"Yeah I could love you

Go get a job and start to save

Stay at my mum's house

Look out the window at the rain

Or I could ignore it, but I'd just be fuckin' with your brain

I only got one shot, yeah, I got dreams and my suitcase."

Sometimes I wonder if people even care.

Walking through the school hallways, I noticed how people looked at me, observed and evaluated each step I took. Criticized me behind my back, and when I was looking, made a way for me. You feel like everyone is supporting you, but actually they are waiting for your downfall. They are with you till you are the top, once you fall, they go away too.

I kept my gaze straight, didn't let them stray because of whispers and chuckles.

Because now I know that they certainly don't care. And you shouldn't either. People around you are like the nature, the environment on a plant. They sure do influence you, and you might never flower if they aren't kind to you, but in the end spring has to come and sooner or later, you'll bloom. Survive the fall, that's all you have to do.

"No I don't want to understand anything. You have to bring us the birth certificate, that's it." I dead-panned, massaging my temple, trying to ease the headache talking to this couple caused me.

A new couple had joined our pack as refugees from Southern California, and the problem is that they recently had a child, for whom the birth certificate hasn't been submitted yet.

"What do you mean by you lost it? How can you lose your child's birth certificate?"

They argued for a bit more, annoying me to no extent.

"Listen. Mr. And Mrs. Irresponsible, either you find it or we won't be able to register your child as a official in this pack. You have 3 days."

They protested that 3 days were too short.

"Well, all it took you was a night to make that baby so 3 days seem like a fair enough time to retrieve a piece of paper."

I was about to hand up when the lady started screeching in my ear and I almost pulled my hair out in frustration.

"Give the phone to me," said someone from behind me and the phone was snatched from my hand, making me want to growl at the person. But I turned around to see Reece, so I had shut up naturally.

He talked to then professionally for a bit before hanging up.

"Don't worry, they'll submit it in a couple of days." He said, looking at me with careful, observing eyes.

I nodded my head, not in a mood of talking to him. I haven't talked to him since that day I saw him with her. It's been a couple of days since then, but I can't help but feel like he betrayed me.

Like she betrayed me.

I know that I'm in no position to blame anyone. And if there is one person in this picture, everyone hates, it's me.

"I'm talking to you Chance." He said.

"I don't want to talk to you." I muttered in a small voice, trying to walk past him, but he stood in front of me.

"No you aren't going anywhere." He said.

I tried to turn the other way and side step him, but he blocked me again. I turned another way, he came in front of me again.

Clenching my jaw, frustratedly, I said. "Move, Reece. I need to go." My voice that I had wished was more blunt, came out as almost...hurt. Like I was in pain.

And yes, I was. I was in pain. And I was hurting. I had thought that I was good at hiding it. But maybe, not.

"Don't do this, Chance. You need to understand, what I did was for you-"

"I don't want to understand!" I snapped, suddenly restless. I needed to escape this place as soon as possible. If I stay need him for too long, I might breakdown. And then he'll see how weak I have become. I am never good at hiding things from him- he is, no, was- my best friend.

"Well you didn't want to talk to me either, but we've achieved that, right?" He said, grinning toothily, trying to cheer me up.

But I stared blankly at him. In my head I was replaying the scenes of him and her together. Why did he have to go after her? When he knew the truth? How could he?

What happened to bros before hoes? Brother from another mother?

Mother...

That word felt like a sudden slap on my face and my heart jolted with a new wave of pain and remorse.

My body turned stiff, my eyes darkened and my walls of defense went up. My heart wrapped itself into it's cocoon, it's shell of protection and blocked all the emotions out.

I closed my eyes, my body almost travelled back in past I could almost hear the sound of her boisterous laughter. Her smiling face, appeared in from of my eyes as her bright blue eyes crinkled with joy. Her brown locks fell in form of curls on her forehead and cheeks when she was happy. I could picture her taking me to the pack woods in her arms when I was a kid, and how I used to hold her pinkie when I grew up.

I remembered her smell, the most comforting thing in the world for me

My safe haven. Whenever I'd have a bad dream, I'd go to her room and she'd hug me to sleep. My mother. My sweet sweet mother.

Everytime I fell ill, she'd stay up all night taking care of me. I could still feel her fear, her worry and her love.

Those were all pleasant memories, last ones I had of her. Last moments I had felt genuinely secure. When you're with your parents, you're the safest ever. That safety was taken away from me soon. Way too soon.

Coldness spread through my skin as the feeling of being robbed took over my senses and I felt like I was the most insecure person ever. The most vulnerable, scared being. It was just like I had felt the day she died. The day I realized she was no more.

The day I learned that I could no longer hear her laughter, enjoy her mother hugs and kisses, be in her secure arms, listen to her voice till I sleep, eat the food she cooked for me, sleep on her lap or just be with her.

I had lost her completely. I wasn't ready. I didn't deserve it.

Reece didn't matter anymore as I easily side stepped him, and walked away. He too, knew better than to stop me this time.

Because I wasn't even myself anymore.

It took a few hours of workout and running for me to get back to normal and I was just walking back to my room when I remembered something.

Frowning, I walked upto my father's office upstairs. I knocked lightly on the door to hear a "come in" from inside.

Pushing the door open, I saw him sitting on the office chair, with documents and laptop spread in front of him as he worked furiously and relentlessly. I sighed. I knew it. He hasn't slept yet.

"You should sleep, dad." I said softly and he looked up to see me watching him with concern.

His eyes were bounded by dark, tired eyes circles which he could no longer hide from me with his hugr glasses. No matter how much he tried, he couldn't hide the fact that he was tired anymore.

"Yeah." Was all he said before returning to his work, making me sigh again. He won't listen so easily.

He always does this. He drowns himself into work and self pity with this date comes near. When her death anniversary comes near.

It was still a week. Worst is in the very day of it, the entire pack can feel his gloom.

It is the worst day for me, because not only did I have to deal with my own miseries, I had to look after him too because I never know what he can do.

Three years ago, he had tried to kill himself. I still shiver when I reminisce what a mess it was. How terrifying it was to see him in the bloody tub with wolfsbane in his system. His hollow eyes and pale skin that day, still haunt my dreams.

He's the only family I am left with. Only person I am left with. And I do love him, and care for him. I will protect him with all I have.

"She won't want you to do this to yourself." I blurted out, not even realizing what I had said till his blazing eyes met him and I encountered his angry expression.

"Excuse me?" He seethed. "What did you say? You little brat. You are no one to tell me what to do. I am a grown up, responsible man. You're the immature one here. And what are you lecturing about, huh! You are the biggest disappointment when it comes to a son. So don't even get me started. Just leave this room before I do something I shouldn't."

His words stung like hell. I have to say that. I value him the most in my life. And this is what he gives me? For my care and love?

You deserve it. I remind myself. I deserve this all.

With a bleeding heart, I nodded and left the room.

Walking like a dead, I went to my room wondering my I couldn't control this. I thought I had made myself clear that I won't feel emotions anymore. That I would refuse to feel angry, sad, happy, affectionate anymore. Then why do I?

'It's biology. Ever heard of this thing called hormones? Dumb fuck.' A hostile voice said in my head which I recongnized to belong to Lupus.

He had not left me, because of his beta duties. But he pretty much hated me. Because of what I did, he hated me. He always will. I know that.

Another person I lost.

I didn't reply to him, I had no strength to. I just wanted to slip into oblivion of sleep.

But that's the thing right. Sleep wasn't oblivious anymore.

I gripped the sides of my bed tightly. My knuckles turning white as my heart raced thinking about those nightmares again. I have been getting them since I was a child.

Repeating events. Reminding me of what happened that day. I remember everything so distinctly, so clearly that it's a curse.

I wish I could forget.

I clenched my jaw in anger. This wasn't fair.

When I had started being with her, my nightmares had reduced to none, and I even had a nice dream once.

But now, they've returned back. On full force.

I no longer wake up screaming like I did as a kid. Nor do I wake up, sweating in tears. I just bear the pain through it. It's a punishment I have accepted. I sleep with that nightmare.

I sleep all through it. I watch it over and over again as my punishment on myself.

I lied down on my bed, my head touching the soft pillow, my eyes drooping in tiredness.

Burying my nose in the pillows, I inhaled deeply. It still kind of smelled like her. The sweet scent of her still lingered in my room. I don't know for how long it will last. But I'll cherish it till it's here.

Flashes of that night came in my head and I felt sleep leaving me. I felt an unquestionable and unquenchable need to see her once.

Just once. I won't say anything. I would come back.

I won't do anything. I promise.

I just need to see her. Maybe hear her voice, look into her eyes. Just this. I haven't seen her in days.

I need this.

With a determined decision, I got up from my bed to the door of my room. Walking down the hallway I spotted her room close to mine and I smiled as a few memories came rushing to me.

I knocked on her door. No reply came. I furrowed my eyebrows and knocked again. There wasn't a single shuffle heard from inside.

Confused and reluctant as hell, I pushed the door open to see something that I had never expected.

Empty room with empty cupboards and empty drawers. She wasn't here. No trace of her. Like she never even existed.

My stomach dropped as I realized she had gone.

Oh my god. Why?

I was lost in my own thoughts and worries when I heard the voice of a very worried and hyper Lupus from within me telling my something important.

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