“Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Because of you

I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me

Because of you

I am afraid.”

"What is a pretty girl like you, doing here all alone?"

I turned around to see who it was and gasped.

"Xander?" I whispered, shocked.

-

It's our 2nd year anniversary and Xander decided to take me to a fancy restaurant for dinner.

"Xan!" I giggled as he tickled my sides before leaning in to kiss me.

I kissed him back, immediately. My arms wrapping around his neck and I angled our faces to deepen the kiss. He moaned in approval and put his arm around my waist, moving his lips against mine.

I didn't feel any sparks- nothing. But I still liked it for some reason.

Sparks can't really exist, right? It's just fanatasies.

My thoughts were interrupted when Xander began pushing his hand up my shirt, touching my skin.

I clenched his shirt, not liking the feeling. I didn't like it when he touched me like that.

But he took it as a signal of pleasure and began touching me further up.

His finger brush the base of my bra and I gasped, pulling back quickly.

"Stop!" I said, strongly. "How many times have I told you, Xander? I am not ready yet! Why do you always have to ruin our kiss like that?"

My breathe came out in pants as I was angry.

Not with him. But myself.

I mean, I get him. He is a male with hormones and we have been going out 2 years now. It should be normal to be intimate.

I should not have a problem with having sex with him.

But for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to do that.

The mere thought of doing it with him repulsed me for some reason and I couldn't stop myself from pulling away.

Again, my fault. Not his.

He always stops though. Every time I pull away, he stops.

But I can tell that he's frustrated.

"Fine." He said curtly, his jaw clenched and he fisted his palm as we drove to the restaurant.

The entire ride, it was silent. Neither of us spoke.

I bit my lip and looked up at him through my lashes. He looked pissed.

I sighed, blaming myself. Maybe it was my fault? Maybe I was being too selfish by asking him to stop? Maybe I should do it. Maybe I should give my virginity to him afterall. He deserves it. He's been with me for last 2 years.

Maybe I should just give up to him.

---

"What would you like to have miss?" The waiter asked me and I looked up.

"A spinach and cheese lasagna with a side of garlic bread, please." I answered, smiling politely at him.

He smiled back nodding, quickly scribbled the orders and went back.

I shifted my eyes to Xander to see him seething in anger. My eyes widened as he banged the table with his fist.

"How DARE you flirt with him in front of me!" He growled, making me almost jump up in fear.

My heart thudded in fear as I saw the familiar craze and anger in his eyes.

"I-I-I...." I tried to defend myself but nothing came out. I was too petrified.

I didn't want him to hit me again...

"You bitch! You have the audacity to flirt with other men in front of my eyes, I wonder would you do on my back!"

I shook my head furiously,"No no no Xander! You are misunderstanding everything. I wasn't flirting with him!"

"Oh yeah? Do you think I am blind?" He roared, his loud voice reverberating in the restaurant, making every table turn they hear towards us.

My cheeks flamed up in embarrassment and I ducked my head down.

"You are overreacting, Xan." I said calmly, wanting him to just stop.

He growled again, giving me a menacing glare.

"Don't you dare talk to me like that!" He said, grabbing me wrist as he dragged me out of the restaurant.

"Let go!" I cried, trying to pull away. I tried to detach myself from his hold but he just tightened the hold and kept dragging me out. Tears fell down my face and I whimpered in fear.

That night, Xander dragged me out of the restaurant, screamed at me and slapped me.

He called me names like slut, whore and what not— then left me there to rot.

He didn't drop me home. He just took his car and drove away.

I was 17, and I didn't have my wolf yet. So I decided to walk home.

The next morning I woke up to a stinging pain on my left cheek. I hissed in pain and looked at myself in the mirror to see a big black bruise on my cheek and identical ones on my wrists.

I sob escaped my throat when I thought about what all happened yesterday.

It wasn't supposed to end like that....it was out anniversary...

I wiped my tears and couldn't help but wonder if it was my fault.

Maybe...maybe...it won't have happened had I agreed to have sex with him?

Maybe he was insecure about my rejection?

I should have just said yes...

---

I stood in front of his house with an apology cake in my hand. I was about to go in there, say sorry, and tell him that I was ready to give my virginity to him.

I am sure he will be happy.

Smiling, I rang the doorbell.

I waited for sometime, but no one opened. I frowned, ringing it again.

Still, no one opened.

I was about to leave when I heard noises from his apartment.

Is he home?

Oh my god. What if there are burglars?

I decided to bang on the door when I realized it was opened. Frowning, I enter the apartment and the living room was empty.

"Xan?" I called out. But no one answered.

I was about to call his name again but then I hear the noises again.

This time it was more clear. It was not a regular noise. No.

It was the sound of someone moaning.

I gasped when I heard it again. He was the one moaning. I could tell that.

I quickly climbed up the stairs and stood out of his room, ready to barg in.

"Oh yes! Baby! You feel so good. There there. Harder baby. Faster. Oooo." His moans mixed with someone else's voice and I knew what was happening.

I covered my mouth and choked a sob.

Why me?

I placed a hand on the handle and pushed the door open to see the sight that will haunt me forever.

My boyfriend was naked, on top of another lady- Mila Star- to be specific, clearly going at it.

Tears ran down my face as I saw him thrusting inside of her, both of them naked. Mila moaned and kissed my boyfriend, both of them completely wrapped around each other.

"Xander!" I said, hurt and betrayal clear in my tone.

His back froze at my voice and he stopped mid thrust.

"O-Oli?" He said, turning around. His expression turned into one of fear and regret as he took in my face.

I shook my head, dropped the cake and went running down the stairs.

I opened my car faster than lightning but he grabbed my wrist, pulling me back.

"Listen baby I am sorry, it is not what it looked like," he rushed, in a desperate tone.

I scoffed, pulling away. "Of course. It was much worse that what it looked like. I hate you so much right now. You made me feel like I was doing something wrong. While you were out there cheating on me! Get the fuck out of my life and never try to contact me again!"

I told him and got in my car.

He shook his head and banged on my door.

"No! Oli! Oli please baby I am so sorry! I promise we can fix this...please don't go...Oli!"

I watched him as tears ran down his face. But it didn't affect me one bit.

I reversed my car and got out of his driveway and life.

When I went home, I was so strong though.

I cried.

I cried so much.

I cried till I passsd out.

Then, I woke up, and I cried some more.

At first, Xander was just a there so that I could forget about Ryder. So that I could move on. But along the way,I genuinely fell for him. And see where it led me!

That incident broke me. He broke me. He made me realize how naive and stupid I was. And he turned me cold and selfish.

I changed that day. He changed me.

And you know what? I was glad I didn't give up to him.

--End of flashback--