This chapter contains scenes that might look forced (they are not!) and slight breath play

–––––––--

Even if the world around me was spinning due to me being drunk, I tried to get free from his grip. What the hell was he thinking? That I would stay nicely still? I wanted to know what had happened and he didn't tell me, so why should I do anything he said? I tried to pry away his arm and was on the verge of success when he tore my shirt open, buttons flying. He violently yanked it above my head, so my hands got stuck in the sleeves, effectively creating some kind of straight jacket. He held the shirt and my arms over my head and started to press his knee in between my legs.

"What the hell are you doing?" I snarled, but then I saw his eyes.

They were dark with both wrath and intense desire.

"Shut your mouth now," he growled and continued to bend apart my legs.

I still tried to fight him, but the feeling of his knee, the darkness in his gaze, made me very aware that I wasn't just angry anymore. I was incredibly turned on. I had not the faintest idea why, but I was, and there was no denying it. Apparently I could be angry and horny at the same time. So I stopped squeezing my legs together and instead I wrapped them around his lower back and pressed his body down on me, his hard erection rubbing against my crotch.

"You can't tell me to shut up," I said angrily and stared up at him.

His eyes gleamed and he grabbed my jaw firmly and pushed two fingers into my mouth, as if to make me shut up.

"You have your collar on, that means I'm the one in charge."

Despite my continued rage, the tone in his voice made my body shiver and I sucked his fingers hard and licked them greedily. He seemed to somewhat loose his train of thought at my reaction and pulled his fingers out.

"I thought you were angry?"

"Fuck you, I am angry," I growled.

"You have a strange way of showing it. What makes you so pissed?"

I made a new attempt at getting my hands free and managed to rip the shirt out of his grasp and flung it around his neck instead. I grabbed his neck with all my strength and squeezed my legs tighter around his waist and wrestled him onto his back, me straddling him. My hands were still stuck in the shirt, but now I had the upper hand.

"I'm pissed that you refuse to tell me what really happened," I said and struggled with the shirt until it finally let go of my hands.

But then Ash grabbed my wrists, and I was stuck again.

"Keith didn't take no for an answer and kissed me by force and tried to take my clothes off. Is that really what you wanna know?"

So, it was partly true.

"Yes," I said, my voice strained.

Then he slapped me quickly over the face.

"Wrong," he said sternly. "That's not really why you're upset. What are you angry about?"

What did he want from me? What had happened was exactly what I had been so afraid of all this time, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was, but it was the reason for my anger. Wasn't it?

"It is too. You never talk about yourself, about your life, so I have to make assumptions, don't I?"

With one powerful move he turned me over on my back again and now I was completely immobilized under him. He gripped my collar and held it firmly and his other hand quickly unbuttoned my pants. When his fingers closed around my cock, I couldn't stop the groan from coming out of my mouth and I was humiliated and so damn aroused at the same time.

"Bullshit, Jamie," he mumbled and started to jack me off fast. "What are you so pissed about?"

Damn him. The pleasure started to mount in me so quickly that I had trouble concentrating and he knew it.

"Right now, I'm pissed... that you're trying to distract me," I groaned.

He let go of the collar and gave me a hard slap again, the feeling reverberating out in my body like fire.

"You can do better than that," he growled. "I'm not gonna let you cum until I'm satisfied with your answer, so be honest now."

His thumb made a slow movement over the head of my cock and my knees started to tremble by the approaching orgasm, but then he slowed down the tempo considerably and the flood never came, and I drew a hacking breath. Was I even angry anymore? The alcohol had been burned away from my system after our wrestling match and only frustration and that damn horniness lingered in me now. Gradually Ash picked up the pace again, his other hand gliding down over my stomach and he pressed that awesome spot behind my balls, and I gasped out loud.

"F-fuck you, Ash," I panted in defeat.

I knew somehow that he was right. That the reason for my anger didn't stem from what had just happened, that it really wasn't anger at all, but it was hard to even admit it to myself. And it seemed weak to admit it to him. The pleasure rose in me yet again and he bent down over me. The sapphire eyes studied me intently, he was solely focusing on me now and when I didn't say anything he just shook his head and let me fall from the peak of release again. I writhed under him in pent up ecstasy, and I couldn't control my breathing anymore.

"Jamie, please tell me," he mumbled and continued watching me and I would have gladly drowned in those eyes. "I know there's more."

There was no teasing in his eyes anymore, they were solemn but without hiding that smoldering heat simmering inside. I whimpered at his drawn-out handling of my cock and my resistance was obliterated, I wanted to cum, I needed to cum, my body screamed for it.

"Ash, I..."

It was so damn hard to say it. He bent down even further, and I could feel his warm breath in my face, and he rubbed me faster.

"I'm not... angry," I moaned as the pleasure grew so I couldn't get any air. "I'm so fucking scared... to lose you."

Then he kissed me. Intense and fiery hot and in the next second I came; orgasm sucked its way up my spine almost painful and I pulled him into a shaking embrace. Ash gasped into my mouth and grabbed the hair on my neck.

"God, I wanna get inside you now..." he breathed, still kissing me.

"Then do it..."

He pulled me up in a kneeling position without breaking the kiss. It was feverish and wet, like he wanted to explore every inch of my mouth and he impatiently pulled down my pants as I unbuckled his belt. After my confession it was like that little distance between us had disappeared completely and I reeled at his every touch. He guided me with his hands on my hips to turn my back to him.

"Where's the lube...?" he groaned into my ear, and I pointed towards the nightstand.

"But it's no... ordinary lube," I warned, panting.

"I don't care."

I felt the cool wetness glide between my butt cheeks and his fingers slowly prodding at my entrance, sliding in and out and I moaned. Ash pinched my nipple, making the delicious pain shoot out in my body.

"Ah, fucking hell, I want you now..." he mumbled and let his cock slowly press into me.

He embraced me from behind almost desperately, his arms around my chest and his movements were more careful than usual, but still incredibly deliberate. The lube started to act practically right away and when he started to thrust into me, I caught my breath. It was hot, tingly and every motion was magnified tenfold in pleasure. Ash let out a long groan and pressed me even harder against him.

"God, you feel so good..." he breathed and kissed my neck. "You need to understand something..."

But then he fell silent and seemed to have noticed the workings of the lube.

"What?" I whispered, placing my hands on his hips to feel his movements.

"Ooh f-fuck... this feeling..." he groaned and pushed hard inside me. "You feel it...?"

I gasped and nodded and closed my eyes to revel in the intensity. I had already cum once, but now I was on the way to my second, his deliberate movements, that slick feeling of him filling me up and pleasure pulsated with every deep thrust he made. And when he closed his hand around my waiting erection, I whimpered in hunger for him.

"I need you... to understand something," he continued, his voice husky. "I've never... put a collar on anyone before. Do you get... what I mean?"

I couldn't even answer him. Both the intensifying pleasure and his words made me dizzy, instead I squeezed my hand around his neck to somehow let him know that I understood. He bit down hard on the skin of my shoulder as his fingers closed around my throat and he fucked me faster. I was so close now and his hand on my throat made my desire like gasoline.

"Hold it... harder," I gasped, barely aware of what I was saying. "I'm cumming... s-soon..."

"Say please..."

"Please."

Ash increased the pressure on both sides of my throat with his fingers, I could feel my constricted breaths leaving my mouth and the sensation was unbelievable. His hand moved faster up and down my cock, his lips grazing my ear and my body started shaking with the impending orgasm.

"Understand this too... I have n-never liked anybody... as much as I like y-you, Jamie. N-nhh... ooh, f-fuucck...!"

The jerking pulses of his cock so deep inside me made my second release come crashing down. It was more intense, longer and his words intermingled with the pleasure, and I couldn't understand that he really said what he had just said. It was like he wanted me to understand the importance of it by calling me by my name instead of kitten. He held me close to him and turned my face to his and kissed me slowly, let me play with his tongue and I never wanted to stop. But eventually we had to come up for air. Ash turned me around and placed his hands on my cheeks. He looked me straight in the eye with a serious look on his face.

"You understand what I'm saying?" he said in a low voice.

I nodded and looked down.

"I... feel the same," I said. "That's why I'm so damn scared..."

"Look at me. Don't you think I'm scared too? I'm fucking scared shitless."

I looked up at him. What did he have to be afraid of? He was the one with the perfect looks, that radiant personality and the heart stopping smile that everyone fell for. I was hardly the one who would find someone else and leave him.

"Why are you scared?" I asked in surprise.

He gave me a wry smile and pulled me to my feet and pointed at the bed. I sat down and removed my pants, as my shirt had been demolished by Ash already and lay in a heap on the floor. He came in after me and pulled me into an embrace under the covers.

"It's kinda... hard to talk about," he said and to my astonishment he blushed. "I'm scared that... when you find your new strength, you'll realize that I was only a means to an end, a step in your personal development. That you won't... need me anymore."