Author's Notes:

Thanks for the 10 view and thanks to f Holyshitu for the comment. I dedicate this character to you. Thank you for the encouragement

There are some adult stuff in this part but I have tried to mellow it down as much as possible. Please let me know what you think.

Please suggest a song for this chapter

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I am off the ground and my back is held pressed to his front. I try to move my arms and legs but the movement is weak and does nothing to him. He is twice my size. While I am 5 and a half feet tall and weigh only 100 pounds, the man is more than 6 ft and muscular like wrestlers. He might have 250 pounds on him. I am no match to him in strength. Yet I try to kick and punch and scream.

My hand bag falls in the struggle, spelling everything out and making some noise. I hope the noise gets someone's attention. But nothing seems to happen. I continue to struggle for few more minutes. I can feel the last of my energy burn away to get free. He waits it out as he holds me pressed to his body. My hands and legs give out with only the tears falling freely.

"Are you done yet?", he whispers into my ears. I can smell alcohol and garlic on his breath. There is a rasp in his voice that I am sure I have heard before.

"We could have done it the easy way", he says again a little louder. And this time I recognize him. Matt. He is a regular at the bar. He has one of those scary faces which says do not mess with me.

"I have tried to buy you a drink, ask you out, offer you ride but you just had to keep ignoring me", his voice gets louder. He had flirted with me a couple of times. But I have never flirted back. Its not because I didn't want to. I am a horrible flirt. I wish I knew how to flirt. I could make a few extra dollars in tips. Every time I try to flirt it, my nerves catch up and I make it all awkward. And anyway I was not interested in him so I always kept it professional.

"You have been teasing me for months with these short tight dresses. Haven't you?"

He is not wrong. My dress is extremely short. It barely covers my ass. But for what I lack in flirting, I am trying to make it up with my body. I am on display for a few dollars. I am ashamed but its not like I am selling my body. I have told that to myself every time I have looked into the mirror. I don't have much of self esteem right now and I not even sure how I would handle losing more and more dignity everyday.

"I am done playing games with you", he says like its my fault that I have been dragged into a dark alleyway, soon to be abused. As the thought creeps in, I understand the gravity of the situation and What is about to happen to me in few minutes. It is not an attempt for my money. It an attempt to strip me off the last bit of dignity and self respect. And I understand I have no way to stop it from happening. My body goes numb. This is it. I have reached rock bottom. All the fight leaves my body as I mentally feel like I have reached the rock bottom.

"I will remove my hands from your mouth now. If you dare make a noise. I will slit your throat in seconds", he warns me before he removes his hand that covered my mouth. I should scream and fight back, but I am limp, hanging onto him. He stuffs a piece of cloth into my mouth.

I remain lifeless as he pushes my dress and slides my panties down my thighs. I remain still as he rubs me. I remain numb as we kisses my shoulder. I tell myself to feel nothing. Not the way he intrudes me or not the way he roughly takes me. Everything hurts. It always hurt everywhere when I thought about Ethan but that was nothing compared to the physical pain I am enduring now. Yet I remain frozen.

I feel him come inside me. His breath is harsh. He holds he until be regains his baring and then lets me go. I fall on the floor like a sack of potatoes. I am still dazed and detached. I can hear him fastening his pants as I stare at the floor unsure what I should do now. My brain says I should probably run before he or someone else does it again. But my body is paralyzed and doesn't seem to get the message.

I feel something light touch my shoulders and fall next to me. "Thats 100 dollars. Thats how much I usually pay. Get an after pill. I don't want any little surprises. Understood", he orders and leaves. As I process his words, a tears roll down my cheeks consequently catching up with what had just happened. My stomach rolls and I remove the rug had was stuffed in my mouth so I can puke the few fries that I had eaten at the bar. I retch every bit of food and stomach acid, leaving me heaving.

After a few minutes, I pull my knees to the chest and cave into a ball as a sob breaks out. I cry for the girl who is scared. For the girl who wants someone to hold her tight and say everything will be fine but has none. For the girl who is fighting with everything everyday and but yet she couldn't fight the most important battle. For the girl who wants to cry a little more, get everything out but her tears has dried up just like her spirit. So I stay caved and shivering. Its not a cold night but my body has endured enough and has decided to protest. I don't move an inch. I hear a vehicle pass by on the street. I know its nearly dawn. I should leave get home, get some rest and get to work at the Cafe by 7. Even if I don't go to work, its not like anyone will come looking for me. As I comprehend how alone I am, an old memory triggers.

I was 9 years old. Old enough to understand the concept of death and being an orphan. There were this young couple who had come to the orphanage on a weekend to give us warm clothes and toys during Christmas. They have also sponsored our Christmas feast that year. As all the amazing food was served, the couple and their families, talked about how their little boy only 4years had died due to Cancer. They said spending the day with us was special for them and helped them cherish his memories. Only a few days later, one of the teenage girl in the orphanage was killed in a road accident. There was a funeral and that's it. No one talked about her after that. No one to cherish her memories even though she had lived many more years that the boy with family.

That is when I realized that if I don't have a family there won't be any one to remember me. I would be like a maple leaf during fall. Nothing significant. One day I am there, the next day gone, no one will look for me or know that I am gone. That is why I was always wanted a family, wanted someone to remember me, someone to look out for me. Today, as I watch the light appear on the sky, I feel so insignificant, lonely and worthless.

The emptiness and hollowness numbs me and I come to term with what had happened. Though not entirely, but enough to move my body. I start collecting my things that had fallen out of my handbag. The 100 dollar bill that Matt threw at me, stares at me, taunts me. I should leave it. But I need it. As my finger touches the crisp bill, a lone tears slide out, followed by a sob. But I don't let myself cry any more. I tuck the money and leave.

As soon as I talk the first step, the sourness between my legs make me loose my baring. Its been a while since I had been with anyone. More like three years. There haven't been anyone after Ethan. I tried ones a few months after the divorce, but I wasn't able to do the deed. I cried only after a few kisses and my date was kind enough not to berate me for it. That was it. I even lost the need. I don't even do it for myself. I was practically a nun.

I push myself to move forward. One step after the other. The physical pain pushes all the other thoughts away and as the sun rises I make it home. I stumble into the shower and try to scrub away any remnant of the night. As i fall back it to my couch which is also my bed, I am pruned. I trace the scar in my left wrist. My previous unsuccessful attempt to end it all. I chickened out after making a not so deep cut. It was just the skin. Maybe I should do it now. The knife is only few feet away in the tiny kitchen in the corner of the match box size studio I have been living. Like a sign, the knife shines as a ray of sunlight falls on it. I am transfixed as I look at the knife. Maybe I am hallucinating. Maybe I have finally lost it. But I feel like the knife is calling me. Its asking me to take the leap. I don't resist or tell myself its stupid. I actually feel relieved knowing it will all end. I will be free from heartache, from hunger, from responsibilities and from everything that is weigh me down. I feel the knife say everything will be alright, no one will miss me and no one is waiting for me. I feel my legs move on it own accord. I sit up and walk towards the the knife which holds the key to my finale.