Awkward.

“Is there something going on between you two?”

Then all of a sudden all sets of eyes turned to look at me like I was the only one who was supposed to answer that question. Olivia was also staring at me, with a questioning look as she scratched her neck.

“No, we're just friends”, I said defensively, already helping myself to one of the beers they bought with them. It pained me having to say that out loud more than just thinking about it. “Surely that is not a crime”

“No it's not”, Sarah came to my rescue while throwing Kevin a look. “It's nice you're getting to know other people, Nathan”

“We're in the same circle of friends after all”, Tristan stood to his feet to scroll on my phone and played some music. Soon, everyone started talking about something else, and I could see Olivia breathe a sigh of relief while engaging in the ongoing topic

We then decided to play some cards, Crazy Eights, and it was more like the battle of the sexes because the girls turned a simple game into a war. Things were going well and smooth until Kevin decides to open his mouth, again.

“So Nate, how did your date go the other night?”

Shit

“Date?”, the others chorused except Olivia, who had her eyes fixed on her cards the entire time

“What are you talking about?”, I tried acting surprised so that maybe this whole conversation would blow over. Wrong move. Note to self; never do that again.

“The night you bailed on a guys night out and told us you had a hot smoking date?”, Kevin added, and it was only then I got to see a reaction from Olivia, it was like she was trying to draw a breath but then started to choke on her own saliva low-key before raising her eyes to finally look at me

“You had a date that night?”, Tristan questioned, and I suddenly felt like I was under some kind of intense microfying glass with everyone looking at me

“I didn't know you're going out on dates”, Mellisa chipped in disbelief

“Why do you guy sound so surprised that he's going out on dates?”, Sarah rose her brow at them and this is one of the reasons why she is my favorite cousin, she always had my back

“The date was okay”, I answered and the guys didn't seem satisfied with my answer

“You have to tell us more than that pal, at least let us know that you bailing out on us was actually worth something”, Tristan took a sip of his beer

“Did you smash?”, Kevin asked while raising an eyebrow at me, earning a quick, painful nudge from Sarah to which he winced in immediate pain

“That's none of our business”

“Babe, I just want to know-”, he protested, and Sarah quickly shushed him up by placing her hand over his mouth

“It's none of our business”, she emphasised, and Kevin frowned before slowly nodding his head

“Are you going to see her again?”, Mellisa jumped in, and I rolled my eyes, I just wanted to talk about something else now

“I don't know, maybe”, I took a sip of my beer before focusing back on the game

“I'm actually kind of glad you're seeing someone Nate, your whole life can't revolve around work. You need to live your life”, Tristan added before placing a card on the table.

“Take two for being so quiet Liv”, he said in a joking manner. Olivia smiled weakly before taking two cards.

“It's just that there's really nothing to say”, she shrugged while she arranged her cards

“What about you Liv? Are you seeing anyone?”, Mellisa quickly took the opportunity to shoot her with questions now that she was participating in the conversation.

“Uh”, her eyes found mine already looking at her, and she shook her head. “Not at the moment”

“Well I think you and Nathan could make a pretty cute couple”, Sarah added with a mischievous smile on her face causing both Olivia and I to laugh awkwardly while taking sips of our beers. I couldn't really tell whether Sarah was joking or actually serious.

“What happened to minding our own business?”, Kevin asked sarcastically and as he gave Sarah the side eye

“They're both single”, she said in her defense. “I just don't see why not”

“We're just better off as just friends”, Olivia said while looking at me. “Don't you think, Nate?”

“I couldn't agree more”, I said looking at her when she stood on her feet

“I'm just going to fill up the snacks”, she took the bowl we were eating the chips from and walked to the kitchen. I desperately wanted to stand up to go talk to her in the kitchen, but I just didn't know how to without drawing any obvious suspicion.

“I think were freshly out of beer here”, Tristan titled his already finished beer bottle and well then bingo!

“I'll go get it the ones I had in the fridge”, I stood up, not too fast but quick enough to beat anyone else who would have volunteered to get the beers. I found Olivia pouring the chips onto the bowl and I walked to the fridge to get a few beers. She seemed deep in thought, and she didn't even notice I was in the kitchen with her and only acknowledged my presence when I tapped her on the shoulder.

“Are you good?”, I asked, and she drew a deep breath, nodding her head. She wasn't good, I could just see it but also there was nothing I could say or do to get her to tell me what was bothering her.

“Okay”, I was about to walk back to the others but then,

“Actually no, I'm not good at all”, she ran a hand through her hair before folding her arms and unfolded them again in frustration. I knew it.

“What seems to be the problem?”, I leaned on the counter besides her

“I didn't realize we were like”, she fidgeted with her fingers nervously “-seeing other people while we have what we have going on”

“I thought we agreed on no commitments, pressure or labels so even if I was seeing other people, it shouldn't be like a problem”

“It doesn't work like that, Nathan”, she whisper shouted, seeming to lose her cool but not loud enough so that the others could hear

“How does it work then Liv?”, I placed the beers on the counter and folded my arms. “I've never been in a situation similar to this one before in my life so obviously I'm still a little clueless”

“You can't hook up with other people while we still have what we have going on”

“Why not?”

“It just doesn't work like that. It's against the rules”

“I thought there were no rules to begin with”, I retorted, and she inhaled a sharp breath while pinching the bridge of her nose to calm herself down

“You know what?”, she laughed a little, but I could tell she was holding back a sob. “I just can't do this right now, I think I'm just going to go”

“You're just going to leave?”

“There's no point in talking about this further”, she grabbed the bowl in her hands and turned to walk out of the kitchen

“I don't get it Liv”, I said, and she stopped in her tracks. “You're the one who wanted us to keep this thing between us on a low profile and keep it between us and I went along with it. Now you have a problem if I see other people?”

“You don't understand”

“I think I do. We both know the reason why you don't want us to go public with this is because of your ex. You're afraid that I'm going to hurt you the same way he did and the sad thing is that you just don't see it”

“I don't see what?”

I was about to explain to her what I've been dying to tell her from the beginning but Kevin's voice interrupted

“What's taking you two so long in there?”

She took one long hard look at me, waiting for me to say what I've been meaning to tell her, but I couldn't, I just shrugged and took the beer bottles and walked past her and I could hear her sigh heavily before following after me

No further words or looks were exchanged between us for the remainder of that night until they decided to call it a night and go home. This whole thing was just eating me up alive inside, how I really felt about her. I wasn't willing to compromise my feelings and mental well-being for someone who wasn't going to reciprocate their feelings in return. She was like a closed book and only allowed people to see her the way she wanted them to, there was no reading her mind or seeing what I would call predictable moves a person normally does to get by.

Maybe it was just best if we called this whole thing off, for both our sake. While laying on the couch, I caught a glimpse of my phone screen lighting up with a message notification from her and I tapped on it.

I sighed before replying to her message. I already knew what was about to happen. After drafting the short message, I tapped on the send button and pressed my power button to switch the screen off and laid back on the couch again, my mind racing with thoughts before I finally drifted off to sleep.