《Married to the Northerner》26
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I heard the door opening and my eyes fluttered open towards the noise. I stretched my body, ignoring the soreness I felt on my back from accidentally falling asleep on the floor. I wrapped my blanket around me and walked towards the door with a candle in my hand.
With his dark blonde shoulder-length hair dripping wet down his forehead and shoulders, his blue eyes looked at me in relief and guilt, Nathaniel was just a hand length away from me. He was drenched head to toe, but that didn't seem to bother him, as he stared at me like I was a ghost.
I walked into the bathing chamber and grabbed a clean towel before handing it over to him. He seemed to be as still as a statue, and I placed him on the wooden chair before towel drying his hair. We didn't share any words, although the air was thick with tension. His hand stopped my own and I looked down to meet his eyes.
"Why?"
I was utterly confused and taken aback by his question. A simple why can mean anything after everything that happened today. He seemed to get the clue before explaining his thoughts.
"Why are you taking care of me,- after I hurt you?"
"You may have nearly broken my heart in two, but that doesn't mean I will ever stop caring for you. I still love you and it will take time for those feelings to dissolve if they ever will. I would never want harm to befall on you."
I meant every word, of not wanting anything ill to ever happen to him and that I still loved him. It hurt to think of us having a loveless marriage, but some things are out of my control.
He stayed silent after that and I continued drying his hair. His shirt stuck to his body, as he was still wet and if he wasn't going to change out of them soon, I feared that he would fall ill.
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"You should go back to your chamber. You need to change out of your wet clothes into dry ones."
He snapped out of his thoughts and nodded his head. He turned to face the door and stopped midway. His body faced my own, as our breaths were synchronized.
"I thought you would never come back."
"It is part of the agreement that I will be your wife and I will not stray from the conditions. As the princess of Alasia, I will not break a promise that puts my kingdom and people at stake"
"Are the marriage vows we shared not valid then?"
He didn't hide the look of hurt as I said those words and it angered me furthermore. A moment ago he said he feels nothing for me, yet now he is hurt that I said those words. Why should he be hurt by my words when he confessed he does not love me?
"They are, but we are married on a Nordfjord term. I respect your culture, but as far as I'm concerned this marriage is an alliance. As the vows were said in your language, I failed to understand the meaning behind them, but I know enough to fulfill my duties as a loyal wife."
"What if we get married in the Alasian way?"
"Marriage is more than an arrangement, it's much more sacred. It is the joining of two souls for eternity. This marriage itself is falling apart already, how can we manage another one. I also doubt your mother would agree with that."
He stayed silent at that, as a crestfallen look took over his face.
"Thank you for forgiving my mother."
"I couldn't be the reason for your mother and you to have a broken relationship."
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I ended it with a curt reply, hoping he would understand the hidden message and leave. His body turned towards the door once again before he punched the door frame. I jumped back in surprise before he faced me with a guilty and confused expression.
"How are you not mad at me? I hurt you, please do something. Slap me, punch me, scream at me, do anything to hurt me as I hurt you."
"Even death itself might not be as painful as what you did to me. After being shown nothing but the outcomes of hate all my life, I met you and fell in love. I professed my feelings to you, and I'm glad that at least I got a solid answer now.
When you said nothing, I hoped that a part of you loves me and you are not ready to say it out loud yet. At least now I know we don't share mutual feelings and now I won't be let down by an unfulfilled hope."
I let the tears flow freely, wanting him to see the pain he caused. His head fell and he whispered words that ignited the anger I felt from within.
"I never knew you would fall in love with me, not this soon anyway."
"Did you not think that after showing your wife care, affection, and showering her with kisses, that she wouldn't fall in love. After a long time, you are the first person who showed me love and care, you must have realized I would have fallen for you."
"I'm sorry."
"There is no need to apologize. I can't force you to love me and I won't. If anything I should thank you for not giving me false hope and giving a direct answer."
"Avani."
He dragged out my name as he was about to cup my face. I knew one touch from him and I'll melt away. I took a step back and his face fell, as he took his hand down. He looked so guilty and disappointed. I couldn't see such a strong man have a broken look and the last thing I would want is to break down in front of the man who rejected my love for him.
"Please leave, Nathaniel."
He looked disappointed that I once again started using his full name, instead of Nathan. I saw his retreating body walk towards his chamber and I closed my room door. I slid down and cried my heart out once again.
First, it was because I was heartbroken and rejected by my husband and now it is because I was finally able to confront him. As much as I didn't want to do it, I knew in order to move on for my own benefit, I would have to spend less time with him. I felt myself crumbling already in his absence and doubted if I would keep up with my promise to avoid Nathaniel as much as possible.
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