It looked like Nathan tried to say something but failed.

"Does dear Dad know that you're here, or do you tell him that you go to bible studies at night?" Ash spat, his voice dripping with resentment. "Or no, wait! Do you tell him that you spend the night with your church-approved girlfriend?"

I glanced at Ash. His eyes glowed with malicious joy, and I didn't really know if I liked it. Sure, he had every right to gloat, but was his brother the right person to take it out on?

"Ash, I–," Nathan started, stuttering, but Ash interrupted him.

"Do you like your apartment? Gotta feel damn nice now, to get to do whatever you want without dad knowing about it. Smart move not to tell him anything, guess you realized that after what they did to me. So if you keep your mouth shut and find some chick willing to play devout girlfriend, I'll bet you can get away with it for years before he finds out."

Nathan had become pale as a ghost and turned around without saying another word and went for the exit. Ash watched him leave, venom in his gaze and then he turned back to me and Florian again. He grabbed the drink from the table.

"Cheers to an interesting night," he muttered and knocked back the whole drink in one gulp.

"That was pretty fucking unnecessary," Florian reproached.

"Why?" Ash said. "I don't want him to believe that he can get away with it just because he acts all innocently in front of dad. This is fucking karma at its finest, my dad treats me like shit for being gay and he gets another gay son. Unbelievable."

Florian opened his mouth to say something, but Ash just stood up and took me with him.

"I wanna dance," he said unfazed. "Dance with me, Jamie."

He didn't want to stay and listen to what Florian had to say, that was obvious, but I had no intention of letting him off the hook either. Even if I understood his actions, he needed to understand that his brother was in the exact spot as he once was, ten years ago. Granted, Nathan hadn't said anything to his father, but I was sure that he was just as lost and insecure as Ash must have been. If not more. Nathan didn't need a big brother teasing him right now.

A slow song played as we made our way to the dancefloor, and it was rather crowded. I desperately scanned the other couples to see how they moved. I hadn't set my foot on a dancefloor since middle school, and I suspected that the practice had changed somewhat since then. But Ash saw my awkwardness and pulled me into an embrace and closed his arms around my waist.

"Hands around my neck, kitten," he whispered in my ear and started to slowly move to the music.

"I think you should talk to your brother," I said after a couple of turns around the dancefloor.

Ash held me closer, trailing his fingers down my back.

"Why?" he mumbled, and I felt him sliding his hands under the waistband of my pants.

His hands moved across my ass and pressed, making my crotch grind against him. He was trying to distract me, the bastard. I closed my eyes and tried to gather myself not to fall for his invites.

"Because I think he needs you. Think about it, wouldn't you want a brother to talk to if you were new to this? To even have the guts to go to this bar is pretty ballsy of him."

Ash didn't say anything, instead he started to slowly move us towards the outer wall of the dancefloor, all the while planting light kisses along my jawline. I bumped into the wall with my back and Ash placed my hands on his ass and kissed me. I fought to keep my resolve to talk to him, even if the desire started to tear in me and the will to just give in grew bigger.

"Do you hear what I'm saying?" I said panting and held his cheeks between my cupped hands to make him look at me.

"He was hitting on you," he murmured and pushed me harder against the wall. "He didn't seem to need my help that much, cocky fucker."

But this time I wouldn't let him win me over, no matter how he tried. I remembered what Florian had said. Even if I could understand that his wounds went deep, Ash had a chance now to reconcile with at least a part of his family. The question was if I could get him to overcome that initial reluctance to meet Nathan. He had said that he didn't think Nathan was like the others. Wouldn't it be extra stupid then to treat him like he was like the others? Then it hit me. I could use Ash's own technique against him. Maybe it was mean and maybe I would regret it immensely, but it was worth a shot. Sex as a weapon.

"If you go to him tonight and give him a chance, I promise you that you can do whatever you want with me tomorrow."

Ash, who had been kissing and nibbling at my neck, just froze in his tracks. That seemed to have struck a chord in him and he looked up at me with a fiendish smile. He caressed my cheek.

"The whole day and the whole night?" he asked and there was anticipation in his voice.

I nodded and tried to convince myself that what I had just suggested wasn't complete madness. Even if my own imagination was enough to envision what could happen, I also knew that Ash had an infernal creativity.

Oh shit, I will so regret this.

"You really do want me to talk to my brother," he smiled. "Because apparently you have no idea what you just agreed to."

"I have one condition," I said, not quite being able to mask my nervousness. "That you talk to him right now."

Ash grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the exit at once, at the same time waving goodbye to Florian.

"No problem. But I want you with me, because I don't want to hear later that you think I just pretended to talk to him. Your promise is far too good for me to risk something like that."

When we got to Ash's old building, I had to convince him to use the intercom instead of just using the door code. I wanted to give his brother a chance to prepare before we stood in front of him and the time it took for us to ride the elevator up would have to suffice. The intercom went silent for a long time after Ash had spoken up, but finally the buzz sounded, and the door unlocked. Ash had gotten more and more quiet and was now standing next to me, looking into the elevator mirror with a vacant gaze.

"Are you ok?" I asked quietly.

Maybe I had demanded too much of him? Had he accepted to do this just because of my offer or did he understand deep down that he had to do this?

"No, I'm not ok," Ash mumbled. "I wanna crawl out of my damn skin right now but I guess that you're right. I need to do this. But he shouldn't have flirted with you, he's a fucking kid."

The elevator came to a halt, and we exited. Ash stepped up to the door and rang the bell. The door opened so fast that I realized that Nathan must have stood there just waiting for us. He looked cautiously at Ash, who didn't meet his gaze.

"Come on in," Nathan said and let us in.

Ash went straight for the living room and sat down on the couch. Nathan took the recliner and I remained standing. Should I walk out onto the balcony to give them some privacy? But as I started walk towards it, I heard Ash from behind me.

"No, don't you run away, I want you to witness this, in case something happens."

"What would happen?" Nathan said in defiance. "You were the one coming here, I didn't ask you to."

I sat down on the couch next to Ash and he demonstratively put his arm around my shoulders. I felt awkward sitting here as some sort of neutral bystander when I knew about the pain and the hurt that simmered between them. But I still thought there was a chance for them if Ash stopped being so damn stubborn. Ash sat quiet for a while looking down at the table. His jaws clenched rhythmically, and I could see that he was fighting not to say something mean.

"Do you use protection?" he finally mumbled, and I just gawked at him.

"Jesus Christ, Ash!" Nathan hissed. "How old do you think I am?"

Ash pulled both his hands through his hair with a look of torment plastered all over him.

"How long... have you know that you... are like this? Does anyone know? Anyone from home?"

"Since junior high," Nathan answered with a kinder tone in his voice. "But it was in my senior year in high school that I started going to clubs. Nobody at home knows. The way they treated you became a warning for me not to say anything, you know. So I kept my mouth shut. And you can't blame me for that, you would have done the same if you'd known what would happen, right?"

Ash nodded but didn't say anything.

"And I really tried to convince dad not to take the apartment from you," Nathan continued, and it seemed like he just couldn't stop himself now. "You have to know that. I even said that I didn't want to live in this neighborhood, but he refused. And I couldn't keep trying, he would have gotten suspicious if I did. But I'm so glad that I'm out of there now. I get that you might not wanna hang out with me, but can we please just tolerate each other? Because I wanna be able to... go to the same clubs as you."

"It's ok," Ash said and closed his eyes. "I was just so... shocked at seeing you there. I'm sorry about the things I said before. You can go to any clubs you like, but... just be careful, you know?"

Nathan groaned in exasperation.

"I'm not born yesterday, I told you."

"I'm not talking protection like that. There's people that aren't that nice, that's all I'm saying."

But Nathan didn't seem to listen to Ash anymore, he sat there with one eyebrow cocked and a nonchalant look on his face. I could almost hear how Ash forced himself to stay calm.

"Don't try to be some damn father figure to me, I have enough of that already. I'm not gonna let anything stand in my way for who I am, you of all people should know exactly how that feels. So thanks for your concern, but I'll manage just fine on my own."

Ash stood up from the couch and signaled for me to do the same. Then he went to the hall and took his jacket. When I glanced at him to see what was up, he just shook his head.

"Sure," he said towards Nathan. "But you know where to find me if... you wanna ask something. Anything."

Nathan just nodded a silent goodbye, and we went out to the elevator again. On the way down I asked Ash why he hadn't said anything more to his brother. Ash smiled a crooked smile.

"Because I was exactly the same. I guess he must make his own mistakes. If anyone had said anything to me when I was his age, I would have told them to fuck off, so at least he behaved nicer than I would have."

It was late when we got into bed that night and my head was filled with all the things that had happened during the day. This was the first night together under the same roof. It felt unreal but at the same time very nice. I would have Ash next to me in bed every night from now on, and not have to think about going home to change clothes or him going back to his place. But he had been oddly passive ever since we got home, not making any moves towards me or anything and that surprised me. Was it because the meeting with Nathan? That he needed time to process it? As an experiment I softly grinded my ass against him. He kissed my neck lightly and held me closer from behind.

"Mm... oh no, nothing like that tonight," he mumbled.

Now I got worried. He had never rejected me before, quite the contrary. Was he that affected by the confrontation with Nathan?

"How are you feeling?" I asked worried and turned around so I could see his face.

The vision that met me wasn't at all what I had imagined. It wasn't a solemn and thoughtful Ash that laid in front of me. Instead, he had a wicked grin dancing on his lips and his eyes gleamed with anticipation.

"I'm doing just fine," he smiled. "But you'll need all the sleep you can get tonight for what I'm gonna to you tomorrow. Believe me. So, sleep tight, kitten."

I swallowed hard and didn't say anything. What the hell had I gotten myself into?

***