Second update today!!!

Rose

I sit in bed, waiting for Ryder to bring the onion rings over.

We decided for our last day at the hotel we'll spend it here binging movies. The last day before I leave.

Happy thoughts...

I giggle and flop back on the bed thinking of last night and this morning.

Yesterday after we had dinner, Ryder rented a motorcycle and took us around the city with it.

I can't say it's the first time I'd been on one of those but it's was the first time I felt happy on one.

My father would usually take me on his bike to go make deals or finish them. It mostly always ended with my father coming out the building with bloody hands or blood splattered on his clothes.

I remember once I was about 10 years old and he had just got done with one of his deals. His hands were soaked, dripping in blood, as if he has just ripped someone's heart out with his bare hands. He walked up to me and smiled. A bright, big smile, one I hadn't seen on him since I was 4 probably. So I started laughing and smiling back.

He brought a blood soaked finger to my cheek and wiped it slowly down the side of my face. I froze.

"One day you'll take care of the family too. You'll have so much fun, after all, my blood runs in you." He still had the strangest smile on. His eyes looked like he was high on crack.

I'll never forget how frightened I was that day. It's the day I gained a vague understanding of how fucked up he was. Is.

I take a deep breath and rub my hands up and down my arms to calm to the goosebumps that have just spread on them.

Positive things.

I think back to this morning trying to wash away the crawling feeling all over my skin.

Ryder woke up and held me as usual, but this time he told me he wanted to spend every second of the day with me.

A warm feeling surrounds me and suddenly, the horrible feelings that accompany any memory of my father, vanish.

I chuckle.

It's funny how love changes you. I honestly used to think love was a cage.

The man screaming you belong to me, and the woman thinking because of his words, he loves her.

I just think of insecurity when I hear those words. My mom fell for it too. The whole, if a man is overly-possessive and not understanding, he wants you so bad, he's probably isn't thinking straight, bullshit.

When does that become overbearing and mentally abusive? When did it break my mom? When was the 'love' not enough to cover up the problems?

I swallow.

Ryder used to be stupid like that too, but I feel like he's grown and knows when things are right and wrong. He's cute now.

If I hear a 'you're mine' it's playful and lovable. Not demanding. His possessiveness is reasonable now and he's not threatening to beat people up for looking at me anymore. He gets jealous but expresses it to me in ways that don't cause me to be uncomfortable. I like it when he's all like 'you're mine' because he gets that he's mine too. The feelings are mutual. Caleb is an extreme case though, so if he beats his ass, I'll join him.

He listens to me and knows when I'm not feeling myself. He respects me and my decisions, like a real man.

Nothing like my father.

His possessiveness felt like prison bars. My mom looked trapped and she was. It was like she was fighting herself, asking if this was what love was or not. If he got jealous, he would yell and beat her saying it was her fault. That she was a slut and she needed to close her legs.

He did love her, but that love turned into obsession and it lost what made it love. Mutual happiness, care, and respect.

That's why my mom agreed to run away with me that day. She knew what was gone, but I guess she couldn't live without the illusion, though.

I scoff, looking up at the ceiling, thinking back to those times, when she broke.

How fucking sad I was.

I-

"Rose! The wings are done! Come get them out the oven. I'm working on the onions for the onion rings and I can't see anything! It hurts!" Ryder shouts from the kitchen.

I chuckle.

Leave it to him to change my mood in moments. Again.

"Coming!" I shout, hopping off the bed and jogging into the kitchen.

"Coming? Without me? That's not fair." Ryder says with tear-stained eyes, smirking.

I snicker.

"You don't have to cry about it." I bend down and throw on some mittens, opening the oven and grabbing the platter. I hold the tips of it, even with the heat resistant gloves and place it gently on the white marble table, in the dining room, right outside the kitchen.

I hear Ryder scoff.

I take a deep wif, and exhale loudly.

For being an amateur at this, it sure did come out better than expected. Cookbooks might be my new bestfriends.

I go back in the kitchen and see tears dipping from Ryder's face.

"Can you read the recipe out loud? These onions are making it hard to do anything." He complains.

I look down at the huge pile of circle cut onions and amusement fills me. They're my favorite snack so we had to make them. Ryder likes hot wings so they're here too.

"Why didn't you just make the wings like I told you? That's what you get." I chuckle, lightly brushing by his arm.

"They seemed easier when we were looking at the recipes earlier." He whines.

"That's cause it is easy, move over, go find us some movies to binge." I push at him but he doesn't budge.

"My father taught me to always finish what I start. I can't quit now."

His father...? I haven't heard much about his parents.

"Have you told him about us?" I asks, leaning into him.

"He's dead. I told my mom, though. You'll meet her soon." He shrugs and continues chopping as if he didn't just drop a huge bomb.

"...do you want to talk about it?" I ask, looking for any signs of sorrow on his face. I find none.

He laughs.

"Of course you'd be the only one not to say sorry when I say my dad's dead." He smiles.

"Saying sorry in this situation is like saying 'I pity you' and I don't want anyone to pity me, so unless you want it, I won't give you it." I say, matter-a-fact.

I remember all those teachers and adults who knew my father, looking down at me with pity. That's all they had to offer. I hated it. I still do.

"I'm glad. I didn't want to see you give me that look. Anyone but you. I guess that's why I told now, when I can't see your reaction, weak right?" He says softly.

"Don't ever think you're weak. You don't always have to be the tough guy, that'll drive you crazy. It's ok to be a little exposed with me, I'm not gonna judge you. Sometimes looking away is the only way to protect yourself and that's as strong as you need to be." I throw my arms around him and hug him tight.

He drops the knife and onions, holding me just as tight.

"Thank you for coming into my life." He says, a bit muffled by my hair. I feel guilt try to crawl up my spine but I push it down.

I'm staying in his life. I'll do everything to make sure I do.

"Thank you for saving mine."

He pulls back to look at me and I kiss him, pulling him right back into my arms, where I want him.

His hands messes up my hair and mine tug at his, and suddenly the draft of the wings catch my attention.

I smell the aroma and push back from Ryder.

"I'm hungry, let's eat already, hurry up and go finish the onion rings." I whine.

"But we were..." I shake my head.

"...about to watch a bunch of movies and eat. That sounds so fun. I'll go pick the movies. Go finish the food." I shoo him away.

He pouts.

"You always do this..." He mutters, walking back to the cutting board.

I watch him as he goes and wave when he looks back.

Turning, I exhale and put my hand over my heart as I go back to the bed, picking up the remote on my way.

My heart pounds quickly and I sit, immediately putting my head in my hands.

I swear, one day I'll fuck him. Hard.

Hopefully after all this comes to past. This can't be our last day together.

I gasp.

I spit out twice to the sides of me, not caring what's around me.

Saying, even thinking, this situation will end well, could ruin everything. A jinx is a jinx and I can't afford to have anything against me right now.

Everything feels so fragile, I'm scared it'll shatter.

______________________________________

789k

1/30/19

But anywayssss...

Sorry an author never tells her secrets.

I'm either updating 3 days from now or when I hit 1k which I know I keep mentioning and i feel bad but im just saying not trying to gain anything.

+++If i made a blog with more of my books and books reviews and stuff on it would you guys check it out? I'm thinking of making one and an insta after I finish this book. I just need you guys's opinions so please comment.

Anyways it's 5:20pm right now where I am.... Where are you guys right now? Where do my readers come from? I'd love to know.

Ive asked you all a lot this chapter but hopefully a few of you answer.

Love you guys and thx sooooo much for the support.

Ciao.