"Oh my gosh, I just loooooove this!" Hetty is gushing loudly over a soft yellow blanket. Okay, it's soft. It's a nice shade of pale yellow, I guess. But, it's just a blanket. I think it might actually be the third blanket that she has now been gifted at this baby shower, but Hetty is politely acting as though it's the best blanket in the entire world. She then excitingly starts unwrapping yet another present, just like an impatient child would. "I wonder what this could be?" She's looking over at her work friend, all wide-eyed with girlish curiosity. With the wrapping now completely gone from the smallish box, Hetty's fingers begin to lift the cardboard flaps. "Ooooo, it's a wonderful GroEgg!"

I'll be honest, my interest is slowly (but ever so discreetly) beginning to wane. If I see yet another fleece blanket or plush baby toy, I might just need to scream into the big pile of baby towels Hetty has so far been gifted this evening. When I didn't think things could possibly get any weirder, my dearest friend has now excitedly just pulled a silicone thing from a box that actually looks like it would be more at home at an Ann Summers party. I mean, what in the world is a GroEgg?

"What's that?" Mum nudges my shoulder, her nose all wrinkled up with her question to me.

My face drops, almost laughing because my mother is actually asking me. "Why would I know?"

Mum looks at me, with a sudden seriousness across her mature face. "You're clever. You know a lot of stuff."

Amused by our conversation, Hetty puts us both out of our GroEgg misery. "It's a night light with a thermometer," she happily informs us while smiling down at it, holding the dome-shaped thing like it is made from the most exquisite of silicones in all of the British Isles. "Thank yooooou so much, Andrea. It's just what we need." Smiling across to the girl who she works with, Hetty is genuinely pleased with the kinky-looking light. And oddly, Andrea looks just as pleased.

Okay, I get it, people are beyond excited about Hetty and Will's baby. For those who love babies, it's a pretty exciting time, I guess. And as thrilled as I am for my beloved friend, I just can't seem to get all ga-ga over night lights, soft blankets, towel bales, cuddly toys and noisy rattles. But I'm here. I am here for my dearest Hetty. For as much as I am squirming my way through this entire baby shower, I am keeping myself here for only her.

Her sister Amelie, now thrusts her own gift to Hetty, seemingly just as bored as I am with night lights and things. "Here is mine and Stuart's present to you guys." Amelie has five more years of life experience over her sister, and they've always been very close. I feel that motherhood is only going to increase their sibling closeness that they happen to share together. With her own boisterous little toddler to care for, I know that Amelie has already been a great source of advice and tips to a pregnant and soon-to-be-mum Hetty.

With eager hands, my excited friend begins to unwrap her sister's gift. With this present, her eyes become even more wider and her gasps are even more louder. "You've got us the baby wrap carrier that we wanted?"

Amelie nods, sisterly pride there so obviously on her face, a pride that she shares with hers and Hetty's mum, Joan. "We knew it was what you both wanted...so now, you have it." Hetty wants to get up to cuddle her sister, but her pregnant bump prevents her from doing so. Instead, Amelie rushes over to hug Hetty affectionately hard. "It's our pleasure, sis." Then emotionally sits back to where she was seated before.

Joan and Gordon, Hetty's dad, have already helped towards the cost of a 2-in-1 fancy pram, but Joan is still wanting to give a little something else to her daughter at this baby shower. "Your dad and I wanted you to have this, too." With motherly gentleness, she then places just a small gift-wrapped box on top of Hetty's pregnancy bump with a smile.

Again, Hetty begins to unwrap her present. Maybe it's the smallness of the gift, or maybe it's because this gift is from her parents, that makes Hetty open it in a far more tender way. Her fingers are being so slow and so careful as they peel away the flimsy layers of the pale blue tissue paper. But eventually, a box does come into view. It's so quiet as Hetty lifts the lid of it, none of us wanting to interrupt the excitement of whatever is inside of that small pearlescent box. "Oh Mum." Sounding choked up a little, Hetty lifts out a circular silver trinket; showing it off to us all. "It's a first tooth and first curl keepsake box."

Really? Do people really keep such strange things? Is my little inner wonder to myself. Like my mum has just developed this scary I know what you're thinking superpower or something, she nudges against me with a knowing smile. "They're lovely things to keep. I've still got yours somewhere." Then she smiles some more, before settling her eyes back on Hetty and Joan, who are now having a little mother/daughter cuddle moment. And it's while my mum is watching them both embrace, that I feel my insides being pricked with little stings of regret. I don't think I have ever hugged my mum like that, and I swear I can see a wishful look in my mother's eyes, like she wishes that I would hug her like that.

Feeling restless, regretful and maybe even a little out of my depth right now, I pick up my present and almost dangle it in front of Hetty's face once her mum has sat back down again. The sooner she opens my present, the sooner I can get out of here. "Okay, next prezzie!" Is my choral way of encouraging my friend to do just that.

"Thank you, B." Her brown eyes are sparkling, all bright with happiness as she takes from me the A4 sized silver wrapped present.

I know I'm feeling a little lost at this baby shower, but it gives me great joy to see my sweet friends smile bloom across her face on account of the gift I have got her. "Wow! This is wonderful, B!" Hetty's expression is glowing with delight while she reads the glossy brochure that's being held between her fingers. "Look everyone, it's a Newborn Family Photoshoot." With pregnant pride, she starts showing everyone else the front cover of the photography brochure. "This really is wonderful. Thank you." Again, she struggles to rise from her seat, so I hurry to where she is, so we can fondly embrace. And it is while we are embracing, that Hetty whispers into my ear. "You've spent far too much, but I love it anyway."

Maybe my gift was a little extravagant, but Hetty means the world to me. This baby is one hell of a lucky bubba to have her as its mummy, and Hetty is one of those girls who loves to photograph everything, so I knew that she would appreciate the newborn photoshoot.

And if H is happy, I am happy.

Okay, I admit to still being pricked with those little stings of regret over my mum, and I am still feeling strangely overwhelmed with my lack of enthusiasm over fleece blankets, baby towels and that silicone thingamajig. What can I say? I just don't get excited about all this kind of stuff. Babies, just aren't my thing. So being here, amongst all of the baby paraphernalia and having to listen to all of the baby-filled conversations—leaves me feeling a little detached and guilty.

Detached: because I just can't seem to drum up the same amount of enthusiasm and interest.

Guilty: because I truly cannot drum up that enthusiasm and interest.

Maybe there's something wrong with me?

Do the vast majority of 26 year old women have wombs that wistfully ache at the mere sight or mention of babies?

This is all new on me. I've never been amongst so many women who are getting all cross-eyed and gooey over so much baby stuff. It's an eye-opener, for sure. I think I can safely say, I shan't be wanting to go to another baby shower anytime soon. They make me feel like an anti-baby alien. "Right then, ladies...who is up for a game of Lust or Labour?"

My thoughts loudly shout out their SOS to me. "You can play on, I just need the loo." Is my quick excuse. Nope, I can't be looking at random faces of women and guessing whether they have a head coming out of their vagina or an erection going into it....nope, not happening!