Dane

Mackenzie and I make it through all of computer science assignments on Sunday. I thank her profusely as we continue to work together, and she just gives me the same small smile every time. I wonder if she knows that she's brilliant. 

Noah had given me a knowing look this morning when I'd left the house. I'd made the mistake of telling him that I was getting breakfast for me and Mack. I'd had to insist, yet again, that Mack was my tutor and nothing more. Even I wasn't believing my own bullshit. 

When we both call it for the day, I find myself feeling mildly depressed when I have to say goodbye to her in the parking lot. She gives me her usual smile and promises to see me on Monday. 

When I get home, Grant is in the kitchen. Luckily, Amy is nowhere in sight. Even though she claimed to have broken up with Grant, I didn't fully believe her. 

"Hey, man." Grant says casually.

"Hey." I'm tense. I wouldn't trust Grant as far as I could throw him. 

"Amy and I broke it off. So I'm wondering if we're good." 

Noah comes down the stairs and he's standing quietly behind me. I wonder if he's been waiting for this moment. 

I stare at Grant, trying to figure out if he's serious. 

"Come on, bud. Say something. We used to be, like, best bros." 

"That was before you fucked my girlfriend." I say, finally finding the words. 

"Bro, she was the one who came to me." Grant spreads his hands out as if to say, 'it's not my fault'. 

"You still knew she was my girlfriend." I tell him. "So, no, we're not good."

"But we broke up!"

"Fuck you." My voice is hard, and I'm proud that I'm not showing any weakness to this motherfucker. "Doesn't change what you did." 

"Dane--" Grant is the closest I've ever seen him come to pleading. 

"You're an asshole." I turn and step around Noah and take the stairs two at a time. 

Apparently, Noah is right on my tail because he slides into my room before I can shut the door. I slam it behind him and glare at him.

"What do you want?"

"Come on, Dane. Forgive the guy. He knows he fucked up." 

"Noah, that's the shittiest thing I've ever heard you say."

"You're making the team uncomfortable." Noah claims. He leans against my wall as I yank out my laptop and plug it in so that it can charge. 

"Oh, like I give a fuck." I mutter. "He fucked the girl I was dating while I was dating her. Repeatedly." 

"And he admits that. And he's said he's sorry." 

"He said he was sorry and then kept fucking her." I point out. 

"You'd broken up with her at that point." Noah says. Noah rarely actually pisses me off, but he's damn close this time. It's like he's standing on the line, just nudging it with his toe to see if it will move. It's not going to, and instead, I'm starting to see red. 

"What are you trying to achieve with this goddamn conversation?" I ask. "Because it just seems like you're trying to piss me off." 

"I volunteered to talk to you." Noah says. I stare at him, waiting for the rest of the explanation. "The team thinks that you're mad at Grant and that's why you're not coming to anything anymore. You don't feel like a part of the team."

"All I missed was a party and mini-golf." 

"You're our star pitcher. They want you to be around." 

I try hard not to roll my eyes. "It's not even our season yet."

"I know." Noah says quietly. "I know you need to get your grade up, too. The boys just weren't having any of that." 

"Did you have a fucking team meeting?"

"No. Just me, Grant, Kingsley, Adam, Dominic, and Jeff." Noah sighs. I want to roll my eyes, because that's the majority of the senior part of the team. I would consider that a team meeting. "Look, can you just hang out with us tonight?"

"Fine." I agree. "But can I shower first?" 

Noah nods and leaves me be. Despite our conversation, I feel absolutely zero desire to forgive Grant. I know that Noah just wants what's best for our team. And I know that if I don't spend time with them, they'll start to exclude from the group, and then it will just be awkward.

A brief thought flashes through my mind, asking me if I really care at all. The part that scares me is that a piece of me definitely does not care at all, that I'd be perfectly happy hanging out with Mackenzie, and focusing on my major. I immediately squash that thought, because baseball is everything that I've worked towards for years. I can't give up my team.

This is how I end up drinking beer next to Grant as the sun goes down. We're not talking to each other, but the rest of our teammates that have come to our bonfire seem happy to see me. We shoot the shit about practice and various cleat chasers that Kingsley and Adam are fucking. I find myself becoming increasingly bored.

At one point, I lean forward, ready to get up, but I catch a glare from Noah, who's sitting on my other side. "Team bonding." He whispers at me. 

"I'm just grabbing another beer." I tell him, even though it's a boldfaced lie, holding up my empty can and shaking it. "Does anyone else want one?" 

I get several yesses so I come back with a stack of cans. Noah gives me a satisfied look, and I try to fight the urge to flip him off. I'm not sure where this 'team bonding' shit is coming from but I'm honestly not about it. Noah has never been as much of a team guy as I have, so I'm a little bit put off. I call it for bed at 10 and fall asleep immediately. 

Noah and I carpool in the morning which means I have the chance to ask him what the fuck his problem is. "What was with all the team bullshit last night?"

"Fucking Grant and Adam were riding me hard yesterday." Noah mutters. "They were all 'Dane has disappeared and he's our pitcher. Is he giving up on our team?' It was just awkward, bro. Sorry. I know I shouldn't have pressured you into hanging out. You just bailed on everything this weekend."

"Sorry." I say, even though I don't feel sorry at all.

"I have mad respect for you, man. You're getting your shit done, and I appreciate that. You just gotta remember the team too. Most of those guys look up to you. It's weird when you're suddenly gone all the time." 

"Do you miss me?" I ask him teasingly.

"Of course not." Noah replies with a straight face. 

"Uh-huh." I agree sarcastically.

"It's just always felt like me and you versus the rest of the team. And when you're not there it sucks." This is a surprising admission from Noah and I instantly feel terrible for teasing him. 

"I'm sorry, man." This time I actually mean it. 

"Maybe Mack's cute roommate will fall for me and then we can have double dates." Noah grins. 

"We're not dating." I tell Noah, again.

"Not yet."