I had left Ash alone in the afternoon when he talked to Nathan. I didn't want to know what he was saying, whether he was trying to convince Nathan or something else. I didn't want to get my hopes up. There was a part of me that desperately wanted to believe that Ash's family, his father and brother, couldn't be as awful as he made them out to be, even if it was a fact that Ash had even been evicted by his own father.

I wanted so badly to believe that there was a way out of this. Especially after Ash came back home, I didn't know what I would do with myself if he disappeared again. Before, I could have easily imagined myself being alone for the rest of my life, I had everything so perfectly mapped out, but now it was suddenly impossible for me to imagine being without him for even a week. What had happened to me?

When Ash came out of the bedroom where he had locked himself away to talk, he looked distressed. In his hand was a pillow, which he placed on one of the kitchen chairs. I had, for lack of anything else to do, started to cook some sort of food, even though my head wasn't really in the game. Without saying anything, he took a gentle grip on my shoulders, pried the spoon I was holding out of my hand and pushed me towards the chair where he gently pushed me down onto the pillow.

"Does the pillow help?" he said, looking down at me.

"Yes," I smiled wryly.

"Good. Because I need to distract myself with something, so I'll fix you dinner instead. You just need to sit and keep me company."

He looked thoughtfully down into the pot where I'd poured the onions and mince, then went to the fridge and started digging out more stuff. Was I even going to ask him how the conversation went? He seemed so completely focused on the cooking, as if he didn't want to be reminded of it at all. I didn't want to force him to recall anything, but at the same time that annoying little selfish animal inside me wanted to know. Demanded answers.

Ash held up a jalapeño and looked at me questioningly with raised eyebrows.

"Be... careful with it," I said, smiling sheepishly. "Might get strong."

He rolled his eyes and without hesitation began chopping the entire fruit, then swiped it all into the pot.

"I'll make you go outside your comfort zone here too," he grinned, coming up to me and planting a light kiss on my forehead. "And consider yourself lucky that you took off your collar, or I might have caressed your bare ass with these hands."

He held up fingers wet with jalapeño juice and winked. And I was definitely glad that I had taken off my collar. Even if the pillow helped, I'd have to stand up at work for days, I was sure of it.

"How... was Nathan?" I asked gently, careful not to sound too inquisitive.

He didn't answer right away but stirred the pot for a while.

"He first thought I'd been released and was overjoyed," he finally said. "So, I had to explain. Who coughed up the money, by the way? Don't tell me it was you?"

I shifted my weight. It felt somehow childish to admit that it had been my father who had done it, and I didn't even know if he considered it a loan or not. So in the end, maybe it was me after all.

"My dad fixed it," I admitted. "He said we shouldn't worry about it now."

Ash turned and looked at me with a shaken face.

"Oh my God, I have to pay him back," he said with emphasis. " I don't know how, but I have to."

"Screw that now," I muttered uncomfortably. "You're here, that's all that matters right now."

He was silent, seeming to go back to cooking, but I could tell from his expression that there was something he really wanted to say. I didn't want to press him, if I did, we might have another falling out and that would be the worst thing that could happen. So, I got up and started setting the table instead and left him alone.

"Fuck, I really want to find a way out of this," he groaned after a while, grabbing my arm and pulling me close to him. "I want you to know that, Jamie. It's not that I'm doing this because I like it or don't care about you, I just-,"

"I know," I cut him off and put my hands on his cheeks. "I get it. You don't have to explain."

He buried his face in my neck and I just stood and hugged him. I felt so terribly sorry for him, and my entire core just roared in frustration at not being able to do anything. Not being able to help. Because what the hell could I really do?

"I just feel so fucking selfish..." I heard him whisper against the skin on my neck. "Part of me just wants Nathan to spill everything so I can get away from this shit. But at the same time, I don't want that. Don't want him to experience what I've been through, after all. It's enough that one member of the family has."

"But... what if Nathan just says it was an assault?"

He stretched and looked thoughtful. Then he looked at me with furrowed eyebrows and nodded. A gentle smile spread across his lips.

"Maybe... maybe it'll work," he said slowly. "I promised Nathan I'd come over after work tomorrow anyway, I'll see what he thinks about it. Doesn't hurt to ask anyway. Let's eat! You haven't had Bolognese until you've had my Bolognese."

There were no pillows at work, so I had to put up with having to stand and work, while people gave me puzzled looks. I guess they were used to seeing me hunched over in my office chair and wondered what had made that die-hard computer geek finally care about his posture and stand at his desk. It was hard not to smile at the thought of how they would react if I told them I had to stand up because I'd been spanked by my boyfriend and my ass was hurting like hell right now.

Chris had asked me in surprise if I had back pain when he came to pick me up for lunch and I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing. After a second of intense self-debating, I replied that I read that standing up was good for the brain. Complete bullshit, but I suspected that Chris had no idea it was. And I was right, because he discreetly raised his own desk when we got back up to the office.

Ash had been in a much happier mood since he decided to try to convince Nathan to go with some sort of half lie and his mood immediately rubbed off on me. It was so nice to see him relax a bit, my mind calmed down just looking at him and he was in my head the whole time I was working. Whatever happened when he met his brother tonight, I would wait for him with a bottle of wine at home, easy as that. Whether it was a good or bad meeting, I would be there for him.

After we split up in the lobby that afternoon, I went and got a bottle of wine, without having the slightest idea of what wine was good or not. But I figured that if the bottle was expensive, it should taste good too. The hope in me that everything would work out just got bigger and bigger, and even though I knew somewhere that it was stupid to think that way, I couldn't help it. It was like waiting for your own birthday. I had no idea what was going to happen, but it was going to be good, I just knew it.

I had been playing for an hour when the doorbell rang. It could only be my sister; Ash had a key. But Zoey never rang the doorbell without announcing it beforehand, so there was a chance it was some kind of salesperson. But it was nothing of the sort and when I came face to face with the person in the doorway, I froze up completely. I stared straight into a police ID. The man holding the ID was built like a house, at least a head taller than me and with short, cropped hair.

"Is this where Ash lives?" he said without introducing himself, and I cursed myself for being so shocked that I hadn't even noticed his name on the badge.

"Yes?" I said uncertainly.

The police should already know that, right? Or did they want to check that I was telling the truth? I swallowed, trying not to look as terrified as I felt.

"Good," the man said. "My name is Brady and I'm his brother and I'm going to talk to him."

The floor rocked beneath me. Brady. Why the hell did he want to talk to Ash? I thought they didn't even want to touch him with pliers. The man who claimed to be Ash's older brother looked at me coldly, insistently.

This isn't happening!

"He's not home," I said.

"Then I'll come in and wait for him."

It wasn't even a question, it was a statement. I didn't know what to do. Could I refuse him entry? He was a cop, was it even legal to deny a cop access when they asked for it? I had no idea. He had shown his police badge, so maybe he was here in the role of police officer and not big brother. But then he wouldn't have presented himself like that, would he? My mind raced and I could see Brady looking more and more annoyed. He took a step closer to me. I didn't dare do anything but let him in.

He walked straight into the kitchen, without taking off his jacket or shoes, and sat down bolt upright at the kitchen table. I followed, my heart hammering in the pit of my throat. Would I have to sit and chat with him now? He didn't look like the type to do that.

"Do... you want coffee?" came out of me and I hated myself for it.

I didn't want to be nice to him, but my damn upbringing had taken over and spoke for me instead. He shook his head briefly.

"I have no reason to talk to you," he said shortly, looking demonstratively out the window. "I'm here for Ash and no one else. You can get on with whatever you were doing."

Not wanting to say something very rude, I turned on the heel without saying a word and walked out into the living room. There I sank down on the couch and stared at the paused game on the TV screen. There was no way I could even manage to play with that guy in the next room. It was like he was emitting an icy chill that just spread throughout the apartment and I was sort of paralyzed.

Was Ash going to be pissed at me for letting Brady in? After all, I hardly had a choice, the police badge had left me completely blank in the head. Christ, I needed to warn him. I threw myself over my phone that was on the table and quickly began to formulate a text message. But seconds after I pressed send, I heard someone pull the front door open. I rushed to the hall, but it was too late. Ash stood frozen, staring into the kitchen. Brady had gotten up from his chair and was staring back.