Do I even want to know? They say ignorance is bliss, don't they? I will love the baby regardless, no one else will... My thoughts won't give me a moment's peace,

I clutch at my stomach, rocking anxiously as Liam contently sucks on a teddy bear's ear. Lila walks into the sitting room forcing me from thoughts.

"Hi Astrid sweetie, I've got two men here who are going to be coming with us to the hospital." Lila sits next to me on the sofa, she always seems to know exactly how to move and what to say to help me.

"W-why the men?" I question puzzled, is this a trick? Am I really going to the hospital? Are they sending me back?

I whimper and swallow my sniffles, my rocking resumes. I miss Vidar.

"Hiya girly." A kind faced man is now kneeling before, he reaches his hand out slowly for me to shake. "I'm Mouse, we're coming with to protect you. So you'll be safe."

"Hi Mouse." I whisper politely, even before I was taken I had a good judgement for who I could trust and who I couldn't. Mouse was someone I could trust. I take his hand and shake it cautiously.

"Before we go, there's someone here who has a few questions for you."

A mix of confusion and panic start to bubble up inside me, Mouse's thumb strokes my knuckle calmingly. A message that it will all be ok.

The door opens once again, a man walks in, he has a computer in his hand. His entire neck is covered in dark, swirling, woad like patterns. "Hiya, Astrid. I'm Hacker."

By this point Mouse has let go of my hand and is now playing with a squealing Liam. He's holding one of Liam's slightly damp teddy bears in a way that makes it move like the bear is alive.

Liam can barely breathe he is so joyous. I just stare out of the window, distracted by the pale snow light that coats the sky. It's been so long since I've been relaxed enough to note the colour of the sky in my mind.

"Astrid," Hacker broaches softly, I startle slightly, "I'm looking for the man that did this to you." My eyes widen, I can't talk about that again. Not right now. Not without Vidar.

"I'm not going to get you to tell me anything like that. I'm here to ask you if you want me to find your parents."

I freeze, I never want to see those people again. Even before I got taken I had plans to leave that house.

"No. No. No, please don't send me back to them. Please don't tell them I'm here." I beg, grabbing hold of Lila's arm frantically.

"But sweetie? Won't they be worried?"

I shake my head so hard I swear I can feel my teeth rattle in my head. "They didn't care about me, please. They'll take Liam from me." I grip my stomach, "they'll take them both."

"What do you mean Astrid?" Mouse's head pops up from Liam's level, his face is darkened with severity and the promise of retribution.

"I have a sister, she's 4 years older than me." I heave in a wheezing breath, I'm not good at talking anymore. "She got pregnant at 16 and they took the baby after it was born. She didn't have a choice. She bought shame to the family." I scramble the words out as quickly as I can, I start to feel a little faint. This is all too much, first the baby and now my parents.

"Girlie!" Mouse's gruff voice breaks me from my trance, "you're safe. Don't want your parents to know- they won't. Hell I'll go down there and kick their asses for you if you want." I smile gratefully him but shake my head.

Lila clears her throat as she looks at her watch. "Alright, we should probably get going."

I stand, it takes a little more manoeuvring now as my belly has begun to get in the way. Mouse helps me up slowly, I'm seriously grateful for this man.

But I want Vidar. Is he done with me already...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You ready then girlie?" Mouse asks me as we pull up to the hospital.

I shake my head, heart rate pounding in my ears.

"Hey now, you go in there with Lila and it will all be fine." My eyes flick down to Liam who is sleeping in his car seat beside me. "And Liam will be fine with me. Look I came prepared." He triumphantly holds up the teddy bear Liam loved. Sighing reluctantly, I climb out of the car after Mouse has got out for me.

I need to do this for my baby. Liam was a constant source of fear throughout the pregnancy as I had no idea if he was healthy, I just knew he was a boy. The only time I saw a doctor 18 weeks and he checked the gender. This baby needs to be healthy as well, and I need to know.

Once we arrive at the OBGYN floor, we are immediately shown into a room.

"This doctor is a high school friend of mine, I only wanted the best for you." Lila whispers beside me.

Once again I am astounded at everyone's kindness, I surely don't deserve it.

After a million questions that I answer to the best of my ability, which was shockingly low. I've been kept locked up so long I hardly know how to interact. I just miss Vidar.

The doctor clearly knows about my history, Lila must have told her before had, as she doesn't raise an eyebrow at my scars or bruises. Instead she offers so cream to soothe the bruising, I immediately accept.

A cold gel is squeezed onto my rounded stomach, internally and squealing at the cold, but I'm too tense, too frightened to even make a sound as the woman lowers the wand onto my belly.

"Congratulations mum, it's a girl."

The walls fall around me.

Not again.

I can't do it again.

I can't.

I can't.

Please god don't let it happen again.