I still inside of Sadie as I come, feeling like shit immediately afterwards. She was just there, and I was pissed, and I didn't know what else to do to get these feelings out.

Maddie clearly wasn't interested in a relationship with me, she proved that today in the hallway, so what the hell does it matter if i fucked Sadie again?

I guess I'm so mad because I realized I actually might have feelings for her, and that completely petrified me.

Just like always, I push her away when I start to feel close to her and become a dick, the person I just got her to stop hating only last week.

Sadie presses her lips to mine and slides off of me, a satisfied smile tugging at her mouth. She knows she got to me. She went from crying this morning to fucking me in her backseat, and it almost makes me cringe that she feels special. Nothing about this was special.

"It's always so good." She sighs, sliding her yoga pants back up onto her hips. "Thanks again. Guess you really aren't with little miss goody good."

"I told you I wasn't. She's Ethan's sister."

"And if she wasn't Ethan's sister?" She arches a brow up again, and it's starting to piss me off at how much of an investigator she's trying to be.

"Enough about Maddie." I hiss. "I'm done talking about her, alright?"

Stripping the condom off of me, I throw it into the mini trash can she has and tug on my sweatpants. The same ones Maddie pulled down earlier.

God. I really am a dick.

People were starting to suspect us though, and by fucking Sadie I just shut all of those rumors down.

Am I seriously trying to come up with excuses?

There's no excuse for what I did. This is why I told Maddie it wouldn't be smart if we started something. All I'm going to do is hurt her, and now I probably lost any shot in hell at continuing whatever we just started. There's no way she'll forgive me. I wouldn't.

Becoming even more irritated, I get out of Sadie's car and slam the door behind me, immediately heading to mine. I don't give a fuck about the rest of the day, or my practice. I won't be any good to anyone, and if Ethan sees just how pissed I am it won't be hard to piece together what I'm so angry about.

I can't risk that.

———-

After a four hour nap I wake up to three missed calls from Ethan asking where the hell I was. There's two from Sadie, asking if she can come over tonight, and also one from Kelsey asking the same question.

Fuck.

I sit up tiredly and wipe at my eyes, heading into the kitchen to try and find something to eat. There's no food though except for the leftover pizza from last night, mostly because I don't cook. I only ever order out with my fathers monthly bundle of cash that he sends me.

That's the least he can do.

This morning seems like a nightmare. How on earth did I manage to fuck everything up in the span of two hours?

What's even worse is I haven't felt like this since my mom died. I haven't felt this sad in a long time.

I let out a groan and warm up a slice of pizza in the microwave, hanging my head as I wait for for the timer to buzz.

My phone goes off again. A text from Ethan.

Why did you miss practice?

Wasn't feeling well. I type back. I feel fine now though. I'll be good for the game this weekend.

Good. Do you want to come over? I'm bored as fuck and Jennifer is busy.

I stare at my phone for awhile, unsure of what to reply. I can't keep telling him that I can't hang out. I already said no when Maddie stayed the night yesterday, and if I say no again he's going to think something's up.

I'll also have to see Maddie though, and I'm definitely not ready. There's too many feelings there, too many emotions. If I see her upset I'm going to want to console her. I know myself with her.

But I can't make this obvious. I can't let on. Especially if things are over between us. If it's done then I need to hide it so that Ethan never, ever finds out.

Sure. I'll get ready and head over.

______

It's almost nine, and after three rounds of call of duty with Ethan I'm tired as hell. Even after I had a nap earlier.

"I say we order some Chinese before they close." Ethan mumbles and searches for his phone. "My mom said we could."

I lay down onto Ethan's bed and run my hands over my face, letting out a sigh of frustration. I can't seem to hide my bad mood. I'm miserable, and Ethan can tell because he smacks me hard with one of his pillows, the controller flying off of the bed and onto his floor.

"What the hell is up with you?" He asks. "You've been so weird lately. I've hardly seen you, and whenever I do see you you don't want to talk. What gives?"

I have to lie.

Racking my brain, I try to come up with some sort of excuse for my mood.

"It's just college." I say, and it rolls off the tip of my tongue so easily. Very believable. "I haven't gotten any offers, and the season's almost done. I'm stressing the hell out about it."

"Well stressing certainly isn't going to make it any better." He adds. "I think you need to get laid again. That's all."

As soon as he says that we both see Maddie walk past the open door to the hallway as she tries to get into her room.

"Maddie." Ethan calls out to her, and she freezes on the spot when she turns to look at him.

She avoids eye contact with me completely.

"Tell Cam he needs to get laid so that he'll stop being a dick." He laughs, but he clearly feels the tension when neither of us says anything. "Are you both in shitty ass moods? What is up with everyone?"

"I'm not in a bad mood." Maddie smiles, that same smile she had when she blew me earlier today. "But I don't think Cam needs any help getting laid. I think he was satisfied this morning actually."

Is she talking about herself? Or Sadie?

"Oh really?" Ethan turns in his swivel chair and smirks widely, and I want to just crawl into a hole. I want to be anywhere but here. "Who? Sadie? Kelsey?"

Maddie raises her eyebrows jokingly towards me, waiting to hear my answer.

"I'm not going to kiss and tell." I reply, sending a flirtatious glance over towards Maddie, but she just rolls her eyes.

I know she's mad at me, I know she can't stand me right now, but she has to know that I fucked up. I need to tell her that I feel horrible about what happened. She has to know that she's all I'm thinking about right now. Not Sadie.

"So it's a new girl." Ethan puzzles his face up as he tries to figure out who it could be. He will never be able to guess. "And you know who it is Maddie?"

A smile threatens to appear on her lips, but she hides it and says, "I have no idea. I just took a wild guess. His dick seems to be inside of a new girl everyday."

I flinch.

"Who on earth could she be that you're being so secretive about it?" He's messing around with me, I know he is, and I feel like playing along could be fun here. Maybe I can get back in Maddie's good graces this way.

"I'm not saying names because I want her all to myself." I say, flickering my eyes to hers briefly. Her lips part, but she doesn't say anything.

"She's got you locked down like that?" His mouth is hung up in shock, but he quickly closes it and lets out a laugh of disbelief. "Is she that good in bed?"

I immediately laugh, and then begin to laugh harder because he has no idea that he's talking about his little sister right now.

"Definitely." I nod. "Best head I've ever gotten."

Maddie's eyes divert to the floor, her cheeks burning red. She doesn't want Ethan to see, so she quickly turns around and says, "you guys are gross. I've got homework to do."

"As always." Ethan replies and rolls his eyes. "She's so lame."

Not always.

Contact with Maddie, whether it was awkward or not, felt good. So good. She didn't seem that pissed at me, but she was also in front of Ethan, and she can't exactly show that she's pissed in front of him or it'd be obvious.

Damn.

I need to find out.

"That pizza that I ate earlier fucked my stomach up." I lie again. "I need to take a shit."

"Ok?" He grabs his phone again, quickly typing in a number. "It's not like you don't know where the bathroom is. Do you want your usual? sesame chicken?"

"Yeah." I nod, feeling a jolt of excitement erupt through me at the thought of having alone time with her again. Even if it's just for a few minutes. "I'll be back."