The secret compartment

Walking into my apartment after a long day at work, I found Missy waiting for me at the door, jumping energetically at my feet and I picked her up to pat her soft fur. I offered to look after her for Nate and Liv while they were away, and she's been nothing but a sweet darling these last couple of days since she hasn't scratched, hissed or attacked me this far, so I guess we're good.

“Did you miss me?”, I gently stroked her chin and she let out a tiny squeak. “I'll take that as a yes”

Pouring food into the feeder and milk on the little bowl she had aside, she scurried onto the floor, playing with one of her toys she successfully managed to scatter across the room

My phone chimed with a notification message from Olivia, checking up on how we're doing, but I knew it was mostly for me and how I was doing. I know she meant well, but she really didn't have to worry about me, especially now that she was on a luxurious gateway with Nathan for the week. He took her to the Mauritius island and by the looks of it, it's like she didn't even want to come back because they were having so much fun.

My insta feed was flooded with their pictures together as they even had a professional photo shoot on the beach and everything. I don't know about y'all but Nathan was really setting the bar up for the guys out here, all that was left for us was to stand down and take notes. He cherished her the way she deserved to, never making her feel like she was second best. Their love was real, genuine and they both looked very madly in love with each other in their pictures and in real life.

One picture that stood out from their collection was of her picking shells on the sand, reminding me that I actually haven't looked at the items in our memory box because I was sure there was one picure similar to that one from our combined family vacation when we were about eleven or twelve

Grabbing a beer from the fridge, I took the box to the lounge and started on the trip down memory lane. After laying out the picture across the coffee table and the gifts we made and bought each other growing up... I thought the box was empty until I felt that there was some kind of hidden compartment inside, on the floor of the box. I opened it up and found Liv's journal she kept with her at all times when we were in high school, and she would never let me touch it.

Would it be an invasion of privacy if I took one quick glance at it? Because I've always wondered what was it about that journal she wouldn't even let me read. I've always wanted to know what went through her mind each second she scribbled entries almost every day.

What she doesn't know won't hurt her, I thought to myself as I picked it out and blew the dust that was on the front cover. Opening the diary, a letter fell out. Seeing my name written in her unique bold italic handwriting, I got curious and decided to read it.

~•~•~•~

My dearest Tristan

I know you won't probably get to read this, but this is my first and final letter to you. Learning to get over you was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life because I feel in love with you slowly with time. I loved you so much that even the little thing like being close to you, so close that I was able to breathe the same air as you completed me.

I've even surfed the net on ways to get over someone you love but none of the links gave me the answer I was looking for except to give myself time cause it might take months or years to finally let go of the idea of you

At one point of my life, I was convinced that you were the love of my life because you were the first boy I was willing to give my all to even though I couldn't tell whether you reciprocated the same feelings for me or not, that's why I never said anything to you even though every fiber in my body was screaming the opposite. Keeping quiet seemed like the only way to keep you close to me. Despite everything, I learned to disguise my undying love for you as an unbreakable bond for our friendship knowing very well that's not all I wanted to be because I felt like I needed more, but then Mellisa came into our lives and kinda changed life as I knew it.

I won't lie, it took me a while to get used to the idea that you have someone else in your life. Someone you were willing to give your all to for the sake of her happiness, but now truth be told; seeing you with her every time doesn't hurt like it used to in the beginning, I'm slowly getting used to Mellisa being a part of your life, and I'm okay with that.

For as long as I'm still a part of your life Tristan, as long as I can cheer for you from the sidelines and be one of your biggest supporters. As long as I can be one of the people you turn to whenever you need a shoulder to cry and lean on. As long as I can share in your all victories and comfort with your losses. As long as I can still be there for you as much as you've been there for me. As long as I'm a part of your life as much as you're part of mine, I'm okay with anything.....

I'll always be there for you, no matter what, because you know; “That's what friends are for”

All my love

Liv♡

~•~•~•~•

I just sat there, trying to process every detail my brain was getting in and that's when my heart started sinking in my chest. I never realized she felt like this about me.

I started paging through her diary, scanning on the handwritten entries and discovered that my name was almost in every page in there, my entire existence in words. She even wrote more on the things I wasn't aware I was doing, simple gestures like how I would run my hand through my hair, the way I laughed, even the way I would wear my cap backwards when we walked back from school and how she could tell every time when I was lying to her....everything in point detail.

For the first time in a very long time, I was actually speechless to the point that I couldn't even hear myself think, almost like all my thoughts went silent. I re-read the letter a couple more times, hoping that somehow I didn't just read what I thought I did, that all if this was just an illusion but unfortunately it wasn't.

Missy jumped into my lap and folded herself into loaf mode and I started patting her

“What do I do now Missy?”, I heaved a sigh, looking at her like she had the answers to my questions, and she looked away, basically telling me in not so many words that I'm on own in this....because I was

Arriving at the hospital, I inquired more about the maternity ward at the reception because Anna went into early labour a few weeks before her due date, while I was still away on the magical getaway. We had so much fun, time passed by so fast it felt like we were there for only three days.

I knocked on her door, bearing balloons and flowers for her, and she seemed so excited to see me even though looking terribly exhausted

“Finally, a happy face”, she cheered as I leaned over to hug her and kissed both her cheeks

“How are you doing mommy?”

“Exhausted”, she blew raspberry. “but at least it's all over now”

“I'm sorry I couldn't make it for the birth babe, I soo wanted to”

“You were on vacation honey, I completely understand”, she waved me off, and I was already peaking inside the little angel in the bassinet, my heart melted instantly. “So how was the trip?”

“I'll tell you all about it later, for now I'm here for this one”, Mia was wrapped in this little soft blanket and I carefully picked her up to sit beside Anna on the bed

“Oh Ann she's so precious”, I couldn't peel my eyes of her beautiful face, trailing my finger on her little hand, and she grabbed it with her whole hand, tighting gently, and I think my uterus just skipped a beat. Even though Anna has been sending me pictures of her, it wasn't the same as holding her in my arms. This was emotionally overwhelming.

“Liv honey, are you crying?”, I felt Anna's hand brush against my shoulder and I looked at her with tears in my eyes. I don't know how it happened, but I was crying.

“She's so beautiful”, I half sobbed, half chuckled as I kissed her chubby cheeks and oh that baby smell of a newborn was enough to make me hold her into my arms forever and never let go

“She is isn't she?”, Anna sat closer to me, cradling Mia from the other side and kissed her forehead

“She's literally the best thing that's ever happened to me”, we both were admiring her lovingly

“Just so you know, I'm going to charge you for babysitting”, I joked as she wiped away the tears in my eyes and she laughed

“Well just have to convince Auntie Liv otherwise, won't we Mia?”, Anna played with her tiny hand. “How can she say no or charge for babysitting such cuteness”

I let out a teary squeak, tears gathering into my eyes again. “Yeah you're right, I'll even probably beg to babysit her. She's stolen my heart”

“Whenever you want to come and see her, you're always welcome”

“Pssh”, I scoffed mockingly. “As if you have a choice. I was going to come and see her whenever I want, with or without your permission”

“This doesn't mean you'll neglect me through. I'm still very much a priority in your life”, she argued, and I gave her an uncertain look and shrug.

“I'm not so sure about that any more ey Ann, I mean I have Mia now so”

“Don't you dare say that because I'll end you”, she warned playfully, and we laughed as our eyes landed on sleeping Mia again

“Welcome to the world princess”

On the day they returned from their vacation, I was hoping I could see Liv and talk to her thinking she would be the one picking Missy up from my place, but it was Nathan instead who showed up to fetch her as Liv went to the hospital to visit Anna after she gave birth

So after a few days, I asked whether I could see her when she got went back to her apartment because I wanted to talk to her about something. It's all I could ever think about, mostly why I couldn't see how I missed it. Why couldn't I tell? It was literally eating me up alive.

Knocking on her door, it was pulled shortly afterwards and there she was, looking beautiful and radiant from all the sun tan from the island

“Hey Liv”, I smiled faintly at her

“Hi”, she threw her hand around me in a welcoming hug and I lazily circled my arms around her waist, hugging her slightly before we broke away. She probably picked up something was wrong as I stood opposite her with my face dropped to the ground.

“What's wrong?”, I felt her tilt my head up so that I looked at her

“I uh”, I cleared my throat while reaching out for her letter in my back pocket. “I was going through our memory box and found this”

I handed it to her and her eyebrows furrowed for a second as she unfolded it and her eyes widened in shock when she realized her handwriting and what she wrote there in that letter

“Oh my God no”, she covered her mouth with her hands, still holding the letter and slowly shook her head

“Oh your god yes”, I pocketed my hands, clearing my throat again. “I think we should talk about this”