Astrid has been quiet this evening, distant and distracted. Calling off that visit to my parents was the final clue to tipping me off that something was wrong. She gives Liam and Eira everything they need, and she does it all with a smile... but it doesn't reach her eyes.

Finally deciding to face this cloud hanging over Astrid, I wait until the babies are napping and then I pull her into our room and onto my lap. Stroking the hair away from her face, I look down at her as her nose sniffles as she tries to contain the tears.

"Astrid baby, talk to me, please. We never talked about what happened when he took you again, I think we need to."

She nods her head with a sense of relief. "I didn't think you wanted me to talk about it." She admits. "You never asked about it."

"And I thought you didn't want to talk about it, you never bought it up. I'm so sorry baby." I kiss her nose and then her little rosebud lips. "I should have communicated to you better what I was thinking and how I was feeling."

"Can we talk about it now?"

"If it will make you feel better then of course, but you don't have to."

"I want to." I feel immense relief that she wants to talk, the not knowing was eating me up inside.

"He took Liam from me for hours, maybe days. I didn't know what he was doing to my boy. Mouse was unconscious for most of that time, they beat him so badly. When they came back in he gave me Liam he found out that I was-was pregnant with a girl... he... he told me I had failed him and that he was going to punish me."

My arms tighten around her as I prepare myself for the words that are coming once again.

Sighing, I shift her body round so she's straddling me, face tipped up to look at mine. "I have failed you."

I hang my head in shame, all that fear, all that trauma could have been avoided, should have been avoided if only I wasn't such a failure.

"But you didn't!" She exclaims before clinging tighter onto me, like I'm the one who needs comforting.

"Yeah baby, I did." I admonish as I stroke up and down her back.

We sit in silence for a few moments, both trying to heal the other slightly. Then Astrid breaks the quiet once again.

"He was going to make me kill Mouse."

My hands still their movements as I grip her tighter, the horror and trauma she has survived through terrifies me. I had noticed Mouse had been keeping a distance away from her a bit, no longer calling her girlie. I just put it down to their relationship changing slightly after what they went through.

If I know Mouse, and I think I do, he hasn't called her girlie or acted especially close to her because he doesn't want to trigger any pain in Astrid.

"If I didn't kill Mouse he would kill the baby. He would kill our Eira. I can still hear Mouse begging me to shoot him, I wish I could forget them but I can't. And Mouse hates me as well, he only stays for you and Liam. I had a gun pointed at him and worse of all... for a moment there I was considering it!"

Her voice raises to hysterical and I gentle hush her frantic tears. She begins to choke and gag as all the pent up emotion begins to burn through her body. I reach up and lift a glass from the bedside table, I gently guide it to her lips and encourage her to take a mouthful.

"Astrid, my heart. Look at me please. Mouse is keeping a distance from you because he's worried that he will bring back memories. He's doing it to protect you. And believe me, neither Mouse nor I would blame you or feel any resentment had you shot him. You were trying to save your baby, Astrid, no one would hate you for that."

A juddering sob leaves her mouth and I can feel her heart pounding against my chest.

"But he won't. I just miss my brother."

Sighing, I begin to stroke up her back once again, it always seems to calm her down. With my free hand I pull my phone from my pocket and hold it so Astrid can see the screen as well. Finding Mouse's number I text him to come round. I press kisses over her face before dipping down and capturing her lips in a long, loving exploration.

She returns the kiss and sits up more so I can deepen the action further. We pause, breathing deeply and then there's a quiet knock at the door. I stand, taking Astrid with me and walk down the stairs to the front door. Before opening it I place Astrid down and wait for her to open the door when she's ready.

Once the door is opened, she hurls herself at a confused looking Mouse. He catches her and spins her around as she winds her legs around him, squealing in delight. I don't feel jealousy, I feel relief that Astrid has found Mouse once again. He's like her big brother.

He puts her back down on the ground before throwing his arms around her.

"I sure have missed you girlie."

"I've missed you too, bror." She says attempting the pronunciation, it's not perfect but the sentiment is the same.

Smiling, I open the door for Mouse to come in, he takes it and immediately scans the room for Liam or Eira.

Rolling my eyes I stop his action. "They're both sleeping upstairs you cuddle demon."

He chuckles guilty and rubs the back of his head. "I can't help it, I love their chubby cheeks."

As if Liam hears his uncle's arrival, he begins to wail. Telling me he's bored and in need of attention. Before Astrid or I can even turn and think about fetching him. Mouse has disappeared, darting up the stairs and finding his little nephew.

I guide Astrid to the sofa by the fire, she's still such a cold soul. We sit side by side, her head lolling on my shoulder as Mouse reappears with Liam and his famous teddy bear. He sits beside Astrid and throws her a huge grin before beginning to occupy Liam.

"I was never going to shoot you, you know." Astrid tells Mouse in reassurance, more for herself than for anyone else. I'm sure that she never would have actually pulled the trigger, but her maternal instincts had kicked in and who could fault her for that?

"Girlie, even if you had shot me," he looks down at the chortling, drooling Liam, "I would have died happy knowing the little ones were ok."

I've never been more proud or grateful for my brother, he always knows what to say to help Astrid forgive herself.

I can tell that the darkness and weight in Astrid's soul has lifted and I can relax once again knowing my girl is happy again.

What she doesn't know is that tomorrow she is going with my mother and her sister dress shopping in preparation for the surprise wedding we have been preparing all week.

It's going to be perfect.