Hey my sweets!

I know that this chapter is a bit early... okay maybe a lot early, but I want to dedicate this chapter to and other readers that have continually supported me through my journey of writing this book.

I know life has been difficult since the pandemic and we can only cling to the things we enjoy to get a sense of peace in this chaotic world, and I'm really happy that my book can be that for some of you.

I'm here to cheer you all on, and I'm glad that my book inspires.

As much as I inspire you, you inspire me to continue writing. So, thank you all, truly! I'm always cheering for you! May God bless you!

~Sweetpea

P.S. I drew myself, I left the pic up top. hehehe!(〜^∇^)〜

P.P.S. I changed my buy me a coffee link to a kofi link because it was brought to my attention that it didn't work. Please send donations there to help this Sweetpea support it's caffeine addiction.ヾ(*' ∇ ')ﾉ

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'It's my room.'

Maybe because it has happened before or maybe because it's too much to grasp, but I felt nothing but calm.

I looked around the room blankly before a sense of relief washed over me.

'I didn't leave.'

My fear never came true, I didn't leave the family I had grown so attached to. However, my relief was short lived.

Questions filled my head.

I knew I had died, I knew the feeling well, it was something I could never forget. However, I did not know how I returned, or to when I returned.

I got out of the bed to call someone only to realize that it was the middle of the night. I would look like I had lost my mind if I woke someone up just to ask the day.

I felt a sense of unease as I looked at the same moon shining brightly through my window. I turned my head to the spot it shone on...

It was the place I had died.

It felt strange to be standing so close to the place I had bled to death, however it was nothing special. I had to stand next to man who is fated to kill me, a bitter chuckle softly fell from my lips.

I did not know the time I had come back to, I could have possibly come back to the time right before my death. I was not going to take a chance by staying here like a sitting duck.

The safest place besides being next to my brothers would be the garden. At least I would have a chance of running away and being out in the open would give the assassin a disadvantage, since he could not delay my brothers from getting to me.

I didn't even bother to grab a shawl, and directly headed to the garden. As if on auto pilot, I arrived at the garden in a daze.

Everything felt surreal, as I walked barefoot through the garden.

The cool night breeze gently caressed my skin, and unknowingly I ran my feet through the damp grass. Everything felt so real, a bitter sweet feeling bloomed within my heart. I felt more attachment to this world than, the world I was born in.

I felt more attachment to a family that I was a intruder in.

I didn't even give them time to mourn their dead daughter and sister. They do not know that she had long left this world.

Did she take my place?

I doubted it, I don't think a person could take over a dead body. Especially one that was probably crushed.

I took a deep breath in, trying to calm the overwhelming feeling I was slowly drowning in. However, I preferred this over the painful numbness I knew Alina felt. If I was drowning, wishing to break the surface for air. She was dying from thirst, in a desert hoping for an oasis... searching for a sanctuary to take refuge in.

Two polar opposites, but we understood each other better that anyone else. Guilt and pity welled up in my heart, she was no villainess, she was someone who was hurt and used for unfathomable reasons.

Tears welled up within my eyes.

However, my guilt and pity soon turned to anger. I hated how she was used and thrown around like a rag doll.

I broke out into sobs fueled from my anger.

I hated the way she died, and most of all I hated the way she wished for it, to hopefully get the oasis she so wished for.

My legs gave out from under me, shaking with my sobs. I pounded on the ground in frustration. I couldn't change it. I couldn't even change my own fate, I died before I could even start surviving.

I hated how helpless I was, I couldn't change anything for myself, let alone Alina. I didn't want to die, and I didn't want Alina to die. I wanted her to enjoy life, I also wanted to enjoy life. I wanted to be able to be selfish.

I felt warmth envelope me from behind, it made me cry harder. I knew it was not me who deserved this kindness, but I wanted it. I was gently turned around to face whoever was holding me.

I could only see the blurry face of Ethan through my tears.

I started pounding his chest in anger, but even then he rubbed my back to ease me.

'Why, why did he just let Alina die?'

Emotions were winning over reason. I wanted to blame him but I knew he was innocent, even so my unjustifiable anger continued.

'Why did she have to die?'

'Why did I have to die?'

'Why do I have to die again?'

"I don't want to die!" I screamed into his chest, as if it would change something.

"Why do I have to die?!" I screamed as I hit his chest.

Too many lines of reason were blurred. I didn't want to be like this, but there was nothing else I could do. Everything I have worked on so far felt useless.

I felt hopeless.

I grabbed fistfuls of his shirt as if trying to grab onto my reason. My screams soon turned into quiet sobs.

"I don't want to leave, I want to be selfish." I cried, begging to live.

I continued to cry, the tears seemed unending. My eyes swelled, while my throat turned hoarse from my cries. However, Ethan never left my side. He continued to comfort me.

"Your not going anywhere. Sleep." Ethan whispered while covering my eyes with his calloused hand.

With no strength left in me to even consider going against his words, I let sleep take me away while I lay in his arms.