"What the hell makes you think you're welcome here?" Ash finally growled.

"From what I understand, this isn't your apartment, so you have no say in the matter anyway," Brady replied coldly. "I'm not even going to ask what you do to get permission to sleep here, but I assume you have some kind of deal with him there?"

He looked at me with a look of disgust and I flinched at the sudden flare of anger I felt. How dare he say such a thing to my face? How the hell could I have been such a coward to let this fucking idiot in? Now, for the first time, I could see with my own eyes what Ash meant when he talked about his family.

"Don't bring Jamie into this," Ash spat, walking towards Brady. "Tell me what it is you have to say and then you can fuck off because I don't want you here."

I could see how Ash would have loved to just give his brother a good kicking, but Brady was a giant compared to Ash and the aura of big brother was shining off him so it was probably lucky Ash could control himself.

"Don't think you can behave any way you want just because we don't want to associate with you," Brady said. "You gotta think about family, you know? And don't act like a thug, which apparently, you're starting to do now, too. Beating people up without provocation, what on earth are you up to?"

Ash's knuckles whitened as he gripped the back of the kitchen chair tighter, clutching it with one hand. His jaw gritted, but he still stood silently, saying nothing. Uneasiness was crawling inside me.

"Don't you have anything to say? I can tell you that I haven't said anything to father yet, he shouldn't have to hear such things right now. His health is not so good, so if he were to find out about your latest bravado, it might only get worse."

Brady took an authoritative step towards Ash, and I was instantly terrified that he was going to hit him. Ash flinched but didn't back down. But the blow didn't come. Brady stepped closer only to better look down on Ash, in both senses of the word.

"You're tarnishing the family's reputation, do you understand that? Now all my colleagues know that I have a thug brother, how do you think it is when you have my position? How it will be reflected when I apply for higher positions within the department? You're embarrassing me, that's what you're doing. Embarrassing me with your activities and your unspeakable way of life. You should be ashamed, and now you've started fighting too, as if all else weren't enough. How dare you be so selfish and irresponsible?"

"Shut your mouth before you get all the facts straight, Brady," Ash suddenly exploded, the words pouring out of him. "Selfish? Where the hell were you when Nathan was raped? Who did he call when he needed help? Who was it that tracked down the guy who did it and beat the shit out of him? It sure as hell wasn't you."

He fell silent and looked down at the floor. I stood in complete shock and watched Brady. All the color had drained from Brady's face and his eyes were fixed on Ash. Ash finally looked up again and silently met his gaze. It was like time stood still and I didn't even dare to breathe. Had Ash planned to say this, or had it just happened?

Without so much as a word, Brady walked out of the kitchen and yanked open the front door, leaving us, the door slammed shut and the sound echoed into the apartment. Ash remained standing with his hand on the back of the chair, seemingly unable to move or speak. He certainly hadn't planned this; I could see that clearly now. Now it was out. I took a deep breath and tried to get my thoughts going again. What the hell was going to happen now?

Ash suddenly snapped out of his paralysis and stared at me in despair. I just wanted to curl up, if it hadn't been for me being such a wimp and not daring to stop Brady from coming into the apartment, this never would have happened. But now it was too late. Way too late. With shaking hands, Ash reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out his phone.

"I-I have to warn Nathan," he stuttered frantically, bringing the phone to his ear.

Of course. Brady would probably go to Nathan the first thing he did after this news. Scold him, too, probably. Not even bother with what had actually happened. It was just seething inside me.

"Your brother-," I hissed, but Ash just shushed me.

I faintly heard Nathan answer at the other end.

"Nathan, I'm so sorry," Ash said, his voice almost breaking. "I... Brady was here and... he provoked the hell out of me... I... I didn't mean it, but I... it just came out of me."

Now I could clearly hear Nathan's upset voice yelling at Ash, what did he mean.

"I didn't mean it," Ash repeated into the receiver. "I... will fix this, I promise Nathan, I-,"

There was a sudden silence and Ash looked at his phone. His chest heaved in rapid movements like he was hyperventilating, and I quickly put a hand on his shoulder. This wasn't his fault, after all, I'd heard what Brady said myself, it was no wonder it had gotten the better of him. I wanted to say something to calm him down, but no matter how I tried to think of something, my mind was at a standstill. I didn't want to risk putting my foot in my mouth either and that was all too easy to do now. Ash slammed the phone down on the table and ran both hands hard through his hair, groaning dismally.

"Damn it to hell," he croaked. "Why couldn't I've just stood there and taken it? I've done it before without any problems, but now I apparently had to open my fucking mouth and ruin everything, how the fuck can I be so easily provoked? Fuck!"

He squeezed his eyes shut for a brief second and then walked out into the living room. There he began to pace aimlessly while pressing his hands to his temples. It hurt me to see him so upset and I wanted so much to help, but with what? I couldn't do a damn thing. Then I thought of the wine bottle. I thought we could share it, whether things went well or not.

"I bought some wine," I said gently, trying to catch his eye. "Would you like some to calm your brain?"

He looked at me and it was clear how he was trying to control himself from looking so panicked, but I saw right through him. Desperation was in his eyes.

"You're wonderful, Jamie, but I need something stronger than that," he said with a joyless smile. "I need to distract myself, I need to... I need to get away for a bit, I'm going crazy right now and I need to get away. Come with me to Cupid's, please?"

I would have gone with him to the ends of the earth if he'd asked me, so the Cupid's Den was easy to say yes to. Maybe the feeling of having people around would calm him down, he was different from me when it came to what calmed him. But I couldn't help but think what the consequences of his confession would be now.

Would Brady tell the investigators about this and maybe get Ash released and Keith taken in instead? Or was Brady so hateful that he thought Nathan was just getting what he deserved because he lied about who he was? From what I had seen of Brady, it could very well be the latter and it made me so angry I hardly knew what to do with myself.

On the way to the club, I had asked Ash if he wanted to talk about it, but he had quietly shaken his head and said that right now he just wanted to get away. But after a short while he added that he'd probably be more talkative tomorrow, after it settled down a bit. I remembered back to what he had said when his apartment was taken from him. That he reacted violently, but that it settled down pretty quickly. I sincerely hoped that was the case now too, but I felt doubtful. This was bigger than an apartment.

I had hoped that Florian would be at the club when we got there, since he was the one who had known Ash the longest, but he was nowhere to be seen and we only managed to get a small table at the far end of the club, next to the door to the toilets. As we sat down, I saw Simon standing at the bar and his eyes went wide when he saw us, and he quickly walked over to us with a surprised look on his face. The feeling of unease I thought I would get didn't come, strangely I just felt relieved to see him. He and Ash seemed to be getting along, so maybe I would get some help in keeping Ash from falling too far.

"Have you been released?" Simon said as he came over and sat at our table.

Ash just gave him an impatient look and stood up.

"Jamie, you can explain, I'm going to the bar," he muttered and made his way away.

Simon looked at me in confusion.

"I said something stupid now, didn't I?" he said slowly.

"He's just out on bail," I said quietly. "And you may know of his family?"

"I get that they're narrow-minded idiots, that' all. And when he called from jail, he said something about his brother being a cop and that's why he wouldn't say anything."

There was no point in trying to sugarcoat it anymore, I realized. If Ash couldn't explain, I would. So, I did. Simon's face grew more and more horrified as I went on, and when I finished with what had happened in the kitchen an hour or so ago, Simon leaned back in his chair and looked towards the bar.

"Fuck, that was worse than I thought," he muttered. "Do you want help keeping an eye on him?"

I nodded silently and watched Ash come back. He set a tray filled with shots down on the table and plopped down next to me. His gaze was filled with a kind of strange purposefulness and without a word he handed me and Simon a shot each and then took a shot in each hand and raised them both. Simon glanced at me warily.

"There you go," Ash said. "The rest are mine. Guess you've got the situation figured out now, Simon?"

He gave Simon a probing look and Simon just nodded.

"Then we might as well party hard, right? I've managed to fuck up two lives at once, it's not every fucking day I do that. So, here's to that."

Then he downed both shots one after the other in one gulp and immediately picked up two more glasses. I just sipped my shot. It felt so wrong to drink to what he had just said, and my stomach clenched just looking at him. He seemed determined to completely destroy this day and although I could understand why, I didn't want to see him go down like this.

"Don't you think you're getting ahead of yourself here?" Simon said. "You can't know what's coming."

"You don't know my brother," Ash quipped irritably, downing another shot.

"But you don't know my dad either," I countered, pointing my untouched shot at Ash. "You don't know what he can do, he's a damn good lawyer actually."

Ash gave me a constricted look but said nothing. Instead, he grabbed the hand I was holding the glass in and brought it to his mouth, drinking up my shot as well. If he kept this up, he'd pass out pretty soon. And maybe that was a good thing? Maybe he just needed to forget about this whole day and wake up tomorrow with a clearer head?

It continued along much the same lines for half an hour, Ash squeezing in shot after shot as he made venomous comments about his brother and himself, while Simon and I tried to get him to snap out of it. It seemed impossible to get him to change his mind, so when he suddenly looked up with wide eyes, I thought we'd actually said something that stuck.

But it was worse than that. Ash gripped my upper arm so tightly that I grunted, and I looked in the same direction he did. At the entrance, I was horrified to see Keith come in, along with two others. An icy lump of terror landed in my stomach, and I stared at Simon, who had seen the same thing.

"Easy now..." Simon whispered cautiously, placing his hand over Ash's hand on the table.

Ash exhaled hard between his teeth and his fingers dug harder into my skin. He couldn't do anything stupid now, no matter what happened he couldn't do anything.

Keith had now spotted Ash and was giving him a superior grin as he walked towards the bar. I struggled not to just run up from the booth and slap that grin off his face. Ash flinched so bad that Simon had to forcefully hold his hand to the table.

"Fuck, I gonna smash him to pieces," he growled and I could feel his body tense. "Let me go, I've already fucked up twice, so it doesn't matter if I do it again."

"Hey!" I said sharply and grabbed his jaw. "It does matter. If you do that you wipe away any chance of this ever going your way. You'll go back to jail in a heartbeat, you get it? You don't want that. And I sure as hell don't want that. Hear me?"

He just stared at me in silence for a long while, like he was processing what I had just said. Then he closed his eyes and seemed to relax a little, as Simon didn't have to use all his strength to hold him in place anymore.

"Shit..." Ash breathed and opened his eyes again, gaze filled with anguish. "I... won't be able to control myself if I see him around. I... I have to..."

He stood up suddenly and I was terrified he was going to go for Keith, but instead he went straight into the bathroom, and I let out a shaky breath. Simon shook his head slowly and then looked at me. His gaze was serious, but there was something else in it too and I couldn't quite read it.

"Are you up for distracting Ash so he forgets about this?" he asked, keeping my gaze in his. "If I take the lead on it, will you do as I say? I'm asking you because you're his and he's yours and you're also not wearing your collar. But you and I both know what he likes, don't we? Are you up for it?"

Why did I feel like I could trust him? I didn't have the faintest idea, but I did. Something in me told me that Simon knew just how he and I could shake Ash, I wasn't sure how but that we could do it felt absolutely certain.

"Tell me what to do and I'll do it," I said in a steady voice.