Because my mom had helped me organize my poor closet, Ash had room for his clothes pretty well, even if he whined a little because he had to fold some of them instead of hanging them. I just had to tease him for it, but he seemed almost overly protective of his stuff and went on about the importance of treating certain garments in certain ways. At last he settled with only having one of his leather jackets hanging on a hanger.

He got a happier face when he saw the well-stocked fridge. Although I couldn't help noticing that he seemed tense somehow. He paced around, inspecting every shelf and every cupboard, restlessness radiating out from him. Was he worried how it would be to live with me? When I asked him, he threw himself on the couch with a sigh.

"No, I'm not worried, I'm just trying to shake off the afternoon," he said in a tired voice. "Met my baby brother today for the first time in ten years, you know."

I had totally forgotten about that. He had been forced to meet up with his family when moving out and here I was worrying that he wouldn't like it here. It was so much more than that for him. Carefully I sat down next to him and caressed the nape of his neck.

"Wanna talk about it?"

He shrugged and looked up at the ceiling. But then he seemed to make up his mind and lifted my legs up on his lap.

"The shitty thing is that I don't think Nathan is like them," he said and there was anger in his voice. "Not yet anyway. He seems like a good guy, but I guess it's just a matter of time before that'll change. That's what's pissing me off."

"Don't you think he can do as you did, break with them?" I asked.

"Maybe. Don't know. I think he might be a little too nice for that." He squeezed his eyes shut. "I want a drink. Just one. You have anything fun?"

Regretfully I shook my head. I could count the number of times I had booze at my place on the fingers of my one hand. Not because I didn't like to have a drink from time to time, but since I never had people over, I never saw a reason to have anything at home. But now I would give up my left arm just to be able to offer Ash a drink. Then the next best thing hit me. I could surprise him with a suggestion that he never would think I would make.

"We can go to Cupid's Den for a while, if you like?" I said and smiled.

Ash's eyes widened and he looked at me in astonishment. Mission accomplished. I smiled even bigger.

"Do you have a fever or something, or did you mean that?" he said.

"We can't stay there for long anyways, it's Sunday and all. But it seems like a great way to end the day, right?"

He was out of the couch in one twirling motion and dragged me up with him. The gloominess had almost disappeared from his eyes, and it made my mind ease up a bit. Now I would also be able to see what kind of place it was, as the only experience I had from before was that dreadful night when I had picked up a semi-conscious Ash there. I would probably like it better this time around. And I could cross out visiting a gay bar on my bucket list.

The place was unusually packed even though it was on a Sunday and the only reason we got a place in one of the booths was that Florian was there too and waved us in. Apparently, Nicola was away on a business trip and Florian felt lonely, so he offered us each a sickly-sweet shot of some unknown origin. As I sat down, I discreetly glanced around. In my head I had this stupid notion of what a gay bar would be like. Filled with leather clad guys in mustaches and loud disco music. That was not the case. There wasn't really any different from an ordinary bar, except that you couldn't see many couples consisting of opposite sexes.

Florian was accompanied by a girl in her thirties that seemed to know Ash and she presented herself as Amanda and looked at me with curious eyes.

"I haven't seen you here before, are you new in town?" she asked.

I twisted in my seat. How would I answer that? That I had believed myself to be straight up until a couple of weeks ago? That I had been living under a rock?

"Not really one for going out that often," I finally said.

Amanda laughed and gave Ash an amused look.

"How the hell did you manage to meet Ash, then? No offense, Ash, but you practically live at the clubs around here."

I could see Ash's brows furrow in annoyance and his eyes narrowed. I didn't want him to start an argument with this girl, and I knew that he would if I didn't stop it. He was just in that state now and I wanted him to relax. So, I leaned towards her and smiled.

"You can actually meet at other places than clubs," I said with an innocent tone, at the same time placing a hand on Ash's thigh under the table.

I felt his hand land over mine and he squeezed it. Amanda seemed satisfied with that answer, she waved at someone on the other side of the room and excused herself and got up. Ash sighed deeply and shook his head.

"She is such a fucking busybody," he muttered. "I don't get why you hang with her, Florian."

Florian held up his shot glass to us and winked.

"That's because I'm a fucking busybody too," he smiled. "But she's not as tactful than I am. How did the move go?"

"Four boxes can hardly be described as moving," Ash said and rolled his eyes.

"That's not what I meant."

"I know what you meant," Ash snapped and fixed his eyes on Florian. "Met baby brother. It was a shitshow. End of story. That's why we're here, to forget all about it. So... what's happening here anyways?"

Florian seemed to drop the subject as he saw the look in Ash's eyes and instead, he began to lecture me on who everybody was at the club. He thought it was important for me to know as much as possible, so I could avoid talking to the wrong kind of people. I tried to explain that I would rather make my own opinion, but he just scoffed at that.

After a while I got up and asked Ash what kind of drink he wanted. The shot we got from Florian was hardly a real drink and I wanted him to have one.

"Surprise me?" Ash smiled and I made my way to the bar.

As I stood at the bar waiting for my turn Florian came up beside me. He just stood there for a while looking at me, and finally I had to ask if he wanted to ask me something.

"I'm just so amazed," he said calmly. "You know, I've known Ash for maybe ten years, and I have never, and I mean ever, seen him like this. The way he is with you. What have you done to him?"

The blush stung my cheeks. I hadn't done anything that I knew of, besides maybe just existing. Was Florian disappointed in me, that I had somehow changed Ash? Did he miss the way Ash was before?

"I don't know," I said. "Is he that changed?"

Florian leaned in closer to me.

"Don't tell him I said anything," he said, his voice low. "But I think it would benefit you to know. This thing with his family has really affected his life. That's why he has never committed to anyone. He's... afraid of abandonment, I think. If anyone fell for him before, or if he started to fall for someone, he ended it in a heartbeat. Every single time. But he hasn't done that at all with you and I'm so damn happy for him, you should really know that. He needs to learn to trust his feelings if you get what I mean. So take care of him, Jamie. He's not as tough and cool as he wants to project."

He patted my back and went towards the booths again. Suddenly it hit me that I could understand Ash's actions. Why he had been the way he told me about earlier. After being abandoned by one's own family, who would want to subject themselves to that kind of pain again? I wondered what had made him change his mind about that. What had I done to make him take that chance?

I turned to the bar again and tried to come up with a drink that could cheer Ash up. Someone tapped my elbow and when I looked up there was a young guy standing there, smiling brilliantly at me. He could hardly be older than twenty and I wondered what kind of age limit the bar had.

"Having a hard time picking?" he said and nodded towards the rows of liquor bottles behind the bar. "I can help you if you'd like, I know my drinks!"

"Are you even allowed to drink?" I heard myself say before I could stop it.

The guy laughed a contagious laughter and slapped his hand on the counter. I smiled apologetically. With my luck he was in his thirties, and I had made an utter fool of myself.

"Don't worry, I'm legal in every aspect," he said and winked, and to my horror I realized that he was actually flirting with me. "What kind of drink do you like? Rough and manly or colorful with an umbrella?"

This was so innocent. I didn't want to hurt him by flipping him off, but at the same time I didn't know how to get away from the situation. He wanted to help me choose, so maybe I could just accept the help and try to slip away afterwards.

"I want it to be fun," I said truthfully. "To cheer up."

The guy lit up and enthusiastically put a hand on my shoulder. Was he even eighteen years old?

"I know just the one!" he chirped. "Cosmopolitan. Nothing can go wrong with a Cosmo, believe me."

I ordered the drink. This would be a surprise for me too, I had heard of the name but never really seen it or tasted it. But it sounded fun and if it was as bubbly as the personality of this young guy, I was sure that it would cheer Ash up as well. Now I had just one problem. How to get rid of the guy.

"It's pretty isn't it?" he said when I was handed the drink.

"Uhm, yeah it looks... fun," I mumbled and looked at the pink liquid and the lime slice hanging from the edge of the glass. "Thanks for the tip."

I wanted him to take my reluctance to continue the conversation as a hint to go away, but he didn't. So I decided to go nuclear instead. I would simply go back to the booth and let Ash handle him if he followed me.

"What's your name?" he asked as I made my way back.

"Jamie," I said in a clipped voice and put down the drink in front of Ash.

"What a pretty name," he said behind me. "My name is..."

He suddenly fell quiet as I sat down beside Ash and I watched as Ash stared up at him, shock radiating out from his eyes. The guy had frozen into a statue in front of us. Ash's gaze suddenly became vicious.

"Nathan. You're hitting on my boyfriend."

It took me a second to connect where I had heard the name before and then I also stared at the guy. The blond hair. The eyes weren't blue as Ash's were, they were more tinted green. But I could still see the resemblance. Ash's baby brother.