Six years ago

It was the night before our wedding, the night that holds a great importance in every woman's life and here I was, having a panic attack while being locked inside my room. It felt like there was a huge block of granite on my chest and I wanted someone to lift it off. My stomach was on fire, twisting into a tangled mess.

I tried to sleep but I couldn't, the moonlight coming through the window was falling on my wedding dress and its sight was consuming me, nauseating me. I didn't want to get married tomorrow. I wanted to run away from this place, as far as possible.

A knock on the door broke my chain of thoughts. Hopping out of my bed, I opened the door, revealing a very worried looking Aaron.

"I know we aren't supposed to meet before wedding because it's bad luck but-" He couldn't complete his sentence because my laughter cut him in between. He stared at me with widened eyes, his forehead creased in confusion.

"Bad luck? You're funny Aaron. Isn't this wedding itself the definition of misfortune?" I asked, faking a laugh.

"Don't worry Clara. It's okay for the girl to panic before the wedding." he said, trying to pat my shoulders hut I jerked it away and walked back inside my room, flopping on the bed.

I felt him moving towards me and then the bed dipped beside me. "A.. Are you okay?" there was so much sincerity in his words that it felt like a crime to lie.

"No. I am not okay." I said, fighting the tears that were threatening to spill out of my eyes. "I am not fucking okay Aaron." saying, I hid my face in between my hands.

Few minutes passed when I felt his fingertips gliding over my jaw. Raising my head, I looked into his eyes that were brimming with a concerned expression.

"We will be fine Clara." he said and leaned towards me, his breath tickling my skin. "Things will automatically fall into place after this wedding." With that, his lips gently touch mine in a sweet and simple kiss, his lips gliding over mine, causing the temperature of my cheeks to rise.

There was something about his kiss that made me want more. It was so kind, so gentle that it made my twisted stomach to unknot and I started to calm down.

He parted his face from me, leaving my lips tingling in anticipation. "I know you wanted to fall in love and then get married. But don't worry, we will find love after our marriage."

"Love?" I whispered. "The plan was to get divorced after the transfer of money. Wasn't it?" I asked and his mouth parted slightly.

"We can give it a try. I mean we can fall in love within that time. It's possible. I have seen it happening before." he reasoned and tried to touch me again but I scooted away.

"No. It wasn't the plan." I said frantically, the panic increasing. The only light of hope was divorce and here he was, hoping that we would fall in love. Bullshit.

"We'll see. I mean if we fall in love-"

"We won't." I cleared, letting out a deep exhales.

"You're tired. We will talk later." he said and stood up to leave.

"I won't fall in love with you Aaron. It wasn't the plan." I said loudly, trying to breathe but there was a lump in my throat that wasn't going down.

"I just said if we-"

"There is no if and buts." I stood up, moisture was appearing in my eyes. I could feel it. I could feel my lungs trying to breathe harder.

"Okay calm down. We'll talk about it after the wedding." he said in a relaxed voice, although my insides were close to exploding.

"Didn't you hear what I said? We cannot fall in love. Never in this lifetime. Never. Now leave me alone for fuck's sake" I screamed at him and his face contorted in worry. Seeing how his presence affected me in a negative way, he made his way out of the room as early as possible.

I would never fall in love with you.

It felt like I was screaming at myself, instead of him. Like I was trying to tell my own heart to completely deny the possibility of falling for him.

He wasn't good enough for me. I was not made to be a housewife yet. I have a college to attend. I haven't even graduated high school for God's sake. How dare he even suggest that we would fall in love? Had he even looked at himself?

I tried to calm myself but my breaths were coming out in gasps. I stripped off the night gown, letting the coldness of the room calm me. I was just wearing my undergarments under the gown, but even they felt like a burden on me.

Everything felt hot and blurred, even in these harsh winters.

"Clara!" a voice reached my ears and my head sifted towards that voice. It was Ryan, whose eyes was trailing down my body, covered in minimal clothing.

"Ryan!" I rushed towards him and hugged him tightly. "Thank God you're here."

He returned my hug by wrapping his arm around my waist. "What happened love?" he asked and his hand rubbed my back gently, calming my heart that was going to explode any minute now.

He was exactly the kind of distraction I needed at that moment.

"Nothing." I parted my face from him and attached my lips with his. He was the type of man who deserved to kiss me, not someone like Aaron. And he thought I would fall in love with him.

I won't.

I would never.

I can't.

I won't. Right?

Ryan didn't ask me what was wrong with me and it was relieving. Instead, he returned my kiss with passion, letting his tongue delve into my mouth. I heard the sound of door locking after which he picked me up and guided my legs around his waist.

I won't fall in love with a man who cannot even look into my eyes without blushing like a tomato.

He lay me down on the bed, hovering over me. His hands moved up and down my body, igniting the fire inside me. I wanted to forget everything, everyone except Ryan. He was the only one who knew what I needed. He was the only one who didn't make me want to pull my hair out of my scalp in frustration.

I won't fall in love with a man who doesn't even have guts to touch his own fiancé.

He lifted his shirt over his shoulder, revealing his toned chest and droolworthy abs. His hand that was roaming all over my body had now descended to my underwear. With one swift motion, he pulled it off me and within no minute, we both went to another world.

That's how a man is supposed to take a charge. Not a coward like Aaron.

And he thought I would fall in love with him.

Never.

Everything about Ryan felt good at that moment. He was easily making me forget everything I wanted to forget, not to add the sweet pleasure he gave me. Then why were there warm tears rolling down my cheeks? Why was a part of me cursing me throughout? Why did I hate my selfish, shallow guts at that moment?

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