The café opposite Cupid's Den was cozy, with old worn couches and armchairs in different colors, lots of small lamps that gave a gentle glow and soft music in the background. We sat down so that we were overlooking the window and Ash insisted on treating both me and Simon, so when he came back with the tray, he had a pot of coffee and three giant pieces of cake. He just grinned as Simon looked in shock at the piece of cake in front of him, but I could see him occasionally glancing at his phone. Even though we may have managed to get him out of the destructive train of thought, the fact still remained. And I assumed he was hoping for a sign of life from Nathan.

"First time I've ever gotten cake as a thank you for a blowjob," Simon said, grinning as he licked cream off his index finger.

"That wasn't a blowjob," Ash said emphatically. "That was a fucking revelation. An intervention."

"Thank Jamie," Simon smiled at me. "Without him, it wouldn't have worked at all."

I opened my mouth to protest, since I hadn't come up with the idea for the distraction, but then Ash put a finger over my mouth and looked at me seriously.

"No, not a peep," he said. "Simon's absolutely right. If it wasn't for you, I'd be in a police car right now. And if someone else had said that to me, I probably wouldn't have cared at all. So, thank you."

He brushed his finger across my lips, and I suddenly realized that I was probably the only one he really listened to. Even though he didn't always do exactly as I wanted, he did listen. And in this case, he had listened to me, and I was very happy about that. It would have been either that or try to get him so drunk he couldn't do anything.

"But I'm not taking credit for ingenuity," I grinned wryly and took a bite of the cake to keep them from seeing the redness that was annoyingly making its way up my cheeks. "That one's on you, Simon."

Simon stretched his chest proudly. Then we ate in silence for a little while, it was as if everyone suddenly had something to think about and in my own head the events in the booth were spinning faster and faster. It wasn't that I regretted what had happened, quite the opposite, I had enjoyed it more than I thought I would. But it felt like some kind of line had been crossed and I couldn't for the life of me figure out what it was. That paranoid voice inside me, constantly reminding me of what was normal and what wasn't had been quiet for a long time, but now something was buzzing anyway.

Is this normal? What is really normal?

I tried to remind myself of what Ash had said, that as long as we were adults and didn't force each other to do anything, we could do whatever we wanted. The problem wasn't really that. If there was a problem at all. I wanted to talk to Ash myself, I finally realized. I needed to talk to him about Simon. What had happened. If anything had happened. Maybe I was just being myself and over-analyzing everything.

Ash picked up his phone, which until now he had left face down on the table. He drew a slow breath and frowned. I was immediately drawn back to the present.

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?" he muttered, flipping his phone in his hands. "Should I text Nathan or not? I mean, I wanna know if something happened, but he's probably too angry to answer. Or maybe Brady's still there. I don't want to seem hysterical."

"You're not being hysterical," Simon said calmly. "You care, there's a fucking difference."

"The worst that can happen is that he doesn't answer," I filled in, looking at Ash encouragingly.

He gave up a short laugh, which mostly sounded like a groan.

"Well, the worst that can happen is that I get the answer that he's been thrown out headfirst and now has nowhere to live."

He was absolutely right, and I cursed myself for my own idiocy. Ash looked like he was trying to focus and quickly started typing a message. My whole being was hoping that Brady had come to his senses, that some damn miracle had happened, but I wasn't hopeful about it. The way he'd been acting at my house, it wouldn't be unlikely that Nathan was actually standing on the street in this very moment. When Ash put the phone down again, he let out a long sigh and looked up at the ceiling. Simon put a hand on his shoulder.

"It'll be all right," Simon said. "Whatever happens, you've got people around you and so does Nathan. You've got Jamie and Florian. And Florian can't help but lend a hand if he gets the chance, you know that. And you've got me too. Not that I've got much to offer, but I can at least listen."

Ash smiled wearily at Simon and me and took my hand across the table.

"Promise me you'll stop me if I do anything stupid again, okay?" he asked. "Because I'm not really sure I can stop myself."

Simon grinned and made a salute.

"You don't even have to ask," I said, smiling.

There was a buzz and Ash almost flinched at the sound, picking up his phone at the speed of light. Both Simon and I looked at him tensely and inside me it went like a mantra. Let it be good news. Please. But I couldn't make out from Ash's expression what it said, he just frowned and looked confused. Finally, I couldn't hold it in any longer.

"What did he write?"

"That Brady hadn't been there at all," Ash muttered absently.

"Well, isn't that a good thing?" said Simon in surprise.

"Don't know." Ash shrugged. "Feels creepy that he didn't do what I thought he would. But maybe he thought it was too late or something. I guess he'll be there early tomorrow instead, banging on the door."

He snorted and looked out the window, taking a big gulp of coffee. I silently made the active choice to interpret Brady's absence as meaning that there was still a small chance that he was still human in some way. Even if it wasn't likely.

"Interesting clientele coming to Cupid's these days," Ash grinned, as if he wanted to talk about something else, and pointed out the window.

The group that just walked into the club certainly didn't look like the target audience for Cupid's Den though, it seemed a long way off. It was four men, all dressed in khaki pants and neat windbreakers, and they mostly looked like they'd come straight from some office somewhere. Had they made a bet that they would be daring to enter a gay bar?

"Cops," Simon said with conviction. "Plainclothes. Their car is further down the street. Thought Cupid's was relatively drug-free, but apparently not."

We debated for a while over how Simon could be so sure they were cops, but Simon stood his ground and then I just couldn't help but tease him for being able to point out cops so easily. What had he done to get that ability anyway? Simon had just grinned and said that Ash wasn't the only one with a weird family, even if his own family was maybe a bit weird in the other direction. His older brother was in jail for dealing, for the fourth time in a row.

After a while the neatly dressed men came out again and between them, to my surprise, they held the two friends Keith had brought with him. They didn't look as if they had put up any resistance, but walked calmly between the policemen, looking mostly anxious. I looked confusedly at Simon, but he seemed equally oblivious. Ash laughed ruefully.

"What the hell do you think, you thought Keith was hanging out with decent people? Now the bastard will have to sit alone in there too, karma's a fine thing. Now I can go home with no problem."

***

We went home shortly after we saw Keith's mates go off in the unmarked police cars and Ash spent the whole way home gloating. It was like he didn't want to think about anything else, the fact that Nathan hadn't had a visit from Brady didn't concern him at all and I let him be. If this was what he needed to do to maintain his fragile sense of calm, I had no problem with it. The problem was that I wanted to talk about Simon. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get that nagging feeling out of my head and sitting there thinking about it myself only made it worse.

"You're thinking about something," Ash murmured when we were finally under the covers, brushing a lock of hair from my forehead. "What is it?"

I didn't even know how to begin. It wasn't a specific problem I had, it wasn't even a problem to begin with, just a feeling that I couldn't quite make sense of.

"Well, you know Simon..." I started uncertainly but broke off when I saw Ash crack an unbelievable smile.

"I was just wondering when that would come up," he grinned.

"What do you mean?" I said, almost becoming annoyed at how easily he could read me.

He nuzzled closer to me and gently put a hand on the back of my neck. The look he gave me was both curious and searching, yet so open that it was too hard to maintain my irritation.

"Last time the focus was entirely on you, and it wasn't like that this time around. This time it was more of a mutual thing, wasn't it? And that sort of thing can be more... sensitive, I think. As I said, I've never been in a situation like this, on this side if you know what I mean. But I thought about it when he kissed me. How you would feel about it. How did you feel about it? Or was it something you planned?"

Of course, nothing was planned, at least not on my part. I had no idea what Simon had in mind when he talked about distracting Ash, I had just agreed to do it and trusted Simon completely. And the feeling I had gotten when I watched them was certainly nothing I'd expected either and I was unsure what Ash thought about me not getting jealous for some reason. I should have been jealous, after all, it was another guy kissing my boyfriend. Was he going to think I didn't care? That I didn't like him enough to care? That wasn't the case at all.

"Earth to Jamie?"

I flinched and came back to reality when Ash snapped his fingers in front of my face.

"I... don't know, I reacted differently than I thought I would," I admitted. "But I had no idea what he was planning, other than to try and get your mind off things. What did you think yourself?"

But Ash just shook his head.

"Nooo, don't even try," he smiled crookedly. "We're not done with you yet. What do you mean, different?"

I squirmed. How the hell was I supposed to explain this? How did you say you got turned on by watching your boyfriend with other guys? Well, one specific guy. And it wasn't just that, it was that line too, it didn't just have to do with them kissing each other. It was something more than that.

"I thought I was gonna get jealous and pissed off at Simon. But it was... fucking hot to see you two together. Damn, that sounds crazy."

"Why?" Ash said. "I like seeing you with him, there's no difference, right? But I'll tell you what I thought. I was fucking surprised at first, but... I liked it. Otherwise, you'd probably have seen me protest more. But I don't really feel like that's the reason you look so concerned, actually."

"Why do you like seeing me with him?" I suddenly blurted out.

I realized a second later that it wasn't what I really wanted to know at all. It was the opposite, I wanted to know why I liked watching Ash with Simon. But I could only answer that myself. Ash looked even more serious and seemed to be thinking. Then he supported his chin in one hand.

"That's a damn tricky question," he said slowly. "He... I trust him. He's kind of on the same... wavelength as me. Shit, I'm just rambling. I like him, plain and simple. But not at all in the same way I like you, it's not about that in any way. I don't know, it's hard to explain... Does that make you nervous? Because I don't want you to be. I love you, you understand me?"

He took my hand and looked at me worriedly, like I was going to rush up and leave him the next second. I didn't. After all, he had answered the question I really wanted to ask myself. And the answer had been almost exactly what I would have answered, I knew suddenly with a strange kind of clarity. I liked Simon, too.

"No, not nervous," I replied, looking at him. "I feel... much the same way. I was just so worried that it was just my very overactive brain. And it makes me feel better that I'm not the only one. It just doesn't feel... normal."

"So we both like him, so what?" Ash said calmly. "We're open about it to each other, and it doesn't interfere with our relationship, does it? Normal is just a word made up by someone because they can't see past the tip of their fucking nose."

I suddenly couldn't contain myself any longer and pulled Ash into a tight hug. I was so incredibly relieved that he took it so easily, that he didn't think it seemed weird. He trailed his fingers down my back and gave me a light kiss on the nose. But one thing remained, I realized. Even if the two of us agreed on what we felt, there was still one more in the mix.

"But don't you think Simon will be completely freaked out if we said anything to him? What the hell would he think of us if he found out?"

Ash smiled and raised one eyebrow.

"I'm pretty sure he already knows, Jamie."