Huxley

I feel the blood drain from my face as my body goes rigid at her words. Is it possible I missed years of my child's life? I look around her house as if looking for signs of a child, but I see nothing. Just like last night. I look up at her, her eyes filled with tears and my heart begins to beat out of my chest.

"Where's..." I start to ask, but she shakes her head, a sob wracking her small body.

"I lost it. At ten weeks. I had a miscarriage." She says, her voice heavy with emotion and I feel like my heart is being ripped in two. I lift my hand to rub my chest as if that could dissipate some of the pain.

"Oh, baby..." I murmur, trying to wrap my mind around her admission as I watch her begin to break down in tears.

She went through that without me.

I have never hated myself more.

I stand and walk over to her, falling to my knees in front of her. I wrap my arms around her waist and press my forehead to her stomach, where our baby was.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I wasn't here." I say, my voice catching with my own devastation.

"I know we were young, I know it would have been hard, but I wanted her Huxley. I wanted her so much." She sobs and I look up at her with tears in my eyes.

"Her?" I ask and she nods.

"It was a little girl." I didn't know it was possible, but my heart shatters even more. Another little Wren running around.

"She would have been perfect." I say and Wren starts crying harder. She drops to the floor with me and I pull her into my arms, resting her face on my shoulder as she sobs.

"I'm so sorry." I say again and she pulls away to look at me.

"I needed you, Huxley! I needed you and you weren't here. I couldn't even talk to you. To tell you. I needed you!" She screams again and her little fists come down on my chest. I've never seen her so hurt, angry, so destroyed. I let her take her rage out on me. I deserve it. If I hadn't been so selfish, hadn't wanted that one night with her, she never would have gone through something so heartwrenching.

"I'm so sorry, Wren." I murmur over and over again as she cries. I reach up to wipe away my own tears as I hold her. Eventually her body stops shaking and her cries fade into an unnerving quiet.

"Tell me how to fix this?" I plead. "Tell me you can forgive me?" I ask and she looks at me with red rimmed eyes, pulling away from me.

"Tell me how, Huxley. Please tell me how to forgive you because I'll do it. I don't want it anymore. The anger, the resentment. It hurts to carry it around, it makes my soul feel heavy. I'm tired of it, but I don't know how to let it go. I loved you so much, Huxley. I loved you so much it hurt to breathe when you left. I want nothing more than to love you and be loved by you, but every time I see you I think about her. I think about that doctor telling me she was gone. Needing you, hoping somehow you would sense my pain and call me, come find me and put back together all of my broken pieces. But you never did. I had to do it by myself." She says and more tears fall down my face.

"I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you, Wren. You know if I had known I would have been here for you. You know that, right baby?" I ask and she nods, wiping her face and looking at me.

"I believe that. I really do. But you took away my choice. You decided what was best for me without considering my feelings." She says and I nod.

"I know that now. I was young and thought I was doing the right thing, the noble thing, sparing you the stress and, if I died, the pain. I only ever want what's best for you." I say, my voice taking on a pleading tone. She nods and stands, walking towards the kitchen. She gets down a glass and gulps down some water before she grabs my hand.

"Come with me." She says and pulls me towards her bedroom. I watch as she walks towards her bookshelf, taking down her favorite book. She flips a few pages open before she takes out a slip of paper, handing it to me. On the paper is a grainy black and white image.

"Is this her?" I ask and Wren nods with a sad smile. I run my fingertips over the image in awe, my arms physically aching to hold the little person in the picture.

"I'd do anything to have her here now." I say and another tear falls down Wren's face. She takes the picture and tucks it back into her book, slipping it back on the shelf. She turns back towards me and walks slowly across the room. She wraps her arms around my waist, tucking her face into my neck and I hold her tight.

"Why is it that I'm so angry at you, but your arms are the only place I find peace?" She asks quietly and I sigh.

"Can you ever forgive me? Please tell me you can forgive me?" I beg and she sighs, tightening her grasp on me.

"I'll try, Hux. I swear I will." She says and it's the most I could hope for. I know I don't deserve it, that I should leave her alone, let her find a man worthy of her, but having her here in my arms I know beyond a doubt that we are meant to be together.

That I will love her until my dying breath.

"Did you mean it? What you said?" She asks.

"I mean everything I say to you, but what are you talking about in particular?" I ask.

"When you said you'd burn the world down for me."

"As long as you're mine." I finish and she nods.

"Did you mean it?"

"Every word."

"You almost killed a man for calling me a bitch yesterday." She says and I growl out of frustration.

"I would have, too. If you hadn't stopped me." I say and she looks up at me with wide, doe like eyes.

"None of that." She says firmly and I huff in disappointment.

"Fine." I snap and she gets a little smile on her face.

"Will you stay with me tonight? I don't want to be alone." She says quietly, like she's embarrassed by the admission.

"I'll stay anywhere with you whenever you want." I say and I feel rather than see her smile. We stand for a moment as I hold her, enjoying her closeness. She sighs a little and her body relaxes into me so I lead her towards the bed.

"Come here, sweet girl." I murmur, swinging her into my arms and tucking her into bed. I slip in with her, snatching her and pulling her close to me.

She rubs her face against my chest and it's so precious I feel my heart expand with affection to the point of it aching. I run my fingers through her hair as we lay quietly together. I try to digest the information she's given me, to deal with the huge swing of emotions.

"Are you hungry, baby?" I ask her quietly and she shrugs. I sneak my hand down to tickle her side until she squirms, her sweet laughter ringing out in the room.

"I asked if you're hungry." I say a little more firmly and she looks up at me with a warm, sleepy expression.

"A little." She says with a small, adorable yawn.

"I'll make you something." I say, going to stand but she grabs onto me.

"Just stay for a few more minutes." She says and I nod, pulling her to rest halfway on top of me. She lets out a contented little sound and all of those years of wanting her come rushing back. I know with absolute certainty I would wait a lifetime for her. No other woman will hold my heart the way she does.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" She asks and I chuckle a little, kissing her forehead as I look deep into those blue eyes that have haunted my dreams for the last four years.

"How much I love you." I say and she gets a little frown on her face and sighs.

"You don't even know me anymore, Hux. You don't know that you love me." She says and I shake my head firmly.

"I know I do. And I'll show you every single chance you'll give me." I say and she nods a little before snuggling back into me.

"Let's just take things one day at a time." She murmurs.

I can work with that.