I was in Carly's bedroom pacing holes in the hardwood floors. She was still in the bathroom, taking her sweet time. After the large coke she drank on our way home and the two glasses of water, you'd think it'd be quick and easy to pee on a stick. I paced the length of the room again and stopped in front of her dresser, staring at my reflection in her vanity mirror.

I really looked like shit.

I ran my fingers through my hair and down my neck, trying to wrap my head around all of this. If the tests came out positive, then in less than nine months I was going to be a father: late night feedings, crying, a whole shit ton of diapers... not to mention all of the other expenses. I didn't have that much cash lying around.

Fuck, I didn't know how to change a goddamn diaper.

Absently I started to fiddle around with the things on Carly's dresser. I opened her jewellery box and peered inside. There were earrings, necklaces, rings, bracelets, a couple headbands and a few stray hair elastics: the usual stuff I suppose you'd find in a woman's jewellery box. My fingers wrapped around something metallic, cool against my fingers. I took out the dog tags and smiled.

"Shit," I whispered. I couldn't believe she'd kept them.

I put back the dog tags and closed the jewellery box, feeling a little guilty for snooping. I returned to her bed, sat down for a moment and then stood right back up, stepping out of the room and crossing the hall.

"Did you do it?" I asked, knocking twice on the bathroom door.

She didn't reply.

"Babe, you okay?" I called out, knocking again. I hesitated for a moment, my hand on the doorknob. "Can I come in?" I asked her tentatively.

"Yeah," she said faintly.

She was sitting on the bathroom counter with her hands in her lap and her eyes fixed straight in front of her. The two digital pregnancy tests were balancing on the edge of the bathtub. There was an hourglass symbol on both the little screens.

"Just a minute now," Carly whispered.

I leaned against the counter next to her and took her hand in mine, staring at our intertwined fingers. I started thinking about those diapers again, the feedings, all of those sleepless nights...

"How many kids do you want?" I asked.

"What?" Carly giggled nervously.

"Kids... how many of them do you imagine yourself havin'?" I repeated.

"Oh, well uh... I don't know... I always knew I wanted at least two, so that they'd always have someone to play with," she answered timidly.

"Boy or girl?" I asked.

"I'll be cliché and say girl... just because havin' to deal with two of you...? I'll lose my mind," she answered, a smile slowly forming on her lips.

I smiled too: suddenly it wasn't just diapers and bottles and late nights anymore. A little human being was materializing, all wrapped in pink with her mama's eyes. I imagined her growing up with the horses, learning how to ride before she could even walk. Then I imagined a boy, running around, climbing anything and everything he could get his hands on, teaching him how to toss a football around...

Yeah, I thought, the smile on my face widening slightly. Carly was right, if it did turn out to be a boy and he was anything like me... we were done for.

We were silent for a while, my eyes straying back to those damned pregnancy tests. I picked up the empty box next to Carly and turned it around, reading over the instructions for something to do.

"How about you: boy or girl?" Carly's voice broke through my jumbled thoughts.

"Healthy," I said.

There was more silence, but it wasn't a drawn out one. Three minutes wasn't a long time, at least not by normal standards. When you're waiting to see if your life is about to change forever, those three minutes feel like an eternity.

"We should look at it now," Carly said, but she didn't move.

"Yeah," I replied.

"I did the peeing part, you check it," she whispered.

I hesitated for a moment before picking the pregnancy tests off the edge of the bathtub. My heart was hammering so hard against my ribcage. The day I thought I was going to die out in the Afghan desert, I was terrified. This was a whole new kind of fear, just as strong and just as raw.

I lowered my gaze and let out a shaky breath. They both read the same thing: pregnant.

"You're pregnant?! Are you serious?!" Maisy exclaimed when I told her the news.

"Not so loud!" I hissed, glancing around the crowded coffee shop.

"When did you find out?" Maisy asked, this time around using her inside voice. She leaned forward, propping her elbows on the table. "Did you already know when I told you?" she added.

"No, I would've told you then if I knew! I...um, I figured it out right after," I said dumbly. "John and I went and bought a couple tests yesterday... and they were both positive," I explained.

"You told John?" Maisy asked.

"Of course I told him, he's the dad," I huffed.

"Oh my God, how did he take it? How are you taking it?" Maisy wondered, wrapping her hands around mine in the middle of the table.

"I'm in denial, I'm scared... I... don't know..." I admitted.

"That's totally reasonable," Maisy nodded.

"John is just... John. He's not bein' very vocal about it. He's bein' really good though, tryin' to make it easier on me and all that... but the thing is, I'd feel better if he told me how he's feelin' instead of just bottlin' it all up... He's scared, I know he is... this wasn't planned... We've only been datin' for four months," I added.

Once I started to speak, the words simply wouldn't stop.

"I'm crazy about him but..." I trailed off, trying to figure out what I wanted to say. "It's hard when people whisper about you wherever you go. People are sayin' really awful things about us... him especially... that he... forced me into sleepin' with him... I don't want my baby to start hearin' stuff like that, especially when it's all complete bullshit!"

"Wait, who the fuck's been talkin' about you?" Maisy hissed angrily, looking to the table next to us, as if the cute teenage couple sitting there were responsible for the accusations and the gossip.

"Just... people," I shrugged.

"Well that's just a load of bull!" Maisy huffed.

"Do you think he's too old for me?" I asked.

"No, I don't think he's too old. He's what? Thirty?" Maisy said incredulously.

"Thirty-one," I answered.

"It's eleven years, big deal..." Maisy said seriously.

"I know, but–" I began, but she was quick to cut me off.

"I mean, if he was forty-eight with a wife and two teenage kids at home, then yeah, I'd see the big deal... but he's hot, he's funny, he's really nice and he cares about you... Really hon, it doesn't matter what anybody in this damn town thinks. I've seen you two together... I've seen the way he looks at you, and the way you look at him... It's the same way Darryl and I look at each other... Sweetie, you and John, you've got somethin' there. Gossip is gossip, it doesn't matter."

I took a deep breath.

"Trust me, I'm twenty-one, I have no college degree, I'm a waitress in a tavern and I'm pregnant with my Black husband's kid... we've heard it all before too," she sighed.

"I love you Maisy, you know that right?" I smiled.

"I know you do boo... I love you too," Maisy grinned.

"It's still scary though," I said.

"I know... and it might seem like everythin' is happenin' too fast... Girl, I'm feelin' that way too," Maisy smiled reassuringly. "But think of it this way... you're gonna be a mom Carly, to a beautiful baby, and you're goin' to be fuckin' great. This kid, he or she, they're gonna be the best thing you've ever done, and they're gonna be fuckin' gorgeous with John's DNA..." she paused for a moment, smiling teasingly. "...and I guess yours too," she shrugged.

I started to cry.

"I want this baby, I really do," I sobbed.