Deana, Blake, Amir and Julia were sprawled out all over the living room as I tucked myself into a corner of the couch with the side of my head resting against a pillow. We were watching a movie that I wasn't paying much attention too with a whole feast of junk food laid out in front of us.

I had returned home from the hospital a few days ago and I was really happy when they decided to pay me a visit. Even more so when each of them took turns every day to stop by and brief me on what I had missed out in school. It was only a few days until the end of the semester, so I wasn't missing out on much.

"This show is basically soft porn with a shitty story line," Julia muttered and scrunched up her nose.

Deana and Blake were sitting far away from each other and I could sense the tension between them even though they tried their best to hide it.

"This is the last time we let you choose," Amir mumbled towards Julia and rolled his eyes at the tv screen. He grabbed the remote and started browsing for something else to watch.

Deana grabbed herself some chocolate and huddled up close to me. I smiled at her and shared my blanket.

"I have something to show you," she whispered excitedly and quickly looked over at Blake who was already asleep on the far end of the couch.

She moved her long blonde hair from her neck and I was met with the sight of such a beautiful and enchanting necklace. It was a stunning teardrop diamond necklace.

"He gave this to me!" she whispered happily.

My eyes widened when I realised who the he was. "The professor guy? Jacques Lemeiux?"

Deanna nodded enthusiastically and smiled every time she looked down at it. I was happy for her, regardless of the circumstances. She wasn't doing anything wrong since Blake and her weren't committed to each other.

Thankfully Amir had chosen a much better action filled movie that we seemed to enjoy and after a wonderful evening spent together, they had left.

I walked my friends out and proceeded to clean up the living room. Much to my chagrin, Alexander chose that moment to appear in the living room. I was still mad at him. We haven't spoken for a very long time and neither did he apologise as yet.

He was looking at me apprehensively and opened his mouth several times to talk but then closed it. He let out a heavy sigh and finally spoke.

"Can we talk?"

"No," I said sharply and set the cushions properly on the couch.

"Please?"

I glared at him. "I'm not in the mood. Leave me alone." I walked past him and went upstairs into the bedroom. I needed to shower and change the dressing on my wound.

Alexander followed me to the bedroom and harshly shut the door behind him. "We're talking now, Rachel," he demanded and pulled me to the sofa to sit down next to him. "Just hear me out, okay." He looked at me with pleading eyes that held some pain and regret in them. Nobody could fake that hence I decided to listen to him. I reluctantly nodded and waited for him to continue.

He held my hands in his and placed them on his lap holding tightly. "I'm sorry. It was never my intention to hurt you. It was an accident and I'm really sorry," he choked out as his voice struggled to stay even. He rubbed his finger over my wedding rings and stared at it for a few seconds.

"I didn't feel like an apology would cut it. Sorry fixes nothing in my world. Sorry does nothing for me that's why it took me this long to apologise. I hope you can forgive me because I wouldn't want you to ever get hurt again."

I pulled out my hands from his grip and out some distance between us. It was a whole lot more than simply the accident that happened in his study.

"You don't get it do you?" I said with a little annoyance. "It isn't only about what happened with me in your study. Alexander there is so many factors that bother you on a daily and I'm honestly getting sick of it."

I stood up and went to the window peering outside. "I don't understand why you have it out to hurt people around you. You're so harsh, so cruel sometimes and you scare me. You unknowingly hurt me too, whether it be holding me too tight in my sleep or spilling out mean words that you don't think twice about."

I watched him looking at me incredulously contemplating my words. "Like I said, I never meant to hurt you, Rachel. I would never even dream of such. As for hurting others, I only inflict pain on them because they deserve it."

I huffed out loud frustrated that he still failed to understand me. "Alexander, people will always hurt you no matter what. That's just how the world is. But that doesn't mean you need to add them to your vengeance list. You don't have to devise sick plans at work and at home to get back at people."

Alexander was beginning to feel aggravation, he was trying hard to hold it in and not explode on me. "I don't understand you at all. I just don't, Rachel. How the fuck can you still feel satisfied and be gracious when the world has literally given you nothing for as long as you can remember? At 5 years old you were abandoned and you hold no resentment? Most of those people who work in Ashford and Co. have had better lives than you since they were born and yet you still don't want them to feel what you did? You don't want William and Therese to suffer for how they had insulted you?"

"No. Of course not. Nobody deserves to suffer like that. Life's unfair sometimes but rock bottom teaches you lessons mountain tops never will. As for resentment, I do hold an immense amount for Carina. However that doesn't mean I need to act upon it."

He rubbed his hands over his face exasperated. "What do you really want to say to me, Rachel?"

I went back to the sofa and sat by him. Before this conversation was over I was determined to have some sort of understanding between us. "Undoubtedly I care for you. You know that," I said softly and stared into his eyes that was beginning to show a flicker of vulnerability.

"Don't go through with your stupid plan that will impact so many innocent people. You're more than your hate for William and Therese. I don't know what they did since you refuse to tell me but I fail to see how destroying them would repair the hole in your heart." I placed my hand on his cheek rubbing tenderly. "Deep down, you're not that harsh, Alexander," I whispered sincerely meaning every word I said.

"But I am! I am harsh, Rachel!" he exclaimed with a voice full of pain. "It's all I know. I don't know how to turn away from it. It's all I fucking know and the best part is that I love to see them fall thanks to my doing. I'll admit, I get a sense of euphoria out of it."

I shook my head frantically in disagreement. That wasn't truly Alexander no matter how much he believed it. "No. No that's not you. There are times when you relish in such but there are times when you let go of everything and unravel for me."

"You don't know what you're talking about," he quickly said in a clipped tone trying to avoid everything.

"Then tell me, Alexander! Be honest with me, please. I'm tired of playing the guessing game with you," I sighed loudly finally exasperated at how our relationship constantly goes back and forth. "Be honest with me."

He had his head in his hands all this while looking down at the ground. He looked up at me with glassy eyes and I immediately jumped wrapping arms around him tightly. "Don't cry," I whispered holding him tightly. "You'll get through this, Alexander. Talk to me."

He took a few minutes to himself and I simply gave him my shoulder to cy on. I held him whispering soothing words into his ear because at this moment he was a man in immense pain. He let go of me and took a seat on the floor in front of me, resting his head on my lap like a little boy who was yearning for affection.