We didn't fall asleep until very late that night, mostly because I couldn't let go of the fact that Ash thought Simon knew what we thought of him. Even if I had thought along those lines, there had been something about Simon that I couldn't quite put into words, something in his manner that told me it was probably true. I would have liked to have a well thought out plan of what we were going to do about it, while Ash mostly thought we could carry on as normal and just go with the flow. However, my enormous need to know everything in advance made me completely against that idea and we had fallen asleep agreeing to talk more about it the next day.

But the next day came and went and somehow it didn't feel as urgent anymore to raise the subject of Simon. Both Ash and I had found a new routine of sorts after he came home and although everything that had happened weighed heavily on both of us, the routine seemed to make us forget about it a little and neither of us wanted to upset it. We went to work, we made dinner, played games, and just hung out with each other. The only thing that broke the sense of normality was when Ash was called in for new hearings.

I tried not to let it affect me, but it went to hell every time. If Ash didn't say anything during the interviews, why did they insist on calling him again? Were they just doing it to psych him out? Or did they really have new questions to ask him? I tried to coax answers out of my dad, but he stubbornly insisted that he wasn't allowed to discuss it with outsiders. But he had also smiled and said that he couldn't stop Ash from talking to me about it if he wanted to. So, I directed my anxious questions to Ash instead, even though I could tell he seemed completely exhausted every time he came home from an interrogation.

"They just seem mostly desperate," Ash muttered as he lay down on the couch with his head in my lap after spending an entire evening in interrogation. "Frank said it was a good sign, but we shouldn't get our hopes up. But I'm getting pretty damn tired of this... Can't deal with this and Nathan at the same time. He hasn't texted you?"

"Why would he do that?" I asked in surprise.

"Uh, I don't know. Because he hasn't texted me. Thought he'd want to tell me something anyway."

The fact that Brady hadn't visited Nathan yet was the thing that seemed to affect Ash the most. He seemed completely convinced that Brady was planning to do something extra fucked up, just because it was Nathan. Nathan had always been the little one, the one who was innocent and needed to be protected at all costs. Nothing Nathan had ever done when they were younger had been wrong, Brady had defended him no matter what, while Ash had mostly thought Nathan had been a pampered brat. And the fact that Nathan had now also been "depraved" should have pissed Brady off more than anything.

Which was why Ash was sure something extra bad would come out of this. I hadn't been so sure about what Ash said, somehow, I still wanted to believe Brady was human, but nothing I said seemed to convince Ash otherwise. So, our discussions mostly ended in us agreeing to disagree.

On Friday there was at least some relatively good news when Florian joined us for lunch. I sat and listened as Ash and Chris discussed a game they liked, Ash lingering at our table pretending to fetch dishes and poking back and forth with our glasses. It was so strange to see Florian in his work clothes, it was as far from his usual style as it could possibly get.

"I've got a present for you, Ash," he smiled, not seeming to care in the least that he was interrupting a discussion about what weapon to use to best shoot Nazis at range.

Ash glanced up in surprise and Chris looked inquiringly at Florian, who politely greeted him.

"What do you mean?" Ash asked suspiciously.

"I've managed to get Keith banned from Cupid's," Florian grinned proudly, looking around as if he expected applause.

Ash's expression shifted the second Keith's name crossed Florian's lips and he looked darkly at Florian. I was confused, why wasn't he happy about it? Now we could go there without having to think about the risk of bumping into that idiot.

"What is Cupid's?" Chris said cheerfully, not seeming to notice the change in mood at all.

"My regular hangout," Ash muttered, then narrowed his eyes at Florian and continued in a harsher voice. "What the hell did you say to get the owner to agree to that?"

Florian looked indulgently at Ash, like he was a kid who didn't know any better.

"Now don't be a fool. I just told them exactly what a creep Keith is and that's good enough to get him banned, you know that. Besides, you seem to forget that me and Nicola sponsor Cupid's quite a bit, so it's in their interest, so to speak, to do what we're suggesting. Don't I get a thank you?"

He spread his arms as if expecting a hug, but Ash just rolled his eyes at him.

"Thank you," he said, smiling wryly. "Always some good news, can use some of that."

Then he suddenly looked at the entrance to the cafeteria and frowned. Florian's happy face had changed too, and for the first time I saw how Florian could look when he became worried. Before I could turn around to see what they were looking at, the explanation came to our table. It was Nathan.

My whole being went cold at once, there was only one reason why Nathan would come here and that was because Brady had finally visited him. And that he was now in the exact same situation Ash had been in. My brain began to frantically work on rearranging my apartment, rearranging the spaces so that maybe Nathan would fit in there too, even though I knew it wouldn't work. My apartment wasn't that big. But we had to do something to help him.

Nathan looked uncomfortably at Florian and Chris, like he would rather talk to Ash alone, but seemed to decide to say something anyway.

"Ash, it's been almost a week, I haven't heard shit from Brady and that's not normal," he got out. "He... before he knew he used to always call me, it was kind of a thing we had. And I don't fucking dare call him, what if he forgot everything and I call and remind him?"

At first it looked like Ash was about to say something, but then he stopped himself and clenched his jaws and pointed to a chair.

"Sit down."

Nathan sat down heavily next to Chris, who reached out to him, still not seeming to have picked up on the tense atmosphere. Or maybe he was trying his best to ignore it.

"Chris," Chris said. "Are you Ash's little brother?"

Nathan looked at Chris uncomprehendingly, as if wondering why Chris opened his mouth at all, but nodded, took his hand, and introduced himself. Then he turned to Ash again, his gaze desperate.

"I don't know what to do," he said. "I can't fucking study, I can't sleep, I can't do anything. Do you think he might have forgotten about it, somehow?"

"No way," Ash muttered. "Not with that look he gave me. But it could be that he hasn't said anything to dad yet. He said something about him being sick or something. I don't know. Nathan, you really need to forgive me, the things he said... it was kind of too much for me. But I promise to help you, no matter what."

"How the hell are you gonna do that?" Nathan asked angrily. "You don't even have your own place, do you?"

Then Florian stretched as if taking command of the table.

"Now let's just calm down," he smiled exuberantly. "Nathan, you don't know me, but I'm a very good friend of your brother's and would do anything for him. And that generosity extends even to little brothers who get into trouble, okay? Ash has been staying with me, so can you. We got room. And you were perfectly fine staying with me, weren't you Ash?"

Ash quickly glanced at me, and I did everything I could to stop the very inappropriate giggle that threatened to come out of me. What was it Ash had said about staying with Florian? That Florian was flamboyant and annoying to live with. He couldn't possibly say that to his face.

"Absolutely," Ash said with such conviction that I was surprised Florian didn't notice it was a complete lie. "But we don't know anything yet, so try to stay calm Nathan."

"Fucking easy for you to say, you're not dependent on them anymore," Nathan muttered.

I saw the exact moment when it all spilled over for Ash. There was a flash of anger in his eyes, and he slammed the glass he was holding down in front of Nathan and stared him straight in the eye.

"Well for fuck's sake, don't keep being that then," he growled. "It's no more difficult than that. What the hell do you think I'm doing? I'm looking for an apartment, I have a job and I earn my own money. You're not even taking out student loans to go to school, are you? Don't come whining about being dependent on them when you're not doing shit to not be. It's too fucking convenient for you, isn't it? You spoiled little punk."

There was silence around the table. Chris looked like he was trying his best to look like he hadn't heard anything and was devoting all his attention to his last meatball. Florian looked tired and Nathan had his eyes fixed on the tabletop. There was a lot more to Ash's words than I realized. After all, he hadn't talked much about his and Nathan's relationship, other than that he was the youngest brother who could never do wrong. But the thing was, Nathan had all the things Ash would have had if he'd kept quiet about his sexuality. So, there wasn't just jealousy in his words, there was guilt too.

Ash gave me a pained look and grabbed the cart again and started walking away from the table. I knew he couldn't stand to be there anymore, and I just stroked his hand as he walked past me. Nathan got up too and at the same moment my phone rang, and I answered it while still watching after Ash.

"What... Jamie?" my dad said with bewilderment in his voice.

"Yes?"

"Oh dear, I've called the wrong number," my father replied frantically. "But it doesn't matter, do you have Ash around? I need to talk to him."

My stomach clenched. When my dad's voice sounded so stressed, it was serious. I called out to Ash, who had made it halfway to the kitchen with his cart and held the phone up to him. He looked at me questioningly but hesitantly took the phone and said his name. Then he stood silently listening for a long time, looking blankly around the room. I tried discreetly to catch his eye, but it was impossible. What the hell did my father say to him? I couldn't make it out at all from the look on his face and it only made me more nervous.

"Who is it?" Florian whispered.

"My dad," I said, glancing again at Ash, who now opened his mouth for the first time.

"Why?" was the only word that crossed his lips.

He was silent again when my father evidently answered the question and then he caught my worried gaze. He seemed completely in shock. He said a stammering thank you and goodbye and slowly handed the phone back to me and I expected my dad to still be on the line, but he wasn't.

"Ash, what happened?" I said, completely failing to hide my panic.

"The bastard has withdrawn his report."