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Beth

"Will be there in 20?" The message from Dean reads. My brain says I should text back saying 'I will rip your balls off if you come over' or 'I am not a sex toy, you could come over and use me as and when you please' or at least a simple 'No'. But I don't. I squat next to my bed and pull out the white powder that I stacked under nearly three months ago when Dean ripped my heart for the nth time. I told myself that I am done with Dean and I am going to get my life back together. I cleaned up, battled withdrawals and even improved my grades. One text from him and I am snorting lines and lines of coke.

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I let Dean treat me like trash? Why do I set myself up knowing that it's only a matter of time before Dean will run back to Sherley leaving me in limbo? Why? l have asked myself the same question a million times but I couldn't come up with an answer that I can use to justify myself. When it came to Dean, I was a masochist. I let him use me and discard me without any fight.

It's ironic considering I am the Queen Bee in my cliche high school. I am the daughter of one of the wealthiest family in town. My dad is a typical workaholic who gave me money for everything he missed in my life, be it the birthday, Christmas or the recital. My mom is a 40 something who could not accept the concept of ageing and spent more time with her plastic surgeon than her only daughter.

In a typical Queen bee fashion, I waltzed in the halls of "Jefferson High" like the Queen herself. My parents donated millions to the school every year making me royalty around here. Thanks to my mom's amazing genes, I could easily be a supermodel. My life was right out of Hollywood high school movies fancy cars, designer clothes, hot boys, parties and drama. And I was in the centre of it all. I loved it. Enjoyed it and craved it. Even though I had everything, I didn't have the one thing I wanted more than anything. Dean and his love.

Dean is royalty too. He is the hot rich bad boy everyone wanted. The captain of the football team. The boy who has the mysterious aura with a golden heart. Except when it came to me. This Golden heart had no qualm breaking mine. He was my first Friend. Kiss. Sex. Love. Everything. I wanted to be his everything too. I was his first Friend. Kiss and Sex but Love.. that was Sherley. His family chauffeur's daughter.

I want to be a better human and say I didn't hate her. But I am not. I am just human and I hate her with the ferocious of a thousand sun. I hate that she plays him like a fiddle and he dances to it. I hate that they fight for silly reasons and Dean comes running to me. I hate that I let him in even when I know she will reel him back in no time. I hate that he is my weakness and Sherley is his.

As I numb my logical brain, I tell myself this is it. My final attempt at winning over Dean. If he leaves me this time. I am done. I will go far away from this awful love triangle I put myself in. As I hear Deans Ferrari pull in, I tell myself to stay strong. Its do or die.