Mackenzie

I wake up pressed against Dane. I had honestly thought that it was just a really good dream. But no, I am all up against him and he smells fucking amazing. God, drunk me is really bold, but I'm also a little bit proud of her that she got us into Dane's bed. I immediately wonder if I forced myself into bed, and now I'm embarrassed. What have I done?

Dane's arm tightens around me. "You awake?" His voice is barely a whisper.

"Yeah."

"I really need to pee. But also I need you to not move until I get back."

"Huh?"

"I just, I'm really enjoying this, and I don't want you to move." Dane says. I blush. "But I really gotta go."

I move so that he can get up easily. I watch him walk into the bathroom, he's wearing a t-shirt and boxer-briefs. His ass looks fucking incredible. Not for the first time, I wonder how hard it would be to fuck him while he's in his sling. God, I'm making a lot of assumptions. How did we go from being pissed at each other to this?

My vision is blurry and I'm impressed that drunk me was also able to take out her contacts. I remember that part of the night which is a little shocking. I also remember talking to Dane, but I don't have a clue of what I said. I can vaguely remember him saying sorry.

Unfortunately, I can also remember Grant trying to dance with me. The thought makes me want to vomit, but luckily my stomach is good and empty, so that's not an option.

"Here." Dane interrupts my thoughts, which is probably for the best, with a glass of water. I take it and drink the entire thing.

"Life-saving." I tell him.

"I know." He slides back into bed next to me and pats his chest. I lay my head down in the same position it had been and put my arm over his stomach, so that I can be even closer. Drunk me had apparently also decided to take off her bra, because I'm suddenly very aware that my breasts are pressed against him. "This is even better than before." He says, and I can't help but let out a small laugh.

"So, clearly, something happened last night. Because you were mad at me and I was mad at you, and now I'm in your bed." I tell him.

"Yes, well." Dane takes a deep breath. "You called me out on my bullshit, which was to be expected. Then you cried. I apologized, repeatedly. Then you fell asleep." This sounds like the order those things would happen to me. "And then you woke up and tried to leave," I do remember this part a little better. "And I told you that you could sleep in bed with me. And I apologized again."

"Can I hear that apology one more time?" I ask, wondering if at some point Dane is just going to fucking snap again.

"You can hear it as many times as you need." He says. I wonder if someone clocked him last night and that's why he's being so nice. "I'm sorry for how I've been treating you. I've just been mad at myself. Mostly mad that I've been mean to you when I know that your heart is in the right place."

"What caused this sudden change?"

"Noah yelled at me." Dane admits, sounding guilty. I snicker and have to muffle the noise into Dane's arm.

"Anything else we talked about?"

"Um--" There's a long pause and I can tell Dane is debating if he wants to tell me the full story or not. I wonder what I did that's so embarrassing.

"What did I do?" I ask quietly. "Please just tell me."

"You said you like me." God, drunk me is too bold. I didn't want to ruin the shreds of friendship that I had left with Dane.

"Oh." Fuck.

"Mackenzie?" I don't say anything. "Please look at me." I raise my head to look him in the eyes. My eyes betray me though and briefly look down to his lips. His gorgeous, full lips, that I've thought about kissing countless times. My brain is an asshole, I need to focus. "I like you too."

He leans his head forward and kisses me softly. It's a lingering kiss, and I feel his hand run down my back, which gives me the best kind of shivers I could imagine. His lips caress mine and his tongue softly probes my lips.

I open my mouth slightly more, letting him in.

My brain struggles to catch up with what's happening. How did we go from this past week to this moment? What had drunk me said?

"Dane?" I pull away, even though every fiber of my being screams at me not to.

"Yes?"

"Can we just-- talk for a moment?"

My respect for Dane grows immensely when he smiles at me. "Of course."

I think this is the moment that finally causes me to come undone. Because he sits up and lets go of me, and seems to totally respect that I want to talk at this moment, but I don't get the sense that he's done with me yet.

I move so that my back is against the other wall and we stare at each other for a long moment. A small smile plays on Dane's lips. "What do you want to talk about?"

"I just want to understand what's happening. How we went from last weekend to this week to now." I look at him, finally staring unabashed at all that he is. His brown eyes gaze at me, and I can see that he's tensed ever so slightly. And god, am I attracted to him. I just want to throw myself on his body and make out with him until I die.

Logically, I know I shouldn't do this. But emotionally and physically, it's hard to restrain myself. Now that I've had a taste, I don't want to stop.

"I guess what you need to understand is that I knew the moment I fell that my baseball career was ending. I could feel something in my shoulder rip. And I was pissed, Mackenzie." His voice has become a whisper. "I was fucking pissed because you made me not care. You made me realize that baseball isn't everything. Studying with you I began to realize that baseball might not actually be my thing. And that thought terrified me. Because baseball--" Dane's pause is so long that I'm worried he's totally lost his train of thought. "Baseball is how I made my father proud of me. It was our one connection." He stares at me.

I nod, willing him to go on.

"And you-- You defended me to him. No one has defended me to him like that. Ever." Dane closes his eyes and leans his head back. "I'm mad at myself that I couldn't defend myself. And I'm mad that I let myself be sucked into baseball, into something that I'm not actually sure that I love that much."

When his eyes open and catch the sunlight that's coming through his window I'm left breathless. I can't believe that my lips had been on his mere moments ago.

"I know you didn't deserve how I treated you. I don't think that I deserve you."

He may as well have dropped my heart in liquid nitrogen and dropped it off a ten story building. That's how shattered my heart feels.

"Dane." It's all I can do to just say his name.

"But I want to be a good enough man to deserve you, Mackenzie. Because I like you." His gaze bores into mine. "I like you a lot. I've liked you for awhile, and I've denied my feelings to myself because I think you're too good for me."

I'm speechless. Dane has finally figured out a way to render me absolutely speechless.

"And you have every right to be mad at me." He continues. "You do. And you should be mad. Because I was mean. You were right. I was mean and I was an asshole." All I can think is that I want to throw myself across the bed at him. "You don't have to forgive me. You don't have to be the better person."

We look at each other for a long time, and Dane's soft gaze makes me feel so safe, and so warm. I know that I'm already forgiving him. I know that he's been having a hard time, that he deserves my forgiveness. I want to forgive him because I want him. Not just physically, but all of him. I like the Dane that I've come to know. I like his teasing comments and warm presence. I like the way he makes me laugh and makes sure I'm safe. I like so much about him and it stops my heart to think that I could walk away. Because god, I don't want to walk away. I want to stay with him in whatever way he'll have me.