“I'm in danger, but I savour the thrill of you”

~Jones, Indulge

Confessions Pt I

We drove around the city for a while

and I looked around our surrounding as he parked outside the gate of the public swimming pool down town

“Is this the place?”, I watched as he turned the ignition off and unbuckled his seat belt

“Yep”, he brushed his hands against the steering wheel before he pushed the car door open and walked to the other side to open the door for me

“You do know the pool is closed at this time, right?”, I questioned as he helped me out of the car and closed the door as I got out

“I'm fully aware”, he smiled, taking me by hand and I walked besides him until we stopped at the tightly locked gates

“Then what are we doing to her-”, he placed his index finger on his lips, telling me to be quiet while he peeked through the narrow openings

“What are you looking for?”, I whispered near his ear, curious to know what the heck he was getting us into

“Night guards”, he turned to look at me. “It looks like tonight is our lucky night, no one is around”

“What are you doing?”, I asked, wide-eyed when I witnessed him pull his weight up, ready to jump over the gate

“How do you think we're going to get inside?”

“Are you out of your mind?”, my lips parted in surprise. “We'll be trespassing”

“So, what's your point exactly?”, he gave a lazy shrug while staring blankly at me

“My point is we could get arrested”, I protested, and he chuckled while jumping off the gate to stand right in front of me

“This is a huge risk, Nathan”, I don't think he knew just how ridiculous his idea was, or how severe the consequences were

“Life without any risks isn't a life worth living”, he shrugged his shoulders. “-and besides, it's going to be fun on condition that you learn to exercise some chill”

I folded my arms, keeping quiet because he seemed to have an answer for everything and so it was pointless to argue with him

“Do you need me to help you jump?”

-obviously

“I don't think this is a good idea-”, I was interrupted by him suddenly lifting me up on his shoulders, ignoring my protest completely as he helped me to climb over the gate. He breathed out a sigh after he jumped over and brushed the soil off his hands while straightening his posture.

“That wasn't hard now, was it?”, he smirked at me, taking my hand in his again, and we walked towards the pool

“So why did you bring me here?”, I asked, and he took a deep breath as he looked into the clear blue waters

“This was one of my favorite places when I was still a kid, I used to come here every weekend”, he started taking his shoes off and dipped his feet into the water and I sat beside him with my legs folded

“Why here?”

“My parents divorced when I was 11 and this was the only place I felt like I was away from everything and everyone that expected me to act like everything was okay. The feeling of being underwater was somehow comforting in a way, almost like I could easily drown away the pain of overlooked just because I was a child and my feelings didn't matter, and so this was the only place I felt like any other normal kid”

“I'm sorry you had to go through all that”, I massaged his shoulders and he shrugged his shoulders

“It's okay really, I've leaned to overcome all that throughout the years”, he entwined our fingers over his shoulder before pressing his lips on my arm. For me, it was the way he talked, so sincere and matured, I couldn't help but listen when he spoke...also because I was so obsessed with the sound of his voice.

I took my sneakers off, dipping my feet into the cold water and there was quiet silence for a minute before I felt him entwine our hands together again, and I rested my head on his shoulder. We sat in comfortable silence for a little while before I thought of bringing up one question I've been asking myself ever since I knew who he was

“That night when we met, why did you introduce yourself as Anthony and not Nathaniel?”

To be honest, I was expecting her to ask me that question sooner or later and she wasn't wrong to want to know. I'm just not sure this is the right time to tell her the whole truth

“Like I said before, I prefer being called Anthony more than Nathaniel and being called Tony by you was like a nice for a change”, I lied because I knew that if I introduced myself as Nathaniel, I'll already have a title to my name, and she would just see me as Mellisa's psychologist widowed cousin rather than Nathaniel who wanted to get to know her better

The first time I ever laid my eyes on her was at Tristan's restaurant opening a few months ago. The reason she didn't see me that night was because I didn't stay long enough for the introductions and there were also a lot of people plus I was still new in town and everything. I only realized who she was when Kevin pointed at her in the middle of the crowd and told me about her.

Then at that moment, I must say that she was literally the most beautiful girl I've seen by far, and I was instantly drawn the second her lips turned into an irrestable, dazzling smile that reached her eyes and I felt my whole world slowing a bit, my heart skipped a beat

That night at the club, I saw an opportunity and I took it with both hands when she was dancing carefree to the music like nothing in the world bothered her and I approached her from behind, dancing with her, and she turned to look at me and I got a clear glimpse of her beautiful face again. Her round brown eyes held such intensity, it was undeniably impossible not to be held prisoner by them each time they locked with mine, managing to enhance her natural beauty even more.

“The way both of us were so out of it that night, I thought we wouldn't remember each other the next morning”, she laughed while swaying her feet back and forth in the water

“There's no way I wouldn't remember you, Liv”, I gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “You're not like anyone I've met before”

“You're not like anyone I've met before either”, she smiled, and I leaned to kiss her on the forehead before standing on my feet

“What are you doing now?”, she asked when she saw me strip out of my clothes

“Skinny dipping”

“What are you, insane?”, her eyes widened. “This is a public place, swimming naked is a punishable offense”

“If you say so”, I was left in my boxer briefs and I saw her eyes travelling up and down my body in awe while biting her bottom lip a little

“My eyes are up here, perv”, I teased, and she smiled still not taking her eyes off me

“How do you always look so good?”, she questioned, and I smiled at her before jumping into the water. When I resurfaced, I noticed she as still fixed onto her spot, without any indication that she was going to join me anytime soon.

“What are you waiting for?”, I asked while splashing water at her, and she shook her head while folding her arms

“Come on”, I urged, but she still wasn't interested. “You don't need to get naked-naked if that's going to make you feel better”

“Nothing you say or do will make me change my mind”

“Okay”, I smirked mischievously. “In that case, I dare you to jump into this water right now”

“If I say no?”, she challenged while raising a brow at me

“Then I won't let you have your way with me, for a very long, long time”

“You're bluffing”, she laughed, and I kept a straight face, I saw her face drop from the realization that I was serious

“You wouldn't do that do me”

“Are you sure you want to take that chance with me?”, I leaned against the edge of the pool and I saw her hesitate for a minute before her hands started unbuttoning her denim danguree, and she stood up to slowly pushed it down her hips. My lips spread into a grin as I watched her take the rest of her clothes off, leaving only her matching set of undergarments and stood there awkwardly while covering her chest with her hands. I reached out to her and helped slowly helped her into the pool.

“Oh my God, it's so cold”, her body started trembling as we resurfaced from the deep end and I swam closer to her to wrap my arms around her as she seemed to be shivering under the water

“Hey, I got you”, I bought her closer to me so that we swam around in circles

“Why did you not tell me the water was so cold?”, she croaked out when I pulled her closer to me

“You really thought I would give you reasons not to get in here?”, I laughed, and she rolled her eyes a little. We locked eyes again before I leaned in and captured her lips with mine for a slow kiss yet passionate. Her lips were always so delicate and warm, and I wished the time could stand still for me to continue indulging At this moment because I never wanted it to end.

I stopped kissing her and move to her neck and jawline, I could literally feel her arms tighten around me as her fingers run down my back, her nails sinking in my skin while she moaned out my name in pleasure

The rest of the night was what I would label a perfect way to end the day. It was like being a little kid again, doing every thing you wanted to do with the fear of getting caught, but continuing it anyways cause of the thrill of it all. We've crossed an a lot rules in just a few hours but yet again, who cares?

It was actually kind of great, the quietness of the area, making waves with the cold water surrounding us, it almost felt like we were the only people in the world and I absolutely fucking loved every minute of it. If I could do it again, I would within a blink of a second because it's Nathan man, he makes it feel okay to be rebellious once in a while. It was now I only realized just how much I loved being around him too.

After spending countless hours in the pool, competing, kissing, laughing and simply enjoying the given the finest aspects of life we finally decided to call it a night, or so I thought until I watched him park in an isolated parking space of the old grocery store after getting takeout and I slipped into the backseats. Not that he wasn't tempted enough when he followed after me because we got to make out and have my way with him as much as I wanted.

“Olivia”, he whispers my name softly against my lips, breathing heavily from the make out session we were currently engaging in, and I opened my eyes to look at him

“What's wrong?”

He paused for a second and his eyes were still on mine and I noticed his eyes were a lot dark and dilated than I'm used to them being. The awkward silence fell between us, with nothing but our heavily breathing filling the air and I grew nervous, biting my bottom lip when I realized just how serious he was.

“Are you okay?”, I cupped his face in his hands and he sighed heavily before closing his eyes

“I can't do this”, he breathed out slowly, like it pained him to say out those worlds but there was nothing else he could do but put them out there to be heard

“You don't want to have sex?”, I asked, slight disappointed at the realization he might be blowing me off

“I'm not talking about the sex”, I felt his hands tighten around my thighs just when I was about to get off on top of him. “ You know just how much I love fucking you”

“Then what's the matter then?”

“I don't feel like we should do this before we talk first, I mean I know I'm responsible for distracting you from the whole we need to talk thing, but I was afraid of being with you only to find out you're going to call us off or something”

“Is that what you're afraid of? That I was going to break up with you?”, I taunted while teasing him with a kiss, to evoke some annoyed reaction from him.

“Liv, I'm serious “, he grunted while looking away so that I don't tease him anymore

“Okay, I'm sorry”, I kissed him on his cheek and he turned his face to look at me again

“So here we are, Liv”, he titled his head to the side and folded his arms. “You wanted to talk right? Let's talk”

“Okay”, I was about to slide off his lap to seat beside him but he quicky grabbed me by the waist, stopping my attempts

“You're just fine right here where you are”, he positioned me on top of him, firmly holding me by the waist

“Okay, so I've thinking lately that,” I twirled my fingers together. “Would it be weird if we were just friends who just don't see other people?”

He paused for a second, like he was giving what I said a thought, doing that mini hand fold with one hand on his chin, his eyes never leaving mine

“Wouldn't that count as a relationship?”

“I don't think it does”, I shook my head, and he made that brief amused laugh while throwing his head back to look at the roof of the car

“How is this going to work exactly since we can't be together-together or see other people?”, he asked, and I hesitated because I didn't have a definite answer for him because I hadn't thought it that far. I mean it was just an idea that just came into my mind and I just said it like it was.

“I don't know about you but that sounds even more complicated than what we have going on right now”

“It doesn't have to get more complicated if we put our minds into this”, I wrapped my arms around his neck, hoping I can be able to convince him otherwise

“Surely we can just talk, laugh and have sex without feeling obligated to one another, right?”, I suggested, and he shook his head, mumbling, it's not that simple' to himself before keeping quite completely

“So, what to you think?”, that awkward silence started over again, and it was driving me crazy

“Please say something”, I tilted his face up so that he looks at me and his eyes didn't even show the tiniest of emotion at all, all he did was stare blankly at me

“I'm afraid I can't do that anymore, Liv”

“Why not?”, I sounded disappointed that he was turning down my proposal, I mean I know it was crazy and selfish, but it would count as something.

“There's no easier way to say this, but,”, he drew a deep breath before opening his mouth to continue,

“I think I'm falling in love with you”