CHAPTER 15

Dimitri

The lunch today was peas and mush. That's all I tasted in my mouth. The food seemed to turn into ash in my mouth these days as my appetite died down. It became a struggle to swallow. But I was determined to keep my strength up at all costs.

I thought about how Lillie is good at cooking and some of her letters described the food she had made. It made me hungry for it.

I walked in the yard, watching as fellow inmates walked by. The sun was piercing, cutting through the grey clouds, taking away the cold bite of the afternoon. I squinted as it momentarily blinded me. Luckily, I had my cap on. It was getting warmer lately. I was happy about that, but wasn't looking forward to the Texas heat. I took off my blue jacket and hung it on the side of my left shoulder. My hands rested in my pockets and I continued to walk.

An argument broke out near the fence by the entrance between two guys. Over what? Who the fuck knows? A fight can easily break out over a girlfriend comment or a simple thing like pocketing a cigarette. Serving time in prison is like a lottery. Sometimes you win. Sometimes you lose. I plan to win.

I was immune to the fighting. I was a fighter, an underground one. I fought ever since in here and out. Thinking about Big Ben made me shudder. I hated the guy. He was the only one that could shake me up. Nobody dared to cross him. Or you'll end up with broken legs or worse. He and his goons were always ready to collect. I suppressed the thoughts.

I wasn't sure if I squared my debt to him. Years ago, he helped my brother and I with cash, a lot of cash that I had to steal and fight for. I fought a lot of fights for him. I stole cars. To pay it all back. If it wasn't for my so-called best friend encouraging me to join Big Ben's posse. Maybe we would've made it.

My brother... a lump in my throat formed. I swallowed down hard and closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath. I refused to go there. I couldn't.

I thought about Lillie. Yes, she's a good distraction from all this mess in my head.

I headed to my cell. Hoping to see a letter from her.

Mail call came and went by.

And nothing.

No letter.

No Lillie.

I scowled, feeling discouraged. I scoffed at the thought. I hated to admit it in the beginning, but I needed her encouragements. I needed a pick me up. I needed her letter. But it didn't come.

Was she avoiding me?

***

8:30pm came sooner than expected. It was time to retire. But there will be no sleep for me just yet. I laid on my bed, looking at the paint peeling tattered ceiling. A booming voice jolted me up.

"Inmate 29901, here's your letter. It came in late." The prison guard said.

I got up without hesitation and grabbed it from his hand, not caring what was the delay about.

I admired the light pink envelope in my hand. Grateful it came. Something was different about it. A sweet and delicate waft captured me. I inhaled the envelope; the smell engulfing me. It had a touch of perfume. Of her perfume. It was a piece of Lillie. A smile crept up my face.

I read Lillie's letter twice. She talked about her loss of her father and her mother, who apparently can be overbearing sometimes. It stung that my brother and I didn't have a family unit, but her words about her parents were comforting. She talked about her violin music and her long-term relationship with her ex, who cheated on her with some dumb waitress. Anger bubbled in me at the thought. Who in their right mind would do such a thing to a kind woman like Lillie? I wouldn't mind smashing that guy's face in.

I liked learning about her life. It was warm and welcoming. Sweet and gentle all at the same time. Everything I was not. Her letters became my haven. A hug that enveloped me when I felt like shit.

I placed her letter above my face, closed my eyes, and inhaled her in. Her perfume smelled exactly how I pictured her. Delicate, sweet, and classic. I inhaled until it filled all my senses, giving me a high.

It's been awhile since I came across a scent of a woman. Seven hard long years. You can only jerk yourself off that much, I thought with a groan.

Writing to Lillie ignited something in me. The thought of opening up like this to a complete stranger was strangely satisfying. A growing need in me was set alight, and I needed more.

Desire overtook me as I thought of Lillie.

Lying in bed all alone was suddenly getting very lonely. I needed a warm body next to me during these frosty nights. I needed to be touched and held.

I'm pretty sure Lillie had a soft and warm touch to her. Soft eyes. Soft skin. Soft lips. All of them warm, melting away everything hard and cold in me. With the exception for one thing remaining hard. My dick stiffened at the thought.

My thoughts went ramped and into overdrive. I'm sure she likes it soft and gentle. I would probably lose control and take her hard and rough. Shit! I need to get a grip. I scowled at myself. I'm working myself up for nothing. It's not like she's here next to me. Hell, I don't even know how she looks like!

***

I woke up the next morning. Feeling frustrated as fuck. I was in a bad mood. I made up my bed, grabbed my towel, and headed for the showers. Lord knows I needed to cool off.

After the usual morning routines were done. I walked to the library. Jimmy was there, filling up supplies behind the counter. He was whistling some tune. Damn, this guy is always in a cheerful mood. I envied him and wondered how he does it in a place like this. I couldn't.

"It's too early in the morning for this shit," I said, stopping at the counter.

Jimmy turned around and smiled. He had his golf hat today on. It made him look younger and in better health.

"It's a beautiful day. The sun is up. I got breathe in my lungs and I'm gonna get a visit from my boy today." He said, beaming.

"Wow, hasn't it been years–" but Jimmy beat me to the punch.

"3 years, 7 months and 15 days." He said, shaking his head.

"Well, I'm happy for you man." I said, giving a genuine smile. I was happy for the old man. He deserved it.

"What you here for? Let me guess... paper, envelopes, and pens," he said with a grin.

"That's right." I said, nodding my head with a devilish smirk. The novelty had gone away. And there was no point acting all tough and nonchalant with Jimmy.

"Coming right up." He packed up the stationery and handed it to me.

I decided to stay and write the letter to Lillie in the library. I sat at a vacant desk. The library was empty at this time of the day. I took out the paper and thoughts came rushing to me from last night.

I gave a deep sigh.

Dear Lillie, I began to write.

I wanted to know more about this woman.

The anticipation became an itch I couldn't scratch.

Once and for all, I wanted to see Lillie for myself.