Rachel's POV

"I know that there are still a lot of things that I carry with me every day but I can't seem to leave it behind," he said with soft voice.

"I carry so much resentment, Rachel. I carry resentment for everything in my life. I don't even know where to begin telling you," he choked out with more tears streaming down his face. This was the hidden side of Alexander who always had his tough act on.

"It's okay," I cooed. "Start at the beginning," I said gently.

He nodded and wiped his face. "Before my parents died, they gave me the world. Although mum was hated by dad's family, it never affected us. When I say that I had the best mum in the world I mean it. There wasn't a thing that she didn't do for me. She loved me so much." It seemed that he was reminiscing the past as he spoke about his mother. I smiled at how he was lost in a daze thinking about her.

"William was my dad's younger brother. He was always the jealous type, he still is. Dad and grandpa were like two peas in a pod. Best friends and grandpa was the best mentor for dad. It was the father-son relationship I dreamed of having."

I ran my fingers through his hair trying to provide some warmth and comfort for him.

"I was around 12 years old when things changed. Mom, dad and I were getting back from a little family vacation. It was the best holiday of my entire life. I remember we went to the Canary Islands. Grandpa was finally warming up to mom hence he allowed dad to use his jet. It was so sudden when everything happened. I will never forget that day. It was barely five minutes until we would land when the engines failed and the parachutes dropped."

By now Alexander was deep into memory lane remembering his most painful experience. I attentively listened to him still running my fingers through his hair.

"Everything is such a blur but mum shoved me in the back of the plane. She hugged me tightly with tears streaming down her face while dad looked at me frightened out of his mind trying to help the pilot. I remember her telling me how I was her strong boy and that she'll always look out for me. She protected me, Rachel. She held me tightly as she shielded me from the plane crash. I didn't even get to say goodbye to dad..."

I wiped the tears from his cheeks and kissed his forehead softly. This was so hard for him but I know that he needs to talk about everything. It eats him up every day.

"That's how I got this scar. It's mostly faded, but you can still see it," he said and touched the scar on his face that ran all the way past his neck.

"Life was horrible after that. I stayed with grandpa for a bit until I recovered but one day I overheard him talking to William. I should have known that he would have been up to something, he always had it in for my dad. I was stupid to not see it sooner but grandpa was addressing the fact that what he did to his brother would make him rot in hell."

I gasped at his statement, the pieces finally clicking as to why he held hatred for William.

"It didn't take a genius to figure out that William strategically planned for the engines to cut off five minutes before our landing time began. He wanted to ensure that there would be absolutely no time to get figure out a solution. Therese was his girlfriend at the time who assisted him with everything, Unfortunately for them, my mother protected me with her life," he laughed out bitterly.

"Life became bleak after that. I was only 12, but I felt way older than that. Everything dad owned I inherited. With that money, I left staying at the estate. I hopped between hotels, motels and dorms until I was 18 years old when my parent's insurance finally paid me out. I couldn't bring myself to live in one place or in an apartment all by myself. Everything was so lonely."

I went down on the floor next to my breaking Alexander and wrapped my arms around him. I couldn't do much to rid him if the pain except be there for him.

"I changed schools so frequently. I drowned myself in alcohol, drugs, sex... I experimented with every narcotic available. I was a mess for so many years, princess. You have no idea. Sometimes I'd find myself waking up in random parts of the city high as a fucking kite. Got arrested so many times too."

Alexander looked up at me with scared eyes and a hesitant expression. I smiled at him and shook my head lightly. "I'm not judging you, don't worry about that."

"I had just graduated high school and I went out partying so hard that I overdosed on heroin. I found myself in a hospital with my stomach being pumped clean from over consumption of alcohol and some other drugs. It was that moment when my life flashed before my eyes that I decided to stop all my shit. Eventually I put myself in rehab for a few weeks before I ran away. Then by a miracle I got accepted into university. My life was fine for the most of it but the resentment always stuck."

We sat in silence for a few moments. I looked over at Alexander frequently to see him staring at the ground with dried up tears on his face.

"Liam then came into my life, he was the support I needed. After I got my degree, with the insurance money that I still had left, I bought a local mine for the thrill of it. Things got better from there. I had a flair for business management so things snowballed quite easily for me."

Alexander sucked in a deep breath and turned his head towards me. His eyes widened and even though we were sitting on the floor, he brought me over his lap and wiped my face. "No, no, I didn't mean to make you cry, princess."

"Huh?" I said cluelessly until I touched my face only to realise that I also was crying. "Oh, I didn't realise..." I wiped my cheeks so that he didn't have to see me cry.

Alexander needed some time to recuperate so I sat patiently on his lap playing with his hand as I waited for him to continue.

"Even when grandma died, I didn't return to the mansion. I last saw her when I was 12 and although she occasionally called to check on me, nobody ever bothered to visit me. I was on my own and I lived with it. I beared it because liked mum said, I was strong. I only returned to the mansion after grandpa hounded me for 2 years to visit him."

Alexander chose that exact moment to brings his lips forward and kiss me deeply. My hands immediately went around his neck and kissed him back with equal fervour because I missed him. I missed him so much.

He pulled away before we got carried away and rested his forehead against mine. "That's the one thing I don't regret. Standing at the foyer looking at you hold that stinking pot of wax polish, I was mesmerised with you, these pretty brown eyes had cast a spell on me," he said with a small smile. "I couldn't wait to find out more about you. I liked you from the second I saw you and William's words only fueled the already brewing desire I had for you. I knew you were the one for me and I would have done anything to have you."

"So I would've ended up with you one way or another?" I jested trying to lighten up the mood.

Alexander let out a chuckle and hugged me tightly. After a while I pulled back and held his face, looking deep into his eyes that showed a level of vulnerability only for me.

"I don't believe in love, Rachel. I don't know how to love. I'm sorry if that's what you expect from me but love doesn't exist in my world. I can't give that to you either..."

I again shook my head at him indicating that he didn't have to elaborate on this. I understood that he was only a man deprived of love after his parents had ruthlessly been taken away from this world. We didn't have to delve too deep into this now. I knew deep down in my heart that Alexander was capable of love. For me, his actions spoke louder than his words.

"Thank you for sharing all of that with me. I know it wasn't easy for you. But I want you to know that I won't judge you for the things you've done or the things that have happened to you. We'll work on this together, okay?"

He looked up with eyes that disagreed. "I can't expect you to go through this with me, Rachel. Just leave me to deal with it. I'm fine."

I placed my hands lovingly on his shoulders and rubbed up and down. "You're not fine and neither do you have to hide it from me. We're married, Alexander. We're as good as one and we'll get through this together."

How could anyone be fine after experiencing all of that? Nobody can magically heal from all the trauma. I just wish Alexander had shared all of this sooner with me.

He nodded at my urging eyes and I let out a relieved sigh.

"If we're going to be honest from now on then I guess I should come clean about everything," he said and shame immediately morphed his face.

I wasn't going to force him to do anything, it's been a long night. "Only if you want to."

"I've done some horrible things in my past, Rachel. I was a different man before getting myself sorted out. The drinking and drugs made me do things that I never thought I was capable of. I don't want to go into details, because I'm a changed man now. I promise you I've changed for the better." Alexander looked at me with scared eyes, pleading for me to not judge him.

"I believe you. You're the only person who had ever been good to me in a very long time. Apart from our mishaps, I see a good man in you, one that I can spend my life with." I placed my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes resting for a minute.

"We all have a past, Alexander. Some uglier than others, but it's who you are now that truly matters. Everything that life threw at you shaped you into who you are today and I'm thankful for that. We can't be perfect, but we can work on bettering ourselves. And sharing all of this with me was the first step in doing so. "

Alexander sighed and ran his hand over his face.

"Then I should tell you that it was Therese and William who slashed your car that night. In return, I sent someone to do the same to them. Liam and I also have an ongoing investigation going through several of my mines for sabotage hence I've been scarce around here. We figured out that a man by the name of Tomasso Villardi is behind the blasts. Nothing to worry about though, just business threats that I can handle. What else..." he trailed of thinking deep in thought.

"One last thing, I don't tell you this often, but I'm very proud of how you're getting through school, princess," he said with a lopsided grin.