Being back home is torture.

I know that sounds bad, but it's the truth.

The problem is that I can't get any sleep. I am uncomfortable with being back in Lex's bedroom. Every time I fall asleep next to him I wake the next morning thinking that Paul has captured me again.

I do not need a therapist to tell me that I have PTSD. I am certain that this is PTSD. Being in that replica for so many days has psychologically damaged me and now I haven't gotten proper sleep in two whole days.

My body is literally crying out in agony for me to get some well deserved rest. But that won't happen until I talk to Lex about what I have been feeling. After all, communication is key in every relationship.

As I sit at the foot of the bed, he walks out of the bathroom, fresh out of the shower. His dark hair wet and tiny droplets of water cascade down his chiseled chest. He notices me staring and snaps his fingers to get my attention.

"Are you okay?', he asks as amusement dances in his eyes.

The pit in my stomach grows and I say the worst words that no one likes to hear, "We need to talk".

These four words wipe the smile off his face within a second. See? Everyone hates hearing those words. Whenever someone says that you need to talk, it is never good news. Something bad always happens, or unkind things are about to be said.

He stands motionless for two heartbeats and moves to sit next to me. I shift away from his practically naked self, "No! Get dressed first. I won't be able to focus when the only thing covering you is a towel".

And I really won't. It's not enough that his entire aura makes me weak but a naked Alexander will make me completely forget what I was about to say. His abs are too much of an attractive distraction.

A bright smile is what I get in response. He doesn't get up though. Sighing, I fold my arms across my chest and give him a stern look, "Alexander please get dressed".

"Alright". I watch as he gets up and saunters his way into the walk-in closet. A minute later he comes out in a fresh pair of black sweatpants and a white tshirt. His bare feet gently step on the carpet covered floor. Seeing him like this makes my heart do a flip.

He really does look ridiculously attractive in anything that he puts on.

He'll be more attractive when you finally see him naked. My subconscious comments.

I almost choked on my spit as my brain conjured up the image of what it would be like when I finally got the chance to see him not just topless but without a single item of clothing on.

He sits on the chaise and pats his thigh , motioning for me to sit him on it. I stand up from the bed and walk towards him. I plant my butt on his lap and he wraps an arm around me.

"So, what is it that you want to talk about?"

My heartbeat begins to sound loudly in my ears as the heart rate picks up pace. Taking a deep calming breath I start to explain my dilemma.

"I can't sleep".

He looks at me confusingly, "What do you mean?".

I'm scared of how he's going to take the news. How is he going to feel when I tell him that this room haunts me?

Taking another deep breath, I begin to tell him of how I feel. How much pain that this mental torture is putting me through and how greatly traumatised I am by what Paul put me through. He listens to me quietly as I speak. His nods of acknowledgement, help me through explaining everything to him.

"What I'm trying to say is that I can't sleep in here. I'll be going into one of the guest bedrooms. This room is not okay for my mental stability". And this is very true. I need to think of myself and getting the frame of mind I had before.

Even though it seems like I'm letting Paul's psychological torture win, but my mental health comes first and if that means spending my nights in a guestroom then that is okay with me. All I hope for is that Alexander understands the situation that I am facing.

When I finish talking he takes my hand and pulls it towards his lips to place a kiss on the back of it. "I hear you and I completely understand", he sighs. It looks as if what I just told him drained some of the energy he had. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?", he asks.

The question hangs in the air for a few seconds before I muster up a proper answer. He deserves to know the truth. "I am not used to having people handling my issues. Whenever I encounter a problem, I always try to fix it myself first. Just like when my parents had a financial crisis, I did not ask for help from anyone but chose to do whatever I could to help them by myself.", I tear my gaze away from him as I say the next words, "Even if it meant becoming someone's maid."

I hear his sharp intake of breath. "And that's what I like about you. I love that you always put others first and that you try to solve every issue you face--but baby you're not alone anymore. You have me...and besides if you never became my maid then I would not have met the love of my life."

I can't help but blush at his honesty, even if he was cheesy towards the end. He pulls me closer to him and lays his head on my chest. The side of his face cushioned by my breasts, "Thank you for speaking out. I appreciate that you opened up to me about this.'' He looks at my face once more as he speaks, "We'll sort this out together, okay?".

"Okay", I say nodding at him.

Something else is gnawing at the back of mind and I don't know whether I should talk about it now or wait for the right time.

You've already started, so why stop now?, my subconscious asks.

As if sensing my internal struggle, Lex picks up on my mood , "Is there something else bothering you?", he asks. Worry etched all over his face.

I nod and take a moment to mentally prepare both myself and him, "Belle".

This time his mood doesn't shift. Usually, before all of this happened. When I would say her name or speak of her he would get angry. Back when she used to threaten me. Now he looks blank, like he harbors not even a single drop of emotion towards her.

"What about her?", he plainly asks.

He might not feel any emotion towards her but I still do and it is definitely not anger. "I feel sorry for her. Yes, she deserves being in jail for what she did because it was wrong. but...I don't blame her.".

That adorable confused expression comes across his face, "You don't blame her? After all she's done to you?".

"Not one bit. Sure at first I felt differently than I do now, but that's because I took the time to imagine what it's like to be in her shoes. Belle loved you, in her own stupid, creepy way she saw a future with you despite the fact that she cheated on you."

"But that's the thing Lex, you cheated too.", the guilt I felt when I came to that realisation when she pointed that out back when Paul kidnapped me. She might be crazy and a whole lot of other psychotic things but she did speak the truth.

"We kissed, while she was in another room, under the same freaking roof. I should not have allowed that to happen. What we did was wrong".

He sighs, "But she did worse than I". I pull away from his arms and stand up from his lap. Walking towards the window, I stare up at the partly cloudy sky.

"Lex, it doesn't matter, it's still cheating. Plus it also didn't help that you broke up with her through a text message. The least you could have done is end things with her properly. Belle is also a human and she got hurt. Our relationship got built on the recently crumbled ruins of what you and her had.." I feel his presence behind me but I don't stop talking.

"I get that we're attracted to each other and we found it hard to be away from one another--but sweetie; we moved on so quickly. We built our love on an unstable foundation and now the earthquake that is the consequence of Belle's heartbreak came to drag us down with her".

I feel extremely sorry for Belle, even though I am supposed to be angry at her. I also would lose a few screws in my head if someone broke up with me via text message and to make matters worse, Lex and I jumped into a relationship and classifying ourselves as a couple so quickly. He literally broke up with her hours before he asked me to his girlfriend.

That's messed up and irresponsible of me. I was too caught up in the moment and in the hype of finally being with someone that I've been crushing on for weeks. But I should have listened to my head and not my heart.

"Perhaps, I should have handled the matter differently. I now see how immature my actions were" , he looks like he is still processing each word I have said. He stands next to me and joins me in watching the outside scenery.

"That was not how I was supposed to end things with her. I was so excited about starting a new life with you.", his left hand mindlessly holds on to my right hand. Our fingers intertwine.

"You have been on my mind since the first day I saw you at Victor's restaurant. And when you started working here, I had these fantasies about what a life with you would be like. I pushed you into a corner and used the fact that Belle was with Matteo as an excuse to start a relationship with you without giving you a chance to think about it first".

My heart turns in my chest. "So what now?", I ask. Anxiety again holding me tightly in its grip.

Lex turns to look at me. His eyes glimmer under the daylight that floods into the room, "Well now, you get some rest while I sort out this made I made with Belle."

Silence envelops us for a moment as he stares into my eyes, "Tout comprendre, c'est tout pardonner" he softly says with a small smile.

"To understand all is to forgive all", I translate his words with a smile of my own.

***

Lex's soothing deep voice rouses me from my nap. I had taken a nap after our conversation. The exhaustion from not sleeping was really getting to me. So as we had agreed, I went to one of the guest rooms, the nearest one to our bedroom, slipped into bed and went to sleep.

That was three hours ago.

My eyes prop open, Lex sits nexts to me with a smile. Gosh this man smiles a lot, he looks happier too.

"Hey love", he says while taking my hand in his own.

My smile mirrors his as I continue laying on the comfy pillow, "Afternoon my love". My words make his smile widen.

Don't his cheeks hurt?

He pulls me up from the soft duvet, "Come with me".

"Where to?", I ask perplexed.

He shrugs, "We're going for a drive", the mischievous glint in his eyes matches his grin.

He is up to something. I can feel it. But I don't protest and get up from the bed. I slip on some shoes and walk out of the bedroom hand in hand with him.

As we pass by the living room, we stand by the threshold, "We're going out for a while" he says to my parents who are having teas and biscuits with Harvey, June and Nana.

"Drive safely", June says as we walk out into the foyer.

Lex's black Range Rover Velar is parked on the driveway. He opens the door for me and helps me get in, then he runs over to his side and slips in. immediately after he starts the car, I connect my phone to the radio.

We drive out of the yard with Everlong by the Foo Fighters flooding the interior.

The drive is smooth and without conversation. Just us listening to my rock playlist and the open road. I sing along to most of the songs but Lex loses his mind when Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana comes on.

Once Kurt Cobain's voice is audible, my adorable fiancé jumps in and sings. His singing voice isn't terrible but also not so good that he should take music as a career. I also join him and spend five minutes vibing to the song.

"That was fun", he says once the song ends. His face flushed and his eyes twinkle.

"Weren't you like eleven years old when that song was released?"

He turns to look at me for a second, "Weren't you not even born when that song was released?"

I laugh, "Touché''. He winks at me and pulls into an unfamiliar gate. It opens up and the car moves towards a beautiful driveway.

He parks the car next to a sleek Grey Mercedes Benz.

Why are we here?

"Who lives here?", I ask as he helps me out of the car.

He closes the car door and looks at me with a nervous smile. "It could be us if you like it after the tour".

Tour?

A few seconds pass before it hits me, "Are you house hunting?", I ask him.

He shakes his head no, "We're house hunting.", he points from me to him.

Oh my word! Is this because I told him I feel uncomfortable at the mansion? As if hearing my thoughts he pulls me into a hug, "Baby it's not just about what we spoke of . We need a place where we can start a life together. New beginnings and all''.

Once we pull away from each other, I look up at him, "New beginnings mean a new house?", I ask.

He nods with a goofy grin. "Shall we?", He offers me his arm.

I am suddenly aware of the way I'm dressed. Aware of the way that we're both dressed. I'm in a pair of shorts and his giant sweater with black converse. He is still in the sweats he wore after his shower and just changed the white tshirt for a black one, then he also slipped on sneakers.

"Rose?", he calls me, seeing my frozen state.

I move backwards towards the car, "We can't go in there looking like this. You should have told me we were going to look for a house. I would have dressed properly".

He chuckles and steps towards me. "Number one; I wanted to surprise you and two...you look great in whatever you have on''.

The heat moves up to my cheeks as I blush. "Okay, fine.".

We hold hands and walk towards the front door of the house. Before he knocks he turns to me, "Besides, I'm a forty year old man who has done so much for the betterment of society. The world won't come to an end if I go house hunting in sweatpants and a tshirt. I've earned this my dear."

I stare up at him astonished and amazed by the sheer amount of confidence this man has.

The door and a man greets us, "Mr. and Mrs. Cain!".

My heart nearly claws its way out of my throat from the fact that this man called me Mrs. Cain.

Soon, my inner self says to me.

"Good afternoon Marcus.", Lex says with a smile. Marcus is a nice black man with neatly cut hair. He has a very welcoming smile and honestly he seems like a nice person. He is in a grey suit with a black shirt and tie.

Marcus ushers us inside and begins the tour. The house is big, with seven bedrooms and eight bathrooms. One we have gone through all of the rooms, backyard and the swimming pool, I am not convinced that this is the place I want to live in.

"What do you think?", Lex asks me.

His face reflects what I am feeling, "It's okay but it's not our house." he nods in agreement.

"That's okay, there are two more options for you guys."

We drive off to the next location which is not so far from the first house. Only a ten minute drive. Comparatively, this one's a bit smaller than the other one, with only five bedrooms and four bathrooms. It's big and spacious but not what I envision, so then Marcus says that he has a good feeling that I will love the last one.

"Save the best for last... you know?", he adds a wink which makes Lex tense behind me.

Is he jealous?

Twenty more minutes of driving and we are finally at the last house. The large iron gates open up to a breathtaking wide yard. The grass is the most beautiful shade of green I have ever seen. The driveway is hugged by tiny trimmed, short hedges. Lex parks the car and I jump out, not waiting for him to open my door.

I stand next to him just staring up at this house.

I'm in love. I'm deeply in love with this place and I have not even seen the interior yet.

The outside walls are a simple white color with plant life growing onto the side of one wall on the left, the upper levels of the house are a mixture of floor to ceiling windows andMarcus opens the wood framed glass front doors and I nearly die from the beauty of the foyer.

Two staircases hug the side walls and go up into the second level of the house. I walk towards the heart of the living room and it amazes me how wide and spacious it is. The room flows into an open plan Georgian style kitchen. The cabinets match the walls with the ivory color and then the countertops are black marble-like material .

The center features an island with the same design as the cabinets.

I can see myself cooking here. Sunday lunches, brunches, birthdays. I really see myself cooking a meal for my family here. For my husband and children.

"You're going to love what's on the other side of the house", Marcus says as we move from the kitchen and follow him.

We walk through a wide hallway that breaks up into a glass square shape, revealing an atrium.

"There's a freaking atrium!", I excitedly say to Lex, shaking his arm. Him and Marcus smile at my reaction.

A Ficus Bonsai tree is in the middle of the glass atrium. It looks no more than a meter tall with its body growing up to the high ceiling that allows sunlight to flood through for it. "You can walk into the atrium to water, clean and trim the tree", Marcus says showing us how to open the glass door.

The living space has a collapsible wall that leads to a beautiful, wide swimming pool. This side of the house is elevated so the pool overlooks the lush green grass in the backyard.

The rest of the tour is looking at the other rooms the house holds such as the game room, gym, movie room, a library which I loved so much and a study. There are ten bedrooms and eight bathrooms. Marcus shows us the main bedroom last and it is as beautiful as the rest of the house.

Ivory colored walls greet us the moment we step into the room. It is big and spacious. There's a wide glass sliding door that leads to a balcony that overlooks the rest of the backyard. The walk in closet is just as big with smaller windows that allow sunlight to stream in giving the room more natural light.

The bathroom has an oval shaped bathtub and a transparent glass shower. The sink and countertops are ivory with sage green trimms on the sides.

We walk out of the house and Marcus smiles at us as we stand next to the parked cars. "So what do you think?"

I can't contain my excitement over this place, "I love it!". Lex pulls me closer to him and I snuggle onto his side.

"Are you sure?", Lex asks me.

I nod at him. I am definitely sure about this one. "This is our family home Lex". This brings a smile to his face. He winks at me before turning to Marcus, "We'll take it. Draw up the papers and send them to me, okay?", he says to him.

Marcus beams from ear to ear, "Sure thing Mr. Cain."

The two men shake hands as we prepare to leave. "Goodbye Marcus. Thank you for showing us the houses." I say to him as him and I shake hands.

"It was a pleasure Mrs. Cain".

I chose not to correct him about calling me that. I like it when people call me Mrs. Cain. I'm going to enjoy it more when I'm married to Lex.

We get into the car and Lex drives off into the open road again. "Thank you for this", I say with my head turned towards him.

He leans in for a quick kiss before directing his attention back to the road. "It had to be done. From now on we make decisions as a couple" he says as his hand holds mine over the console.

I nod even though he can't see, "Can we make a decision of getting something to eat? Because I am starving".