After practice I feel like I could pass out. The state championship is this weekend and it's all anyone can talk about. Coach is working us out like he never has before, and since my arms were still sore from carrying Maddie all those miles they feel like they could fall off at any given second.

I'm hardly able to fit the key into the lock of my front door, but I realize that it's already open.

I definitely locked it this morning, right?

Pushing through the door, I suddenly get a whiff of some sort of chicken. I'm thoroughly confused, and when I go into the kitchen I'm even more confused when my dad is wearing an apron around his waist, dinner ready and waiting on the table.

He shouldn't be back for another month and a half. He was just here.

"Um..." I clear my throat and set my helmet and duffel bag down onto the floor, trying to somehow come up with something to say.

"You were right." He says, putting his oven mitt onto the counter. He wipes his hands off on the apron and looks around at the empty house. "About everything you said. I've been a horrible parent, and there's no excuse for it. Not even your mother dying."

Tears are forming into my eyes too quickly, so to avoid having him see I look down at the floor instead.

"I shouldn't have left for work. I should have stayed here, I should have found help. I could have worked from home, but it's just that every time I'm here all I can think about is..." he lets out another sigh, wiping away a tear of his own. "I miss her everyday, Cameron. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her, and I know she would be disappointed in the father I've become. I know she would be."

"Dad..." I start, but he shakes his head.

"This speech isn't for sympathy." He clarifies. "It's not to make you feel bad for me. It's about me owning up to my wrong doings and trying to make them right." Then he looks at the table at the chicken and stuffing and lets out a laugh. "I'm a horrible cook, I know that, but I tried. That's what counts, right?"

For the first time in a long time a genuine smile falls onto my face as I inch closer towards the table. It doesn't look terrible. It actually looks decent.

"I'm not going to let you go to that championship without a parent in the stands." He says firmly. "I'll be working from home now until you graduate. I had to leave to make the arrangements, but it's settled. I'm back for good."

"Really?" I ask, and my heart is beating out of my chest right now. I don't want to believe it, but I can tell he's serious from the expression on his face. He means it.

"And I'm thrilled that you found someone." He nods. "Your mother adored her. She's a great fit for you, and maybe she can come over for dinner one night so that I can get to know her more."

"Yeah." I say. "That'd be great actually. I think she'd like that."

Speaking of Maddie, I quickly pull my phone out and send her a text to let her know my dad is home. She was supposed to come over tonight, but clearly plans are going to have to change.

I inch closer towards the table and pull a chair out, but before I do I end up pulling my dad in for a hug. We haven't hugged in years, and we're both crying in the matter of seconds.

I didn't realize how much I missed him until now. I didn't realize just how much I needed him until he hugs me closer, and all of the grief from moms passing seems to flood out of me at once.

"It's okay." He reassures, and my body is shaking from all of the sobs. "I'm here now, Cameron. I'm not going anywhere."

———-

Later that night, after my dad and I stayed up for hours talking, I'm finally in bed after I showered. This is the best I've felt in a long time, and I want to tell Maddie everything. She's the first person that came to mind.

Opening up my laptop, I start the video chat and wait for her to pick up. She's always studying on her own laptop, so it doesn't surprise me when she picks up after three rings.

Her curly hair is piled up into a bun on the top of her head, and she's got her glasses on for reading, the black frames looking as cute as ever on her.

"Hi." I find myself smiling, and I really wish she was here right now. "Studying I take it?"

She nods, but closes her textbook and cocks her head to the side. "You're in an awfully good mood for your father being home."

Relaxing back into my pillows, I go into detail about everything. I tell her about the speech he made, and then I tell her how we watched a movie and stayed up talking for hours about everything we should have talked about for years. I tell her how happy I am, and how relieved it makes me. Like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

"That's so great, Cam." She whispers, but something about her smile seems off. I can tell something's up.

"What's going on?" I ask.

She bites hard onto her bottom lip, and my mind starts to go to every possible worst case scenario.

"I just..." she sighs and sits cross legged into her bed now, twirling her fingertips around in her lap. "Are you sure that Ethan not accepting us doesn't bother you? He hasn't spoken to either of us for a week now, Cam. That's unlike him."

I bore my eyes into her, trying to read the situation, and something tells me that this isn't about me. It's about her.

"You're upset because he's not speaking to you." I state, and she tugs harder onto her bottom lip. "Have you tried talking to him?"

She nods.

"And?"

Sniffles escape her now, and my heart drops into my stomach. All of my worst case scenarios didn't end with this, and the longer she cries, the more I'm piecing two and two together what's happening.

"Okay." I twitch my jaw, attempting to keep my emotions at bay. "And what did he tell you?"

"Nothing I didn't already know." She sniffles. "I mean, Cam, what are we really doing? You're going to go off to college, and even if it is here you'll still be gone all the time. You love girls, and I just don't want to be hurt."

Sadness, desperation, and suddenly anger flood into me.

"You think I'd do that to you?" I ask and clear my throat, unable to hide the pain her words have caused me. "You think I'd cheat on you?"

"I..." she trails off and heaves out a sigh. "I just think we did this too soon. I think we've always loved each other, but if I'm being honest I don't think I want to be living in constant fear

during my last year of high school about whether or not you've found someone more interesting, or..."

"I wouldn't do that." I say, but even as it comes out of my mouth I know it sounds stupid. We've only been dating for a month, and my previous track record with girls isn't exactly the best. "What happened to doing this together? What happened to trying to make this work long distance? You're just giving up?"

I stand up from the bed now and pace back and forth as I watch her wipe away her tears. "And why now?" I throw my hands up. "The championship is this weekend, Maddie. Why would you have this conversation with me now?"

"Because I can't lie to you!" She shouts. "I can't try and hide how I'm feeling from you. I love you, Cam, but it's just not the right time. If we had started this in five years..." she trails off. "I don't know. It would be different."

"How is now not the right time?" I seethe. "Because Ethan doesn't approve?"

"No." She's sobbing now, and I just wish I could get inside her head. I want more than anything to know what she's thinking. "But I don't even know what I want to do with my life yet. I have nothing figured out, and this isn't something casual that's happening between us. This is serious, and I don't want to continue it if we're both just going to end up getting hurt."

"But you're not." I tell her.

"And how do you know that? You haven't even gone to college yet! You don't even know if you'll miss me."

She sounds ridiculous. She sounds crazy. I want to shake her, but I can't jump inside the screen of my laptop. Instead I sit back down onto my bed and blink away tears.

What a confusing fucking night this has been.

"So you're scared of what might happen? That makes zero sense, Mads."

As much as I want to beg and plead her to stay, that's never been the type of person I am, as much as I may want to right now. My heart feels ripped open and empty. I knew this could end terribly, but I jumped into it anyways. Never, ever did I think that she would be breaking my heart, though. I thought I'd do something to screw it up, but I find myself sitting on the bed in shock. I didn't see any of this coming.

"I want the best for you." She whispers, and I wipe away another tear. "You deserve the world, Cam. You deserve everything you've ever wanted and more, and being with me is going to hold you back as much as you don't think it will."

What is she talking about? How is playing at any of the colleges around here going to hold us back? It's not like I'm thousands of miles away. It's not like I'm-

I suddenly stop, my eyes meeting with hers. I can see the regret from here. "Penn State." I say shakily.

She slowly nods and wipes away another tear. "Coach called me tonight and said they were interested. He'll be at the game Saturday."

"You sent it in..." I trail off, and although my heart is broken I can't help but feel a touch of excitement. "He's seriously coming?"

"Yeah." She smiles again, and then it immediately fades. "I'm refusing to not let you take this opportunity. This is your dream, and you need to chase it. I want you to kick ass over there because I know you'll get that scholarship. I have no doubt."

My heart is beating quickly as I try to process everything she's saying, but I begin to somewhat understand it.

I can't blame her for not wanting to continue this if I go to Penn State. If I get in it's going to be almost impossible to be together and we both know it. Not that it couldn't work, but we just started dating. Is it worth it?

Finally nodding in defeat, I wipe away the last of my tears and let out an irritated sigh. "Kind of feels like this was all for nothing."

She shakes her head. "No. It wasn't for nothing. I gained my best friend back. At least I hope. I don't want you to hate me."

"I could never hate you." I immediately reply, because I know it's the truth, but picturing my life without her romantically is tough. Not being able to feel her skin, to kiss those lips...

I sigh again, and when our eyes meet I find myself asking the one question I know I'll regret if I don't. "In five years..." I trail off. "If you're single..."

She grins widely and nods her head. "Yeah." She giggles, and it hurts so much to know I won't be able to hear that laugh like that anymore. Between just the two of us. "In five years...if we're both in a situation where it will work, I thinks that's fate trying to tell us something."

"You know you're the first girl I've ever loved." I remind her, and she holds back another sob. "Even though it's ending, I just want you to know that I don't think I'll ever love someone else as much as I love you. I'm never going to stop."

"I know." She cries, wiping away more tears with the sleeve of my sweatshirt that she's wearing. "Me either, okay? Just promise me one thing before we hang up."

My chest is tightening, and it's like it's suddenly hitting me that this is over. It all happened so fast that I didn't have the time to process it, but when I look into those blue eyes of hers again I find myself losing it.

Yeah, we'll be around each other the rest of the school year. I'm best friends with Ethan, it's inevitable, but the moments alone with her will stop.

No longer will I be able to hold her. No longer will I be able to play with her curls. No longer will I be able to kiss that spot on the back of her neck, right between her shoulder like I know she loves.

I'm losing her, and the weight of the bricks that was lifted from my dad earlier tonight comes crashing right back down.

"What's that?" I'm hardly able to choke out.

She sits up more in bed, unable to stop her crying as she says, "I want you to go out there this weekend and play your ass off. Don't think about us, or your dad coming home, or any of the irrelevant shit that doesn't matter. Play this game for your mom, Cam. Make her proud."

I nod, a smile falling onto my face. "Only if you're there though."

I know it was hard for her to end things, and I think that's kind of the shitty part sometimes about falling in love with someone. You want what's best for them, regardless of how much it hurts you in the process.

I could easily talk Maddie into staying with me. I could persuade her to try and make this work, but I don't want her to later in life regret not being able to be on her own or make her own decisions, and she's right. If we were to continue this I know one of us would fold for the other. We wouldn't be able to stay away from each other for long, and then I'd either move back to Arizona or she'd move to Pennsylvania. I don't want us to resent our decisions, and deep down a part of me agrees with her. This is amicable, not one sided.

"I wouldn't miss it." She grins, and with a click of a button, she's gone.