know if I could ever get over it." When I tried to talk, he held up a hand. "But I love you, despite what you have done, and I don't want your career to be ruined."

"What...what do you mean?"

"I want you to accept the project."

"What?" I asked incredulously. "I don't think it's a good idea."

"Why, because you are sure you won't be able stay away from him?"

"No." I said quickly.

"Then prove it to me. If you don't feel anything for him then you wouldn't have any problems working for him."

I stared at him, dumbfounded. What he was asking of me didn't make sense.

"I'm trying here, Kate. Give me something so that I could start trusting you again." He looked so torn and helpless that I bowed my head down in shame. Peter was still being so nice to me, and trying to work it out between us and here I was being selfish again. But what he was asking was impossible. I didn't want to see Jason again. I wanted to be as far away from him as possible.

"If I accept it then I have to spend quite some time alone with him. Even fly out to Bali together." I wanted Peter to change his mind. He frowned thinking and there was pain on his face as he closed his eyes briefly. When he opened them again there was anger reflected in them.

"I know that. Do you think it's easy for me? It breaks my heart to know that you wanted another man. I can't go on everyday wondering if you still think of him or if you would do it again if you got the chance."

"I did a mistake, Peter. An unforgivable one. I'm not going to repeat it again. Please believe me." I begged wishing I could take all his pain away and at the same time hating myself for being unfaithful.

"How can I believe that? I thought of you as the one person who would never hurt me like this." His voice broke and he pressed his knuckles to eyes. "But I would never hurt you. I don't want to ruin your career. I don't want to take it from you. " He rubbed a hand on his face.

The tears in my eyes spilled over. I hurt him and he was still thinking about me and my future. I didn't deserve a man like him.

I went to him and put my arms around him. He flinched at the touch and my heart broke into a million pieces knowing what was going through his mind.

He pulled away from me. "I can't. When you touch me all I can think about is your hands on him."

I bit my lips hard to stifle the sob that escaped me. What have I done?

"I'm flying back to Chicago in an hour." He got up. "Call.....Jason." He said Jason's name with so much difficulty I knew how hard it was for him to say it. "Tell him you want the project."

"Will you call me?" My voice was shaky and I held on to the back of a chair for support.

"I need time."

There was no good-bye kiss or one of his bone crushing hugs. He simply nodded and walked out of the kitchen leaving me standing there. I let the tears flow freely.

I had ruined everything. He was giving me a second chance, which was a miracle, because I sure as hell didn't deserve one. He loved me so much he was willing to allow me to work for Jason. I still couldn't believe it. I didn't want to take the project but it was the only way I could gain Peter's trust. I would prove it to him that I could work for Jason and not repeat the mistakes I did.