*Unedited*

*Incompleted*

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It was Monday night and I was about to crawl into bed to go to sleep. I had called Julia yesterday once I had gotten home but she didn't answer. I didn't see her at school either. Maybe her parents had made her go somewhere with them. Or maybe she was just ignoring me. My phone chimed, pulling me out of my thoughts. I picked it up from my night stand and turned on the screen to see a text from my mother. My mood instantly dropped and I felt the familiar pit in my stomach. With a sigh I opened it up.

(no subject)

Image attached

I clicked on it and the picture took a second to download. Once it popped up, I just stared at it open mouthed. Her long thin fingers stretched out in front of her. A beautiful golden sunset laid out behind them but that's not what caught my eye. I stared at the large diamond on her finger that was incased in an intricate golden band.

Another text came though.

'Johnathan proposed last night. Just another thing you'll never have.'

I stared at it with no emotion. They're engaged now. I typed congratulations and my thumb hovered above the send button. I quickly clicked it and shut my phone off. I stared at the black screen for a second before plugging it in and placing it on my side table. I crawled into bed and pulled the covers up to my chin.

I should be happy for her.

Maybe she's finally moved on from my father.

I should be happy for her.

At least she's happy.

She's been through so much, she deserves it, right?

Everyone deserves to be happy.

I should be happy for her.

A tear streaked down my cheek and more followed it. I curled into a ball and even as I tried to stop them, the tears kept coming. My nails dug into my thigh and I raked them down my skin over and over again.

I should be happy for her.

I furiously wiped away the tears but they kept coming back. I sat up and leaned against my head board. I squeezed my eyes shut and brought my hands up to my head as I rocked back and forth.

Just be happy for her.

Why is it so hard to be happy?

My nails dug into my head that suddenly felt light. My leg burned and I could feel my nails piercing my skin again. I slid down back into my bed and tried to steady my breathing.

Why was it so hard?

Why couldn't I just be normal?

Have a normal family who woke you up with eggs, bacon, and pancakes. Have family dinners where my dad asked if there were any boys I was talking to and a mom that teased me when I blushed.

Parents that I would be grossed out by when they would get all lovey dovey but secretly want exactly what they had.

Maybe I'll end up just like my parents. Not my dream parents, the parents that never did any of that. The dad who would get home and drink away his worries. The mom who was never home and was afraid of my father. The parents who would scream at each other until the sun rose or until things got physical.

Maybe I would end up just like them even with me promising myself that I never would. As those thoughts continued trailing through my mind, I eventually drifted off to sleep with wet cheeks and shaking hands.

Why can't I just be normal?

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I was sitting in my closet in a ball. I could hear my parent's downstairs.

Screaming.

Glass shattering.

More screaming.

Footsteps.

Tremors shook my body as I hugged my knees harder.

Please don't come up here.

Please don't find me.

Please don't.

A whimper escaped my throat as I heard the heavy footsteps stomp up the stairs. I held my breath as my door crashed open.

Please don't look in here.

I heard him slamming things around in my room.

"Where the fuck are you?" he roared.

I squeezed my eyes shut as I heard him throw something across my room. The sound of glass shattering rung out.

The closet door flung open right as my eyes did and I looked up to the man standing in front of me. His wild longer than usual hair was stringy with grease and hanging down his face. His eyes were clouded over from the alcohol he had been drinking and the rage. I screamed as he reached down and locked his hand on my arm before yanking me up to my feet.

"You are a coward. Pathetic." He spat in my face and I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"Daddy, please. I didn't do anything." My small voice rung out.

Mistake.

His eyes darkened and he threw me backwards into the wall.

"It's all your fault! None of this would have happened if you were never born. You ruined everything. You are a mistake!" he roared as he walked towards me, swaying slightly. My cheeks were wet with tears as he reached down and yanked me up before I was sent flying again, this time into the glass. I looked down to see the pieces of my favorite snow globe spread over my carpet.

"I wish you were never born." He bit out before attacking me again and the only thing I was thinking was me too.

A thought a nine year old should never have.

I jolted up from my bed breathing heavily, grasping at my sheets. I blinked away my tears and looked over to my clock.

"Shit."

Late again.

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Bit of a shorter chapter but the next one will be much longer.

And ayeee, I have thousand reads now! I know that might not seem like a lot to some people but it seems like a lot to me so thank you so much!

XoXo

~awkwardpenguin3