After we got home from the doctor's office I went to the kitchen to a lunch box. After I started living in Rafael's house I did this no longer only for Casey but for Remi and Milo too. Not because it's something I had to do, it was a pleasant task. Preparing food helped me to focus on something different than my problems and the kids seemed to appreciate my efforts.

Rafael showed up in the kitchen out of nowhere. He was right behind me for some reason.

However I was angry at him at what happened at Alex's office. Now that the initial phase of shock and fear passed I was just annoyed with Rafael's behavior. Did he had to torment Eva's boyfriend like that? For what?

"How are you feeling?"

"Fantastic" I said sarcastically. "Did you have to make a scene at Alex's office?" I turned around to face him.

"Yes"

I rolled my eyes, closed the lunchboxes and planned to leave the kitchen when Rafael's hand stopped me. He pulled me closer and whispered into my ear.

"Can I call you Eli?"

"W-what?!" I looked at him shocked at his request.

His serious face quickly shifted into amusement "You want to call me what?"

"Eli. That's what dr. Brown no, Alex. He calls you Eli, right? I want to call you that too"

"Why?"

"I like how it sounds"

I blushed "R-Rafael?"

"Yes?"

"What about personal space?"

"What about it?" He asked.

"I think you should take a step back for the sake of it,"

"I really don't want to"

And I didn't want him to step away either.

He kissed me. I kissed back against my better judgement.

What the hell am I doing?!

"I hated to see him using that sweet form of your name. You're mine, only I should be allowed to call you that" he muttered, jealousy dripping from his voice.

"Not yours"

"Definitely mine," he said, and placed another kiss on my lips. Then another one.

Finally, gently but firmly, he pulled me towards the stairs.

🔆🔆🔆

I woke up in the middle of the night in Rafael's bedroom. Why did I let him bring me here?

Another mistake. Where is my self-control? Around him it's nonexistent.

What the hell am I doing? I covered my face with my hands. I hate myself.

But I had no time to have internal speech about how much of a disappointment I am to myself. Instead, I needed blueberries. I have to eat them now. No joke.

It was the only thing I was able to think about. I looked at my watch - it was 3 am. I must admit that it was a problem. But if you try hard enough every problem has a solution and this particular one needed an instant solution.

I tried to get up so quietly that Rafael wouldn't notice.

I chose to put on my black leggings and simple black t-shirt and a green hoodie I found in Rafael's closet. It didn't match anything else he owned. His wardrobe was full of black suits, shirts and pants. I couldn't imagine him wearing it how bizarre. It was very comfortable though.

As I went across the room I noticed that Rafael is still asleep. That was a big success. Then I closed the door and went downstairs. As I was putting on my jacket I was happy and proud of my successful attempt to sneak out.

But I started celebrating too soon.

A deep male voice startled me as I was in the middle of opening the door I froze in place.

"Where are you going?"

"Um-" He crossed his arms over his chest and waited for me to explain. "Shopping. I'm going shopping"

"At 3 am?" He raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

"Grocery shopping" I specified as if it could help my case.

"We have a full fridge"

"It doesn't have blueberries"

"I will let Alicia know in the morning to restock"

"Or I will go as I planned to the store"

"I don't see Giovanni anywhere you were planning to go alone haven't you?"

"I would be back in 15 minutes"

"I would need less than 5 seconds to grab you from the parking lot and throw you into my car"

"Cmon at least 10 seconds. It wouldn't be that easy"

"Are you haggling with me right now?"

"Maybe?"

He shook his head "how the hell am I suppose to be angry with you when you're so cute?"

"Don't be angry then"

I closed my eyes when he kissed me. He was holding my face in his arms and he was getting closer to me to kiss me again

"Rafael?" He stopped.

"Yes?"

"I still want blueberries"

He rolled his eyes and pulled away.

"Wait where are you going?"

"To get you that damn blueberries"

He himself is going to get my blueberries? Normally Rafael would wake someone up to do such a tedious task. That's weird.

15 minutes later I was sitting in the kitchen eating a mountain of blueberries.

Rafael didn't come back to sleep. Instead, he was watching me eat. I need to find him some other hobby.

"Go to bed. It's late," I said feeling a little guilty that I woke him up this way when such a workaholic. Every hour of sleep counted in his case.

"You go to sleep," he retorted, he was sitting in front of me in a close proximity and I wouldn't dare to argue with him.

Uh oh, better change the subject.

"Why do you keep a sweatshirt like this in your wardrobe? It's not your style" I was referring to a dark green hoodie I was wearing right now.

Rafael gave me a long look as if he wondered if it was worth to receive this information.

"This hoodie is from my high school days. I always preferred more official than casual style but I had quite a few of those. When my little sister had a bad dream, she would steal them from my bedroom, I was pissed off about it and because I have good memory I would regularly take away from her closet the hoodies she stole from me. This one I've thought I've lost because I couldn't find it anywhere. After she died I found it hidden under her bed. I couldn't bring myself to throw it away"

I swallowed back my tears. I've lost handful of precious people and I knew how hard it was. Sometimes I think it's better to never have anyone at all than to lose a person. A person who's lost leaves an empty space that cannot be filled in with anything.

How could I help him? How can I ease Rafael's pain when my own wounds are not healed yet?

We went back to sleep but instead of going to our separate rooms I ended up in his bedroom again. This time we just went to sleep. I could feel his warm arms embracing me tightly and I felt safe.

🔆🔆🔆

I was awakened by a hand stroking my cheek. Rafael sometimes treated me like a delicate porcelain figurine. As I looked at his beautiful brown eyes I didn't want him to release me from his embrace. Never.

My temporary happiness was overshadowed by guilt and confusion. Will he be mad at me when he learns that I made decision to terminate pregnancy without his knowledge? What if he learns after I do this? How will he react? With each day closer to scheduled visit I was tormented with more fear and uncertainty.

I was trying to figure out in which reality we end up as a happy family? It seemed surreal. He was having fun, I was something to entertain him for awhile. We will spend several more weeks together and then he will toss me away because how could he not?

Why would men like him love someone like me?

"Eli?"

"Y-yes?" I asked startled by the way he pronounced my name. With such tenderness and love I didn't understand this.

"You seem sad. Are you okay? Maybe you're still feeling unwell?"

"No, I'm totally fine" I shook my head in denial. I didn't want him to worry. I pushed negative thoughts away I didn't want to ruin the time we spend together. I wanted to celebrate it because I had no idea how long it would last. It could be over tomorrow, so I had to enjoy today.

"How was your sleep?" He asked.

"Great," I smiled gently. I even dared to kiss him on the cheek. It was my thanks for him acting all sweet right now, and a face that usually expressed nothing was now surprised. "How about you? After all blueberry adventure robbed you from few precious hours of rest?"

"I'm perfectly fine. Besides I'm my own boss who's going to force me to go to work if I don't feel like it?" He smirked.

"Fair"

"Are you excited for your first day of work?"

"Mostly nervous"

"Don't be. You're going to do great" Rafael assured me. I don't know how what made him think that. "By the way. I'm taking you to dinner on Tuesday, I hope you have time at 8 pm. Unfortunately, it's work related"

"Oh?"

"My former business partner and his spouse invited us. I thought it would be impolite to reject their invitation"

"Why are we seeing them?"

"Officially it's just a dinner between good colleagues. But the truth is a man who invited us suffers from financial problems. His company will soon collapse and he wants to me to invest in, that could potentially save him from bankruptcy"

"Are you going to help him?"

"It depends"

"On what?"

"Whether I feel like it"

I looked at him in disbelief. So this man's fate depended on Rafael's mood?

Poor thing.