"Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here to remember the life of Faye Ceflao."

I barely listened to the priest. My eyes were just on the sleek black casket that was ready to be lowered in the ground. Faye's picture stood beside it, her smiling face surrounded by beautiful red roses and other kinds of pretty flowers I couldn't even name.

I just stared. She was really dead. I'd gone with Vittore to see her body. Her pale skin, her chapped lips her lifeless eyes. I'd seen it all and yet, my mind refused to believe she was gone.

I could still hear her laugh in the wind, smell her perfume and even feel her warmth. She was till here. She wasn't gone. She couldn't be.

My eyes raised to Vittore. his eyes were dull, his gaze closed off as he watched on. His hands were held lifelessly at his sides. He hadn't said a word. Not since last week when we found out she was dead. His last words still rung through my head like a broken record.

"They don't have her because she's dead."

She's dead.

Faye is dead.

Gone, just like that...

I'd never felt grief like this before... I didn't want to accept it. My mind was closed to everything.

Everything but the man who suffered beside me. I moved closer, holding his hands in mine and interlocking our fingers. I squeezed his hand and he applied the least amount of pressure but it was the most I'd gotten from him.

Usually, I'd say his all black attire looked good on him. That he rocked it but now... I couldn't help but wish the colour didn't exist. I wore it myself, along with the other people here. Everyone had red and puffy eyes as they looked on. Even Alexa was here, she couldn't hold back her tears.

Peyton had cried a lot. I think she was done with it all. Lily was wherever she was and Maddox...

His body wasn't found among the deceased. He was just... gone.

"Mr. Martinelli, would you like to say a few words?" the priest called but Vittore didn't move. His eyes remained on the casket, on what remained of his mother.

"I'll do it," I said softly. I let go of Vittore's hand slowly and stood next to Faye's picture. I stared for a long time before gazing at the people before me.

They were so many. So many who had seen and felt Faye's kindness.

"What can I say?" I asked mostly myself. "What words will I utter that we don't already know about Faye? What words could I utter that could change what happened? I still can't accept she's gone. I don't want to."

My words were soft, not for the ears of others but for the woman who rested in the casket beside me.

"I don't want to talk. I think it's just going to ruin everything. I just want it to be silent. I want to remember because that's all I can do now. Remember."

I wouldn't be able to touch her again, talk to her again. All I had were memories. Memories of the woman who cared for me in all the ways my mother wouldn't. I walked back to Vittore and held his hand again.

I looked at the grave.

...

FAYE CEFALO

Beloved mother and friend.

"An elephant stands for luck, serenity and wisdom but wisdom is nothing more than the knowledge you get from healed pain."

...

I'd put that quote there. With Faye's all inspirational talk about elephants and their herds, how could I not? I also didn't want to hide the fact that she's suffered.

God that woman suffered yet she smiled each and every day.

She spread happiness, she held herself together for those she loved. Though she slipped sometimes, she bounced back up. She smiled even wider and let her flame burn brighter.

I just hoped she was at peace now. I hoped that wherever she was, she was happy. I hoped that she was safe and loved.

I wished she didn't have to go.

I wish she could have just stayed a little longer. There was so much I wanted to ask her and even more I wanted to tell her.

I had this space in my heart, this gap, this void where she lived. That space that was reserved just for her.

It's empty.

Lord it's so empty right now and it hurts.

I could feel it everywhere. I could feel it trying to consume each and every bit of my soul. All I could see in my mind's eye were my moments with Faye, all the happy ones, the solem ones and even the bad ones. She was there.

Then, I could touch her. I could talk to her. I could see her.

Now, I couldn't.

All that felt was Vittore's hand in mine, all I heard were the sniffles and cries of the people around me and all I saw was the woman I considered my mother being lowered into the ground, never to see the light of day again.

Forever in the clutches of death, never to hold me, her son or her friends again.

I just wanted to hold her hand one last time even though it might be cold and lifeless. I wanted her to come and pat my cheek and tell me everything was fine.

I didn't want to say goodbye.

I really didn't.

I wanted to hold on until I couldn't.

Hold on until my mind accepted she was gone.

People slowly started to disperse as her grave was covered. The sun shone down brightly, something I was grateful for. Faye always did embrace the light in everything.

I stood there with Vittore and the grave was covered fully. We were the only ones left.

Ten minutes turned to thirty.

Ten thirty to an hour before Vittore removed his hand from mine.

I tried to hold on longer but he walked away. He went straight to his sleek black car and drove off, leaving me alone to watch the grave for a moment longer.

I sat down, getting my long black dress dirty but I couldn't care less.

This was my private moment with her since she died and I was going to cherish it.