《Rebirth of Fa Wei Lan》Prologue: I Want To Live

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I am dying - it was inevitable. The poison given to me over the course of several months have spread throughout my veins and seep through my bones. I was alone. There was not one single person to hold me, to comfort me, or to cry for me... I am all alone...

I was a fool.

Hou Rong - my husband, the man I fought to love, fought to marry; in the end, forgotten my existence. I have done everything he wished for a ideal woman. He liked music - so I forced myself to learn the guqin until my finger bleed. He liked the art of dancing - so I forced my feet, legs, arms, and hands to move until my body collapse. He likes Go - so I studied until my mind goes numb. I had sacrificed everything that I knew he hated in a woman. Horses riding - the one thing my father taught me, the one thing I love, but for him, I have gave up because he preferred his woman in carriages. I have gave up on myself - my own dignity to be with him as a concubine when I should have been the official wife. I did it all because I loved him. And yet, he never touched me, hold me, or loved me. I wasted my entire life loving him only to be ridicule by a wife he taken officially after me. Worst, the wife ended up being my younger cousin. My own cousin poisoned me - ruthlessly for months until it finally ate through my heart.

"So many fishes in the sea..." He once said.

I am an absolute fool.

I've clipped my own wings to be with a fish, only to have my love cruelly toss aside. It was a mistake - To change myself for someone else who didn't even want me. To trust and be betrayed by the one whom I considered my own blood family. I couldn't even cry. I was too ashamed to cry. This was the life I chose. This was my ending.

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Staring into darkness, I could only remember the day when my father and mother passed away. My parents were on their way back to the Qin Province when their ship met a storm. I was only 10 years old then. My father was the eldest son and because I was his only child, I was next in line as Heir. Because of this, my father's 3 younger brothers fought to gain guardianship over me. I had chosen my father's youngest brother and with that decision I came into contact with Hou Rong. 15 years later, my decision leads me to my death. I chose the uncle with the daughter who killed me for a man.

"Mother... father... " With my last breath, I closed my eyes.

If only I could chose again - if only I can live again. I never want to love so desperately - so blindly like I had. I never want to lose myself for someone else. I never, ever want to be a fool again. I want to be stronger. I want to be smarter. I want to smile. I want to laugh.

"I want to live..."

I only want to live peacefully.

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