I'm a god damn idiot.

I'm so fucking stupid.

The heat is itching in my body, anger coursing through my veins. I hate the way his hands look on her. I despise how she seems to be enjoying every second of this.

Did she forget me that easily?

I know I left her hanging, and I know I haven't talked to her since, and yes, that's my fault, but honestly, she decided to go with Mark? Of all fucking people?

I told her to stay clear of him, but, then again, whatever we had going on completely disintegrated after my dumb ass just stood there and didn't say a damn thing to her when she confessed her feelings, so technically she can do whatever she pleases.

So why can't I say something to her now? The longer we go without speaking the more awkward it becomes. All I can do is stand here like an idiot and watch as Mark places his hands on her body. The body I once touched.

The body I now know like the back of my hand.

I narrow my eyes as his hands inch lower, and then they go so low that I lose all self control. I push off of the wall and go in front of the camera, looking at Mary to try and come up with a reason as to why I just interrupted their photo.

All I can stupidly think of to ask is for her to take Kelsey and I's picture. Mary gives me a questionable glance, looking back at Maddie before she settles her gaze on me again.

Kelsey gladly obliges, and I loosely wrap my arms around her waist. I can almost guarantee I look lifeless in this photo. Can Mary tell I have a broken heart?

The skin of Kelsey's torso that's exposed from the cut of the dress feels foreign against my fingers. It doesn't feel like Maddie's. My Maddie.

Fuck, I'm going to go insane.

Mary rushes everyone out to get to the limo, and I know we're around everyone, I know her mom is watching, but I can't help it when I pull her back against my chest. All of our friends are ahead of us thankfully, and for a second I'm able to breathe at the smoothness of her skin. For a second I'm brought back to reality.

What I want to do is move these beautiful blonde ringlets to the side and gently kiss her neck. I want to tell her how much she means to me. How much I can't lose her.

But everyone will see if I make this long. I don't have the time, and even if I did I don't think I'd be able to say it. Even if I'm feeling this way about her, what good would it be to tell her? We can't act on these feelings. It won't work, so what the fuck am I supposed to do?

"Be careful tonight, Mads." I whisper, and as soon as I let go the loss of contact is agonizing.

I don't know what Mark has up his sleeve, I don't know what Maddie will do tonight, but I'm praying she's smart. She knows what I said about him. She knows I don't like him. I'm just hoping she trusts my judgment and doesn't do something stupid.

I don't think I'll be able to bear it if she does.

———

It's not even two hours in and I'm itching to go home.

Kelsey hasn't stopped being by my side the entire night. I know she's my date, but honestly? I can't even get room to fucking breathe it seems like.

Not to mention Sadie has been giving me the death glare since we stepped foot in the gym. She got stuck going with a kid I've never met before. Apparently he's from a different school, but she is clearly still pissed that she couldn't go with me.

I'm snapped back to reality when Kelsey backs her ass up against me to the beat of the music, and instantly my dick responds. I can't help it. This is the longest I've ever gone without relief.

She brings her hands up behind her to run her fingers through my gelled back hair, scraping her fingertips down my jawline as she works her ass back down towards the floor.

"Kelsey." I warn, because I honestly don't know how much self control I have left. I don't want to do something to hurt Maddie even further, but at this point I don't even know if there's any reconciling to do between us.

"Hm?" She asks innocently and spins to face me, hooking her arms around my neck. "I'm just getting you ready for the after party. Is that so wrong?"

I gulp. Loudly.

"And..." she brings her lips close to my ear so she can whisper, "I'm not wearing any panties."

She grabs onto my hands and places them onto her ass for me to feel, and I bite hard onto my bottom lip.

I don't want this.

I have to keep reminding myself that Maddie is somewhere in this gym. If she sees me getting this close with Kelsey then I will never have a shot in hell with her again.

"I..." pulling away, I let out a breath and start to feel hot. Too hot.

The music is blaring so loudly, and everything starts to become way too vivid.

"I have to get some air." I tell her. "Excuse me."

Leaving her alone on the dance floor, I quickly push open the doors to the gym and walk into the now empty hallway. It's much cooler out here, so I rest my forehead up against the white brick beside the lockers to try and calm myself down.

What am I doing?

I'm going to drive myself insane if I keep fighting with my feelings. All I want is Maddie. She's all I think about. She has completely consumed me since we kissed, and now that Kelsey got me worked up all I can think about is what I'd like to do to Maddie.

The way that little silver dressed hugged all of her curves. I was surprised Richard even let her wear it out tonight. It was just short enough to where my fingers could easily slide underneath, and I'd be able to get her to orgasm in less than two minutes. I'm certain.

"Fuck." I mutter again, but I'm quickly interrupted when the gym doors open again.

I don't want to be seen, so I duck behind the trophy case and feel my entire body still when I hear Mark's voice.

"You aren't going to regret this, babe." He chuckles, and I almost come right out from behind the case. I almost lunge at him from his stupid use of the nickname. She will never be his babe. Not if I have anything to do with it that is.

"This is your friends car?" Maddie asks.

So innocent.

So sweet.

"Yeah, we can spend a little time driving around if you want before the after party. This dance is getting pretty lame anyways."

Mark doesn't just drive around with girls. This isn't something he does. What he really wants is to get her alone. He's going to try and take her virginity. All for some stupid challenge he made against me.

I don't realize it until I hear the doors to the school close, but my cheeks are wet from tears. I feel so stupid for crying, but I'm hurting. I'm hurting because I'm in love with this girl and I feel like I can't tell her. If I tell her I'm in love with her then it'll make it ten times worse. We will never be able to last. This thing between us won't work and we both know it. Knowing that we both want something we can't have will just kill us more.

Quickly wiping away my tears, I avoid looking out at the parking lot at all costs and make my way back inside the gym. I can't be the hero again and try to stop her. Clearly that didn't work the last time. I'm not her boyfriend no matter how much I want to be, and if I go out there it's going to give us away.

Surprisingly, Ethan is sitting on one of the bleachers by himself. Jennifer is nowhere to be found, so I cautiously approach him, unsure of what mood he's in.

"You good?" I ask.

He brings his gaze up from the floor, and I can tell his mood is about the same as mine. I follow his eyes to what he's watching and see Maya dancing with a guy I've never talked to before.

He may just have it as bad as me.

"She has no idea, does she?" I chuckle, smacking him gently on the back to sit beside him.

"Not a clue." He mutters. "I feel like such an idiot. This whole dance is fucking ruined. I didn't think she'd come, and I especially didn't think she'd bring this guy." He scoffs in disapproval, rolling his eyes at the two of them.

I find myself almost agreeing with him, but I quickly shut my mouth and pick a new choice of words. "You're going to lose her eventually if you don't tell her how you feel." I suggest, feeling a pang in my chest when I realize I'm just telling myself advice at this point. "There's guys out there that are going to want to keep her, and if she doesn't know there's a chance with you then she's not going to wait."

Ethan nods. "I know. I've been thinking a lot about it. You know, talking to Maddie."

"Yeah?" I ask, and a part of my spirit lifts. If Ethan asks Maddie to date Maya, I don't see why the hell it wouldn't be okay if we did. "I think you should, bro. I think Maddie will be more understanding than you think."

"Maybe." He shrugs and picks a piece of invisible lint off of his suit. "I just-"

"There you are!" Kelsey shrieks from across the gym, storming over to pull me up from the bleachers. "You left me alone for like five songs." She huffs.

"Sorry." I say, but definitely don't mean it. I'm trying to get the image of Mark and Maddie out of my mind as she leads us back onto the floor, but I can't. It's impossible.

Ethan sends me an apologetic glance before he laughs as Jennifer finds him again and drags him onto the floor too. This is seriously the last place I want to be right now.

We spend another ten minutes dancing before Ethan taps me on the shoulder.

"Jennifer and I are heading to the after party early." He wiggles his eyebrows, clearly in a much better mood. "This is just what I need right now. I can't stick around and watch, well... you know." He eyes Kelsey warily, not wanting her to hear. "We're gonna Uber there."

"Alright." I say. I don't blame him. If it weren't for Kelsey wanting to stick around to find out who made homecoming court then I'd leave with him for sure. I've been done with this stupid dance since we got here.

"We'll see you later." He gives me a final fist bump and goes to find Jennifer once more, causing Kelsey to let out a small giggle.

"Those two are inseparable, aren't they?" She teases, hooking her arms around my neck again. "I like what we have going on. I mean, i'm not looking for anything serious, you know? You're just what I need right now."

I'm tuning her out the longer she talks, and it's not until I hear the gym doors open again that I see Mark storm inside, Maddie nowhere in sight.

He shoves a few people out of the way and heads over to the punch that someone spiked already, filling himself up a full glass. I eye him intensely, tracking his every move as Kelsey goes on and on about how much she's enjoying this.

He comes our way, but Maddie is still nowhere to be seen. I can feel my pulse quicken, my eyes darting back and forth from Mark to the gym doors.

I can't freak out.

I can't overreact.

Maybe she's just in the bathroom.

Maybe she had to touch up her makeup.

"Fucking virgins." I overhear him say to some other members of the team. He throws me a dirty look and then shakes his head. "Wouldn't fucking give it up no matter how hard I tried."

How hard he tried?

What the fuck did he try?

Kelsey isn't even paying attention to the conversation. She's still rambling about god only knows what.

I don't even have the time to fight with Mark. I don't even care about the prick anymore. All I care about is finding Maddie. That's all that matters right now.

"I have to go to the bathroom." I lie, my voice hoarse and filled with panic. Kelsey doesn't even pick up on it though, she just narrows her eyes and points to the stage.

"They're about to announce homecoming court!" She whines.

That's the last thing I give a fuck about.

"I'll be right back." I tell her, and I turn around to head back out the gym doors.