“Staring at the bottom of your glass

Hoping one day you'll make

a dream last

But dreams come slow and

they go so fast

You see her when you close your eyes

Maybe one day you'll understand why

Everything you touch surely dies

'Cause you only need the light

when it's burning low

Only miss the sun

when it starts to snow

Only know you love her

when you let her go.”

--

"Things are going to be tough for you, Livy. As soon as we get back there's tomorrow, you'll have to face all of the pack members and you know how they are- they are going to talk about you, gossip and they won't care if you hear it." Ryder said with a severe expression on his face as we sat outside the tent on the green grass of the forest.

"I really don't care about them, anymore. Or, anyone for that matter." I said. "You know after all that I've been through, if there's one thing that I've learnt, then it is that when hard times come, you are all that you have. Everyone ceases to help you, your parents, your friends, your partner. Everyone. Regardless of whether they wanted to help or not. You are only one who can drag yourself up from the dark abyss into bright light. Someone can lend a hand but we have to reach out ourselves.

I don't really care about what others think because I know how I feel. I know that I've been strong and that I've lived through one of the toughest parts of my life. I don't need or seek anyone's validation to tell me how strong I am. Because to me, all that matters is that I've become stronger. Much more than before."

Ryder smiled at me. "You've matured so much, Livy. I'm so proud to see this."

Giving him a tight smile, I nodded and stared ahead at the horizon from where I could see the setting sun. It was a beautiful sight. The sky changed colours from blue to purple and vibrant orange, mesmerizing my senses.

We sat in silence for long. No exchange of words. It felt good. I felt a little bit at peace. But that was only till he said the next words.

"I think I should be going now, Livy. Someone's been wanting to talk to you for long." He said softly, beckoning behind us and I turned to see Chance standing awkwardly with his hands in his pockets and a nervous expression on his face.

Ryder started to stand up to leave and I almost stopped him. I didn't want him to leave, not because I was wondering enjoying his presence very much, but because I was afraid to be with chance alone.

Seeing Chance almost always reminded me of the times I've been my weakest. Of the times when I had let my heart take over my brain, and the times I had let myself feel too many emotions.

I had spent nights overthinking about us and what we had and now those times felt like nothing but a waste of time, thought and energy.

I could have done so much better. And I can do so much better.

And in all honesty, I didn't feel like I needed anyone in my life anymore. Well except for my parents of course.

I had learned to appreciate solitude, where you could work for yourself, please yourself, making yourself happy and not have to think about pleasing anybody.

And as selfish as that might sound, I am just done with dealing with people.

So when Ryder stood up and walked away, I wanted to walk away too. Certainly because I wasn't ready to confront this person I had once loved with all my heart.

My eyes landed on Chance once more and I gave him the best glare that I could muster, hoping he would leave but he didn't. Instead he came and sat beside me with a determined look.

Oh how I wish he had this determination before when I had literally begged for his love.

But now this determination was more like an unnecessary stubbornness for me.

I didn't speak. I didn't want to be the one to start the conversation.

"So," he began. And I noticed that it is a sort of habit that he had. Whenever he's nervous, he starts a conversation with 'so'.

I still didn't say anything, and looked ahead. It was almost dark by now. But I could still see his face and I didn't want to see it.

"I just don't know what to say." He said, awkwardly and rubbed his palms together.

By now, I snapped.

"Maybe an apology would be good." I said in a dry tone.

I don't even know why I said that. Maybe I just wanted to know that he's guilty.

Or maybe because I just want to put all the blame on him.

Even though it's wrong and I shouldn't do that. But it was just easier to believe that he's responsible for everything. All the hurt and the pain that I've been through, it was easy believing that it was all because of him.

"I didn't say sorry because I didn't deserve an apology," he said softly, his eyes downcast. "And also because I know that you'll brush it off."

I scoffed and looked down at my hands that were clasped together.

Why am I behaving like this? So bitter. Hadn't I promised myself to show no emotion?

Hate shows that you cared once, and I didn't want to do that.

"It's not hard to think that after past experiences." I said. "And it's refreshing to know that you finally realised that you don't deserve an apology."

He looked at me with hurt in his eyes and I would have fallen for that look had I not known better. He's not hurt. You need a heart to get hurt.

"I deserve it." He murmured. "I deserve to be treated this way."

Sometime passed by and I was getting sick of the awkwardness so I just said, "Why are you even here? What did you want to talk about?"

I tried not to sound irritated and I guess that didn't work because he cringed at my tone and sighed.

"I just...I thought that maybe we'd be able to talk things out." He said. "You know, maybe like talk about the differences and then I could help you get over the hurt and we can start over—"

Before he could finish his sentence, I started laughing bitterly, as if his bullshit amused the hell out of me.

I laughed like someone told me the joke of the year, while he looked at me with a bewildered expression.

"Aw man, that was real good. Do you have more of those?" I chuckled, wiping a fake tear from my eye.

His face fell at my words and he looked out of words, as if he had expected me to be so dry.

He composed himself soon enough and said, "That probably came out wrong. All I wanted to say was that maybe I can help you through the pain. Maybe I can heal you. We're mates, Olivia. I think—"

"What, huh? What did you think? That you'll come here, spew some bullshit out of your mouth and then get away with that? Or did you think that I'll once again, like always, fall for your lies and sweet words and fall back into your arms?"

My voice was raised high by now and I stood up in annoyance. I had had enough of his bullshit. I tried giving him hints but he does just understand that I don't want to talk to him.

So now my wrath shall my unleashed.

He shook his head, standing up too. "No that's not what I meant, I thought that maybe we could support each other and be with each other.”

I scoffed at his words,"Be with each other, you say. Last time I checked you actually didn't want me. All you had wanted was a one night stand with mate so that you could experience it and that leave her. Also, did you forget about the time you actually physically hurt me just before I was kidnapped? You might have forgotten about that Chance, but I can't. And I won't. Not now, not ever. I have to learn from my mistakes and not repeat them.”

With those words said, I started to walk away but he grabbed my hand and stopped me. What genuinely surprised me was the fact that I still felt those sparks. I could still feel that he is my mate.

Which meant only one thing. And that's that my Aurora is in fact not completely dead. Perhaps she's too hurt and she's taking her time to heal.

But she's not dead. She's alive, somewhere inside me. And I can still get her back. I haven't lost her.

The thought was enough to bring a tiny smile on my face and my heart fluttered with hope.

But Chance probably thought that the smile was because of him holding my hand because his next words came out pretty confident and quick.

“Don’t you see Olivia, we make each other happy.” He said, turning me towards him and taking my other hand in his hand too. “That's what mates are. And I know that I didn't realise it before and it is completely my mistake, but I can't see you suffer anymore. I also know that you probably don't even want to see my face, but I can't make myself sit around while you're hurting. I fucked up, Oli. Big time. I destroyed the most precious thing Goddess had given me and I'm so so sorry,” he whispered as he brought my hands slightly up and clasped them between his’ as if making a promise.

“I'll spend my entire life apologizing if I have to, even if you refuse to forgive me. I don't deserve another opportunity, but you do. You don't deserve to suffer the way you are suffering and I just want to help you get through the pain. I might not know all you've been through, Oli. But I know enough to know that you've been so strong. You've endured so much, you have refused to give up and you've build yourself up into something so marvellous.”

He paused for a second, to look up in my eyes. “But I just want to say that you don't have to be so strong. You don't have to pretend like it's not killing you to know that you've lost your friend. You don't have to gulp down the tears and hold back on the mourning. You don't have to breathe deep and act like you don't want to scream at them. You don't have to be so strong.

“You don't have to hide the carefree, beautiful, goofy girl who has been shoved aside by this tough personality of yours. I want to help you get your old self back. I want to help you get the old Olivia back who you to laugh without thinking and smile all the time. The same Olivia who won't have been shy to hit me on my chest and hit me till she'd have had her revenge. The same Olivia who won't have hesitated to tell me that I was a bastard and won't have held back at her hate or love. The Olivia who loved and hated with so much passion, that it drove me crazy everytime. The same Olivia who taught me how to live, who taught me that I could be happy too. And that I didn't have to mourn over the loss all the time when there was so much more to look up to for the future.

We need to get that Olivia back.” He whispered, “I really miss her.”

“Strength comes at a cost I never knew I was capable of paying.” I said, finally after a long pause.

He looked up at me, while I looked at the woods and continued.

“You know when there for weeks,” I said referring to the place where I had been held hostage. “I was locked in a smelly room. That room stenched to the extent where it was hard to sleep at night. I have fought dark alone in those nights. Sometimes I could hear screams of other prisons being tortured and abused. Those voices scared me. I have hugged myself to comfort at those times. There were days when the he beat me up to the extent where my wolf couldn't heal fast, I have held my wounds overnight and seen my blood stain the floor alone. Once he chained me to silver and it numbed my senses to the extent where I couldn't feel anything. I have reminded myself of what I am alone. I had no one to help me, Chance. Patricia was the only one who understood, but she had her own troubles because of which she couldn't help me. I have been abused and overpowered till where it shattered me. I had to pick my pieces back up and make myself a whole alone. I have woken up in tattered clothes which zero will to live. I have found a part of me wanting to survive in those times too.

All I want to say is that, Chance, me trying to control my emotions is not me suppressing them. I have just learned the hard way that I have to deal with my emotions on my own and that I don't have to display the world that I'm sad, or happy or mad at someone. I don't need anyone's shoulders to cry on, or anyone's arms to comfort me because I can do it myself.”

Chance’s eyes held awe, and surprise at my words and he didn't say anything for a while as if absorbing my words.

“That's alright.” He said. “You can be like that. However you want it. If you feel like that's what makes you feel better. But that doesn't mean that you have to lose your smile, Oli. You don't have to be so guarded all the time. I know that it is hard to forget what has happened and—”

He paused and looked down for a moment as if he just didn't know what to say anymore. And when he looked up his eyes were glassy.

“—I-I.. I know what happened, I felt it.” He said, shocking me. “What he did to you, I felt it.”

My mouth hung open in surprise and I guess that was because I hadn't expected him to feel it. After I was injected with wolfsbane, I thought that Aurora left immediately. But apparently not. Because he felt it.

I didn't know how to react. I wasn't very happy to find this out. Simply because now he might show pity towards me, and I didn't really want that.

“It kills me to know that you had to go through that alone.” He said, his eyes shining with unshed tears. “I wish I was there, I would have beaten him to pulp and never let him touch you. It hurts me soul to know that you're so scarred now, and the walls you've built around yourself are too hard to break down..

Just don't let that bastard change you. You have become stronger and that's great. But don't let it charge you your happiness and peace. You have every right to be happy again. Don't let your demons steal them from you. Me, Ryder, Katherine, and ever her father, we are all here for you. And if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, we're there. Just please let us save you, Olivia.”

“What if I say that that I'm too far gone to save now?” I said, smiling sadly at him, my own eyes a little moist with unshed tears.

His words were exactly what a girl wishes and prays to hear from her mate one day. I had been that girl too in the past. But now, I was way past those things.

Yes, he's right. No one is worth you losing yourself for. And yet I have decided to not let my demons go just yet. I need to hold onto them till I teach Reece Miller a lesson. Till I teach every single person a lesson who feel like it is okay to play with other person's life.

I might sacrifice my peace and happiness by doing so. But if that can give someone else peace, then I am happy to make that sacrifice.

So when Chance opened his mouth once again to say something, I stopped him and shook my head.

“Don't say anything now,” I said softly. “It's midnight already, just go to sleep. We leave for the pack house tomorrow. If anything, wish me luck. Because from tomorrow, I have to prepare for a new war.”

With those parting words, I stepped away from them and pulled my fingers away from his. Last traces of contact were lost as I walked away with unshed tears and unexpressed feelings in my heart.

I was happy that he was a better person now. I am hoping so at least. I hope that he finds himself someone who's okay enough to take care of him without a tonne of baggage on her shoulder. I hope he finds someone who doesn't look over her shoulder every second because she's paranoid. I hope he loves her right and doesn't fuck up this time.

It's funny have I would have died to hear him say those words to me a few weeks ago. But now those words held little meaning. Did they touch my heart? Of course.

But now I've started making decisions with my brain.

Maybe it was the mistrust in my heart that made me walk away, or maybe I had some more important matters to look after.

But I knew that I had done something right, as I looked up at the starry sky and smiled.

---

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